The Problem with Being the 'Hot Girl' - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’


I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…

The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’

One of my modeling shots.

Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.

But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.

Continue to Reason # 2 through 4…

Pages: 1 2 3

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.


  1. Sara

    Great read. I talk about this all the time and people think I’m crazy when I am the most down to earth person that will vibe with anyone. When you’re attractive and confident regardless of your own personal insecurities, you seem to brig out everyone else’s insecurities just by being “hot”. Once people take the time to know you they see you are just as normal but before that barrier is broken down you have to leap hurdles of stereotypes. I can be exhausting but I am used to it and always been more of a loner anyway so I’m not overwhelmed by it but it doesn’t mean I’m not well experienced in the situation.

  2. Anonymous

    Observing the comments- Most of you are the exact reason she felt the need to post this article. Without a doubt, this is true. Maybe exotic would be a better term rather than simply beautiful. All and most women are beautiful, but very few inbetween are beyond gorgeous.
    I am sad and have a mental illness because 1) I am overly sensitive and 2) was condemned for my beauty after being once condemnedand severly bullied for my ugliness before puberty. Life is so sad to me because I’ve been treated my whole life based on my looks.
    No wonder I am 23 now and have a distorted self image, because of people like the negative commenters.

  3. Perry

    Just the fact that you put in one of your modeling pics for your article shows me that you are vain.

    You are probably shallow to boot.

    I pass on very attractive women.

  4. Melanie Vaughn

    I also think “like attracts like” and two beautiful women might become friends more easily. Also, notice how often you see two average ‘fat’ woman hanging out or even working out at the gym together.

  5. Helen

    I think the author is expressing her own sadness in life. Despite having many things that other people may want, to be more attractive, to travel, to have lots of shoes and a VIP lifestyle, she is not happy. But she doesn’t know why so she assumes it is because of her looks. After all her looks are what she is focused on. Or at least what other people are focusing on about her through her work as a model, which I would assume would make her hyper conscious of her appearance. The real issue is not about how surface beauty makes your life hard or makes you unhappy. It’s about being unhappy and how her mind is drawing conclusions for her unhappiness based on her experience. Anyone can be happy. Or unhappy. Appearances are illusions.

  6. Mark

    My gf sent me this link over a debate. The writer, get off your high horse, you’re def not ugly but I wouldn’t classify you as beautiful either. All the other females who claim to his this “problem” so to speak, neither are you. Articles like this are only written by individuals such as the writer to seek validation from the rest. If you’re in the model industry; you’re asking for it, especially a swimsuit model. If it were the contrary, you wouldn’t need to post a bikini pic, you would’ve posted a more…conservative “modeling” pic. My two cents

  7. Ariel

    Oh cry me a river! Do you know how hard I try to be pretty?! I used to be unattractive…the lower side of average looking, with average size boobs on top of it!! Big nose. Temperamental skin. My skin cleared. I got a nose job. I had a boob job. And guess what? I’m still not in the prestigious 8-10 category and I never will be no matter how hard I try or how much plastic surgery I get! But at least I now have the big boobs (32DDD!!) & the small waist. At least I have SOMETHING desirable to the handsome alpha males! Is it so terrible to want male attention?? I’m almost forty and still single. Beautiful women suck up all the resources. And many of them are smug. Yes, we 5-6’s have been complimented by, hit on by, and — gasp — even dated good-looking “Type A” men!! Sorry.

    • Anonymous

      I’m happy for you and your success with your surgeries. I’m sorry if this is offensive but not everyone wants to be viewed as a sex object as yourself. For beautiful intellectual women, we want to be appreciated for our brains, our talents, the part of us that makes us special. Especially for me, a person that was molested. Molestation either causes a person to feel overly comfortable in a sex ridden reality or the complete opposite. Some of us just want to be treated with respect. I’m assuming the woman who wrote the article is somewhere along the lines of the latter choice.

  8. Kata R

    Coming from a bacground of having mostly guy friends, I can totally relate to this article. As my best friends married and moved on my presence was made nulled. I noticed the wives becoming extremely jealous etc. Making girlfriends has always been an issue. I noticed the looks, the comments, etc. Very difficult at work too as I am a Manager and manage mostly women.

  9. Lynn Hayes

    Pretty girls that say they are rarely approached don’t know the other side of the coin. Ask an average woman and a pretty woman how often they are approached in a month…you’ll see.

    Another issue not discussed here, which is very important; is leagues. Most younger people shoot out of their leagues for many years. Unfortunately, we don’t determine our own leagues, the public in general does. Water finds it’s own level, and the process can be painful.

  10. Roberta Bennett

    great post! there is a downside to everything.

