Dating

Are ‘Taken’ Men Sexier?

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The man sitting across from me is in every single woman’s husband wish list: smart, charming, attractive, successful. His style of dress is very GQ, and his conservative suit with the artsy purple tie tells women he is responsible yet spontaneous. The gold band around his ring finger reflects the harsh light of the commuter rail — blinding, but not binding. So what if he’s married? His wife is no more real to me than Santa Claus. Like many women, I want the unattainable man. But what is it that makes the unattainable so desirable?

Are ‘Taken’ Men Sexier?It’s human nature to covet what we can’t have. When we diet and restrict certain types of food, the desire for what is denied us becomes unbearable. The taken man is the chocolate cake of dating — sinful yet simultaneously irresistible.

Women also love to compete with each other for “the best man,” or in this case, “the groom.” A man who’s in a serious relationship with someone must have much to offer. The fact that he’s so desired by someone else makes him all the more attractive to the single woman. Also, a committed man is appealing for just that reason: he’s committed to a relationship. In this day and age where most men fear the “Big C” more than a root canal without pain-killers, the committed man is a rare gem. What women tend to forget is that that same attribute which makes them attractive isn’t very compatible with their intent to lead them astray.

Women have been trained, since childhood (think: Disney) to compete with each other…

Are ‘Taken’ Men Sexier?

There’s also the other woman to think about. It’s one thing to get involved with a man who slips his ring in his back pocket every time a cute pair of Manolos walk by, but it’s quite another to knowingly pursue someone who’s clearly marked territory. Being cheated on hurts, and if getting a lump of coal in your stocking isn’t enough to deter you, then the guilt you’d feel after intentionally causing his wife pain definitely should be.

The pursuit of the unattainable man can be a thrilling challenge, but the end result always ends up in heartache; one cannot unattach anything without ripping some seams. Either much time and effort is wasted by trying to change what doesn’t need fixing, or in the event you are successful and end up attaining the unattainable, there is bound to be distrust on both sides.

For him, there’s the fear that you’re not the type who respects relationships, and that it might extend to your own. For you, well, you know for certain that the man you’re with has cheated at least once, but unlike Santa, will never know for certain if he’s been bad or good…

Sitting across from me in the crowded train is a man who is perfect in that innocent way that only a man in a relationship can be. My stop approaches and I get up to leave. My life is complicated enough and besides, that great suit that he’s wearing was probably laid out for him by his very real wife.

Read more: Do You Have the “Other Woman” Mentality?  and  Thinking About Cheating? 12 Reasons Why You Should

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

11 Comments

  1. kofybean

    I dont think the reasoning given in this article is true for the most part. I think the real reason is way simpler than that.

    Women have a wall they put up shielding them from everyman. When they find a man is taken, the wall comes down. After the wall comes down, in some cases, they may actually find the guy attractive. They aren’t gonna just find him attractive on the mere fact that he is taken.

  2. Christine Muchoe

    I love this- you put into words what every girl doesn’t want to admit. Sometimes I’ll want something for the sole reason that I can’t have it, and once it’s made available to me, I no longer want it. It’s human nature, we want the challenge. When things are easily obtainable they lose their value.

  3. Taken men definitely know how to stimulate a woman's interest.

    I also agree with the author that it's more of the "thrilling" and "challenging" feeling of pursuing the unattainable. Modern women somehow want to prove something, and for some, winning over a taken man is a great accomplishment.

  4. I'm also wondering why women, single women in particular, are more attracted to taken men. I can honestly say that at one point in my life, I have found married men sexier and more attractive. Probably because taken men are more experienced, they know how to "tickle" a woman's feelings better 😉

  5. Courtney Watson

    Yeah. I think it’s more of the “satisfying” or “rewarding” feeling that women get if they are able to “catch” a committed man.

  6. Jen Spillane

    Yeah, it's such a bummer when the guy you're into is already taken, but I agree. It's not worth lowering your integrity or his to pursue it any further than in your own fantasies. If it's really a match, he'll recognize it as such and–if he's the type of guy you want to be with–will end his current relationship before beginning one with you.

  7. Francis Woods

    Are taken men sexier?! Mmmm… I think NO!

    For me, taken men are not sexier but they are challenging! I mean getting them to like or notice you is a huge challenge. And it’s fulfilling to win this challenge.

  8. This is something I found out about when doing coaching, it really annoys me. I do wish on this, women would think more logically. Taken men don't need (or want?) another woman, unattached men do. It should be the other way round.

  9. A man who willingly cheats on his wife should not seem any more desirable. Commitment should be valued not thrown around. I can not try to submit myself to the idea of taking someone else’s man. I wouldn’t like for someone to do that to me.

  10. Randie Cadiogan

    While a married man may be attractive because he appears capable of commitment, IF he breaks that commitment with another woman, then he is no longer a man capable of commitment. So does he then lose his attractive quality? If he's willing to break it with his WIFE, then it only stands to reason that he would be just as willing to break it with his MISTRESS.

  11. Gabrielle Williams

    I have a theory about unattainable AKA married men. They are attractive because it means they are capable of committment, which what most women look for in a man. 

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