Advice I'd Give My 20-Something Self


Advice for My 20-Something Self

If I could give my younger self some advice, I’d tell her this…


6. Stay open.

Don’t be closed-minded. If someone has a different opinion than you, genuinely listen to it. They might be ill-informed, or they might have different values than yours, or they might actually modify your opinion on a topic. Either way, part of growing is staying open and keeping your ideas somewhat fluid. That said, if someone says something based on contempt, feel free to tell them to shut the hell up.

Advice for My 20-Something Self

7. Some people just want to bring you down, for no reason.

No reason that you’ll ever figure out, anyway. Whatever excuse they use to try to hurt you, it won’t be the real reason they’re upset. They’re upset because they’re jealous, or because they don’t like them self in comparison to you, but instead of admitting that, they find an unrelated excuse to blame their feelings on you.

I know it’s hard to understand, but some people simply won’t listen to reason. They can’t be convinced that they’re wrong. Why? Because they aren’t engaging their higher-thinking part of the brain. The more you try to convince them they’re wrong, the more they’ll try to prove they’re right and (illogically) get even more entrenched in their misguided emotions and ideas.

Related: How to Overcome Haters

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A writer, artist, and designer since she was young enough to put pencil to paper, Hilary taught herself code and created Urbanette when she was a teenager. Currently, she spends most of her time in France, NYC, London and Switzerland, and travels extensively around the world. Hilary spent the past decade living in NYC, still considers herself a New Yorker, and visits regularly. She's always looking for hot new topics, destinations, and brands to bring to Urbanette readers.

Reader Discussion: 79 Comments

  1. My advice for my 20-year-old self is, FUCKING STUDY! I regretted my waste of time when I was in my early 20’s. I neglected studies and wasted my life in a low paying job and burning it all in alcohol and vices. I suck i know but i turned a new leaf and have been sober for 5 years now.

  2. cassy white

    if I can advise my 20-year-old self. I’d probably beat her senseless and say “don’t be lazy! that big paying job won’t make you happy work on your passion and stick with it”

  3. Most important line written in history: DON’T WASTE ENERGY STRESSING ABOUT ANYONE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MARRY.

  4. Alexa Falquet

    I am 20. I like reading a lot of articles on the similar topic because I am trying to learn from other’s perspective on life and experience. This one is special because it formulated as a warm advice. You made me consider voting for the first time in my life. I tried meditating once. It helped me immensely, and now I have the motivation to do it regularly. By the way, I’m bookmarking this! 😀

  5. Hannah S

    Really touching advice — and so on-target! I wish I’d known these things when I was younger…

  6. Jenny Garett

    I wish it wasn’t too late for me to follow your wonderful advice and to make one for myself. You know, i want to share an read this to younger people today. It was definitely exhale worthy and touched a part of my soul that needed to hear it. Thank you for this beautiful post. I like your list very much.

    • Thanks! It’s never too late to make positive changes and try to grow as a person. I’m always trying to grow — every day…

  7. Merry Robinson

    Loved all the advice. Brilliant! 🙂 I really enjoyed this article because it made me think. I really see where you are coming from and I connect with every advice you said. I want to read this to everyone I know. Great list, some real wisdom to be found. love lots! 🙂

  8. Elsie Spurlock

    This is a great article. After reading, I instantly felt relieved of some of my stresses and inspired to be thankful and happy. Accepting the things you can’t change is utterly important. If you start accepting the things you can’t change then you start accepting the people who won’t change. Thank you Hilary, it was good indeed, especially the last page which was the best.

  9. Kimberly Vigil

    These are not the regular tips/advice. You approached the issue from a different dimension. It was really great actually, my fave are nos. 1 & 3. Perfect to have all of this in one place. Thanks, Hilary!

  10. Esther Earl Harris

    Very well explained article! inspiring and interesting. one must read it! (:

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