How To Deal With A "Better Woman" - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


How To Deal With A “Better Woman”

When the better woman comes along, where will you stand?


When the better woman comes along, which she invariably will, where will you stand? Mary-Kate Steinmiller, the 26-year old fashion market editor of Teen Vogue, recently shared this take on her career: “I’ve always said that in this industry you have to accept that there is always, always going to be someone ahead of you on the masthead, prettier, better dressed, skinnier, with more money, more respected, invited to more parties and smarter than you…”

How To Deal With A “Better Woman”While she’s speaking in behalf of all fashion editors in the world, her words are true for all careers and industry. A seemingly “better” woman always comes into our world and tends to detract from the respect and admiration that we enjoy. It’s a fact: there will always be a woman that someone else views as “better” (or even just newer) than us. When that woman comes into our world, it’s natural to feel threatened. After all, we don’t want her to take what used to be rightfully ours – the attention, the esteem, and the number one spot. That’s truth. That’s life. End of story.

Isn’t it sad when you must take off the crown, put it on the new Miss Universe, and watch the people cheer for this new pillar of beauty as you stand beside (or even worse, behind) her, suddenly invisible? Isn’t it career-threatening when a new co-worker efficiently works on her tasks and seems to be impressing your boss more than you? Isn’t it bothersome when the man you thought you shared mutual feelings with suddenly hangs out with a new girl?

How To Deal With A “Better Woman”

But wait. What about the concluding statement to Mary-Kate’s quote above? She ended by saying: “…so really, you just have to do you and do you the best you can.” There. Mary-Kate Steinmiller isn’t disheartened by the presence of a “better woman” after all.  She’s just recognizing the fact that there may always be someone more fill-in-the-blank than her. However, the thought of it makes her even more driven to master her craft.

How To Deal With A “Better Woman”

Contrary to despair, this successful woman’s words should remind us all that even though there are “better” people than us, it doesn’t make us a lesser person. When we develop the self-discipline to remain composed and focused on our goals, we stay in the business unyielding. Soon enough, we’ll get better in all areas of life. We’ll learn to be unassuming yet purposeful.

We shouldn’t compare ourselves to other people because there will always be people that (depending on the onlooker) can seem to be greater or lesser in one way or another. Comparison will only make us feel miserable or conceited.

The bottom line? She may look “better” (in real life and/or on paper), but she still isn’t YOU. Trust us, you’ll be much happier if you allow her to serve as a source of inspiration to sharpen your skill set. Who knows — you may become business partners someday.

Originally from Denver and now living in NYC, Angie has been writing since she was small. She lives in the Flatiron district with her partner Tanya and their mutt Sparky (always adopt!) In her spare time she loves to paint (mostly abstract) and talk to random people on the street to find out what’s interesting to them.

Reader Discussion: 8 Comments

  1. Hannah Mayers

    How to deal with a better woman? Just be yourself! Always be the best you can be and never ever compare. Dealing with a better woman or even thinking that there is a better woman is a form of competition and competitions can be constructive or destructive. For me, to successfully deal with a better woman, you just have to believe in yourself, in your capabilities. Most importantly, you need to be aware and accept your limitations.

  2. Courtney Watson

    I think the key here is acceptance! For me, it’s just about accepting the fact that there’s always someone better than you! You just have to give all your best while performing and accomplishing your responsibilities. Who knows, the woman you think better than you is also thinking you are better than her! Just give it your best shot and you will be fine 🙂

  3. Ranking yourself against others can only lead to disappointment. Though it's hard, the best way of dealing with a better woman is to learn from her, to find out how she manages and apply that to your own skills.

  4. Jen Spillane

    I loved this article! It is so true–the biggest competition is always against yourself.

  5. Ansley Barrington

    Learning to not compare yourself to others is such a hard thing, everyone does it. Yet once you stop doing it and realize that everyone is so different and thus incomparable, you'll be much happier. Never try to be anyone else but you, it's a waste of who you are.

  6. I second what Hilary said. Very aptly put.

  7. Randie Cadiogan

    Be at your best, at all times. 😀 

  8. Jen Garcia

    YES! There’s always someone better or worse than us. We don’t have to feel bad about it. We just need to accept it, do our best and try to improve – not to show off, but simply because we want to.l

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