6 Ways to Find Your Soulmate


I don’t know about you, but I feel like there’s a lot of confusing advice out there when it comes to dating. You should do this, you shouldn’t do that–it seems like there’s a lot of rules that have more to do with trying to please or not push away a guy rather than tools for creating a truly intimate relationship. I think this must be a female thing. Do you see any men’s magazines with headlines like “Find Out What She’s Thinking,” and “20 Ways to Wow Her”? As women, we really do tend to take too much responsibility for other people’s feelings. As they say, step one is being aware that you have a problem (jk).

6 Ways to Find Your Soulmate

Look beyond what you’ve been taught…

I’d like you to take all of those rules and chuck them out the window. They’re mostly about trying to control the other person’s reactions and interest. This is no way to live and, not to mention, rather ineffective. As much as we’d like to think we can read a guy’s mind, the truth is that we can’t. The best way to get anything you want is to focus on the things that are in your control, not trying to mind-ninja the motives and desires of everyone else around you. When it comes to finding your soulmate–and keeping both of you snugly bunnies happy once you do–this means working to nurture your best and true self.

Here are six easy ways you can increase the odds of finding your soulmate:

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Raised in California and North Carolina, Jen is both an actress and a writer. She loves writing fiction, especially for young adults, and exercising her non-fiction muscles through Urbanette and her chocolate blog: Chocofiles. Jen also loves adventures, yoga, live music and spontaneous dance parties.


  1. Osana Smith

    Great article, Jennifer! I had never looked into the concept of soul mates before. I feel many people struggle with wanting one at one time and another at another and it can often lead to dissatisfaction in marriages…

  2. Candis Melton

    I didn’t believe in soul mates until I bumped into mine. I agree with all your points! 😉

  3. Patricia Montague

    Different things work for different people. There’s nothing wrong adopting these tips 🙂

  4. Olive Williams

    Insightful article! I’m fortunate, I have my soulmate and life partner 😍💖

  5. Carrie Bleau

    I found a lot of value in this article. I particularly agree with loving yourself and deciding that you are worth it!!!

  6. Sherry Manust

    For me, soulmate means partnership. I’ve had a few: my bestfriend, my confidant and my romantic partner.

  7. Wilma Moore

    I never think that I can find ways in finding a soulmate. I mean I have this thinking it just happens when least expected. Nice read, still.

  8. Kelly Gonzales

    Finding a soulmate entails preparation and it includes understanding oneself. Loving and treating oneself with respect is the fundamental step. One needs to define the qualities he wants and seek for in someone.

  9. Evelyn Harris

    I think developing emotional intelligence is an essential key to finding one’s soulmate!

  10. Zerin Martin

    Finding a soulmate can be frustrating. It needs self-examination, patience and emotional maturity.

  11. Naincy Winget

    Thanks for this great article!. I need someone in my life who can occupied my heart with love and caring and I want to be the same.

  12. Melani Kalev

    Great advice! Though I wouldn’t call it a quest for finding a soulmate because I think that might make the mission of finding someone psychologically even more difficult.
    Firstly, soulmate – it’s not easy to encounter instant connection with someone, let alone to find a soulmate who you might find some day in your best friend of 10 years, let’s say, but all this time you’ve been busy searching your soulmate. Secondly, finding = therefore you’re searching, therefore you’re lacking of something, someone. And the second point is just the opposite of the whole concept of being whole and doing you.

  13. Hannah Meyers

    I think I’m way too young to believe in soulmates.

  14. I’ve never had a problem making the first move. If he’s not responsive (which guys almost always are), I assume it’s because he’s with someone and faithful (which actually makes me want him more, ironically – guess I like a challenge). But you don’t have to go out alone for that. I go with my girlfriends and we just break off from the pack if we see a guy who’s hot.

  15. Looking back now I realize that when my husband and I first started to drift toward each-other, it was no coincidence. I had just came into another white stripe of life and felt generally more happy about myself than ever.
    To go out alone, to approach him first — these things show your social confidence, which indeed does make a woman more attractive. But not just that — showing everyone you value yourself will make them value you too. That’s apparently what you need to attract your ‘second half’ — to be whole already.

  16. Finding a soul-mate doesn’t happen over night…it’s alot of work and commitment but when you find someone and it feels right just go for it! For me personally, I took a break from dating a few years ago and just focused on my family, friends and personal growth. One day,I had a great conversation with a guy at my friend’s hangout. A few weeks later I asked him out. He actually felt the same way and we’ve been dating since 🙂

    • Courtney Watson

      I agree! Finding your soulmate takes a lot of hard work. It’s not an overnight thing. You need to have personal growth to be successful in finding one 🙂

  17. I believe that no advice is really apt for all situations. I know a lot of friends that found their soulmates when they weren’t looking. And what they did was focus on themselves and pursuing their career goals and just having fun with their lives. I guess its true that when you stop looking you find it 😀

  18. This is such a great article. I’m not sure I have a single friend who follows this advice, but maybe they’re not aware of how important it is. I’ll forward this around.

    BTW – Thanks for being the most empowering magazine out there!!!

  19. Gosh, sometimes I just want to give up on the whole soul-mate thing. I’ve been called a hopeless romantic before, and feeling more and more hopeless as time goes by. Maybe it’s just tougher in a big city, or maybe I’m just too picky. I’ve seen a few of my friends get really lucky, and have found their soul-mate, so I continue to hold out for hope. This article certainly helps keep my spirits hight, thanks Urbanette once again! 🙂

  20. Francis Woods

    What GREAT advice! We really do, as women, need to start thinking of ourselves as the prize — more so than whatever man we have our sights set on. It’s so important to remember that you’re worth it, so that you don’t put up with crap, and so you can find someone who’s looking for a confident woman, not just some insecure girl he can manipulate and treat poorly.

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