  11. Frances Seifert

    We all know about the benefits of being beautiful, it’s easy to forget the pitfalls.. We admire it and defer to it, but sometimes we have to defend ourselves against it. But that’s my opinion anyway.

  12. Amanda Roberts

    When people are thinking about love they automatically ignore attractive members of the opposite sex, probably to protect their feelings about their long-term partners.

  13. Kimberly Thompson

    When employers are making a decision about someone of the same sex, they can let their jealousy get the better of them… Happened to me before.

  14. Kimberly Vigil

    I really hate people who are always judgmental. A woman who is perceived as both beautiful and smart will definitely threaten many people.Which is why if they think that you are threatening they will avoid you and get jealous of you. Other people saying that women just need to shut up and just be pretty. There are so many hot ladies who are fiercely intelligent. I think that the reason that guys who ask why hot girls are so dumb are, themselves, dumb.

  15. Hazel Collins

    Great article and i can see emotions in this post. How did they know that the ones they are saying dumb blonde girls are already dumb if they will not give her a chance? it just meant that they are not doing their job properly and already judging and discriminating a person by their looks.i have to agree that some women are jealous because they think that you always have an advantage in everything. I have a lot of hot girl friends because they are actually cool some of them sarcastic,funny and a whole lot more. I’m not afraid to talk to hot girls i know they will not bite me because they are just like me.

  16. Heather Strobel

    Right! we are all the same,experiencing challenges and problems in our life. If you think that rich people and beautiful people are not encountering and experiencing problems then you are wrong. I really hate that others will instantly judge a good looking person that they are dumb. If i could just read the minds of other people thinking that i’m an empty brainer i will immediately say ‘if you don’t like me, well guess what did you ask me if i like you? i don’t like you either!’ then leave lol. It is so sad to think that some people are just really good at criticizing and discriminating other people.

  17. Ashley Moore

    WOW! i just realized it now that you guys also have a lot of problems. You know i don’t hate beautiful girls because i admire all of you esp those who are not afraid to speak their mind like you. I’m hoping that i’m just a late bloomer and will eventually become a beautiful woman someday haha. Maybe the ones who are criticizing were just jealous because they are not hot and maybe not pretty :D. To all the beautiful and hot girls just ignore them and always stay beautiful. <3

  18. Cornelia Green

    I totally FEEL YOU! this is a great article and a must read. People will always think that you can’t contribute something in a conversation especially when it’s a serious topic when you are pretty. On the other hand, if you’re going and daring to talk in a conversation they will just mock you and ask you where’d you learned it. People always think that if a woman is pretty the only thing that she’s doing are going on salons getting her hair done and watching movies with men dancing and showing their abs. Well what they’re thinking is super duper wrong and we are more than that.

  19. Jenny Garett

    I have a friend with the similar problem like yours. She said that guys don’t want to take her seriously. She’s been in relationships where she’s always the one who’re getting dumped. I know his boyfriend because they are in a relationship for three months and i find him a little bit an a-hole sometimes. We are always talking about his boyfriend and the way he’s treating her now They were in a good start and i can see that he loves her so much but for the past weeks she feels that she’s just being used. I said that they should talk about it and i’ll always be here for her.

  20. Esther Earl Harris

    Women need a man to care for her,respect her like she’s his mother and love her. I’m always telling my son that in the future when he grow up and find a girlfriend, always respect her like i am her. I’m always reminding him that he should also bring her to our house and introduce her to me. I’m also believing that you will never truly meet the real attitude of the person if you are still not living together, living under one roof. They should stop acting like that and be serious.

  21. Grace Stirling

    yes i have to agree that when men find beautiful girls(hot chicks for them) they just see and used them as an object to show off to their friends. I know this because I’ve talked about it to some of the guys i know. A lot of men prefer dating beautiful and hot women because it will surely make them cool, like they’re wearing suit and tie. Men have more pride than women. I’m not a men-basher but that’s what i hate about them, their cockiness.

    • Ariel

      Yep! That’s why I went for the implants. Because at least I have that in contrast to a plain Jane face.

  22. Kaitlyn Barrett

    Most people have NO idea the horrors of being a beautiful woman. for some of us you get NOTHING in life…why? EVERYONE ELSE’S JEALOUSY. people say beautiful women are a pain because they are so jealous of them they NEED a way to put them down

  23. Helena Stevens

    You got a good point here but there’s another side to this. When you are constantly being told that you are cute/ pretty/beautiful – naturally it’s going to go to your head.The constant attention makes you feel powerful especially with men, but if you’re not careful it’s a double edge sword.The sense of entitlement & advantage you have over others is intoxicating ,and if not handled right can put you in a very lonely place. You need more then beauty to make it in this world.

    • Ariel

      Yes ma’am! Many — not all, but many — are conceited and horrible. And too good to talk to people or say hello or even say hi back. The best is when it’s under the convenient guise of “introversion” or “shyness”. Ha! A/k/a ‘I will only talk to the people whom I deem worthy’.

  24. Sydney Nowak

    I agree, I consider my self a hot chick and I had this problems dating man less attractive than me, I think I am very sweet, caring and faithful, and at the end I got my heart broken cause of reasons said in this article.

  25. Anna KAPLAN

    I completely agree! Can the next story be about the 10 pitfalls of men who objectify women and who try to use their money to sleep with women who are far more attractive than they are?

    • Chu Dat

      It works for them though. Look at Trump’s wife.

  26. Betty O'Leary

    All my life people have made a fuss about my “natural beauty” and how I look like a mix between Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe and a Young Katharine Hepburn. But I can’t say it has ever made people not like me. I am not smug (despite the above statement). I have met women who I have thought were sickeningly beautiful, but they usually had beautiful natures, which made it impossible not to like them. At the end of the day physical appearance may draw attention, but it’s personality that keeps people’s attentions.

  27. Julia MacLean

    I’m not as beautiful as you, but I’m one of the better looking girls in my circle, so I know that there is no doubt that there are catty, jealous and insecure women, and I have had my share of jealous girlfriends/acquaintances in the past but I have had more female friends who are comfortable being around me because of my warm and welcoming personality. 🙂

  28. Celine Carter

    I’ve been both “ugly” and beautiful in the span of 10-12 years in my development. I still have photos from before and after…I swear to god I look like I could be in one of those ‘don’t judge me challenge” videos if I were to seriously post old videos of myself at specific ages to now. I’ve had like 2-3 awkward periods in my teen years to now where I just did not care or let myself go so bad(I have had severe hyperpigmentation-it’s all gone now though but it made me look horrible unless I wore makeup before 17 y.o.). So I DO KNOW EXACTLY what is means to be seen both ways as a woman.

  29. Franny Pimms

    This happens to me all the time especially checkouts in stores, doctor’s offices, etc. People don’t want to serve me, try to avoid me pretending not to see me, leaving the lane as soon as I arrive to checkout, speak to me rudely, laughing at me over nothing trying to humiliate me making themselves look stupid instead, try to waste my time taking as long as they can. Ridiculous and pure evil!

  30. Franny Pimms

    This happens to me all the time especially checkouts in stores, doctor’s offices, etc. People don’t want to serve me, try to avoid me pretending not to see me, leaving the lane as soon as I arrive to checkout, speak to me rudely, laughing at me over nothing trying to humiliate me making themselves look stupid instead, try to waste my time taking as long as they can. Ridiculous and pure evil!

  31. Lana Urie

    That’s crazy! I’ve always thought to this day that prettier women had it all easier, considering how superficial people of our day, especially men are. But I reckon you don’t know until you’re there.

  32. Camilla HILHORST

    Never been happier that I’m not such an eyecandy haha. 🙂

  33. Tracy

    Reason #2 stands. After reading what you’ve had to say, the assumption proves to be correct. This wasn’t a great piece of writing, style-wise and content-wise. Just more of the same hackneyed bellyaching.

    • Ariel

      Exactly! And the whole “it’s easier for beautiful women to get casual sex”. Baloney!! I have turned down more casual sex opportunities than I can count! My best friend has never been a traditional beauty and she is also chubby, and she NEVER had a problem finding casual sex. Like, ever. Ha!!

      Also, if you’re ACTUALLY cool you will have no problem with people approaching you. One of my friends is a beautiful bad@$$ — as opposed to those obnoxiously annoying “vulnerable sexy” types (God I hate those types) — and although she has mostly guy friends by far, she has no problem having pleasant encounters with males & females alike. People love her. Not just because she is beautiful. But because she is awesome!

  34. Brooke Tyre

    Great read! Nothing is ever perfect. We are good in some things, and we’re bound (whether we like it or not) to be bad in others. What we should hope is that the bad would never surpass the good.

    This kinda reminds me of an article I read a long time ago in Reader’s Digest magazine about a study conducted on babies. Placed in front of the babies were pictures of different women of different features and colors. Some beautiful, others plain. The study found out that the babies would look and focus more often on the pictures of women with beautiful or symmetrical faces regardless of the color. Since babies do not have any concept of discrimination yet, and they don’t go around criticizing people with malicious intent, the study simply points out that babies go for that facial features which is more pleasant to look at.

    From that study, I realized that maybe our brains, or our hearts, are hardwired to go after what’s beautiful and pleasant. Be it a face, another body part, a heart, a mind, a feeling, an action, a place, a situation, or an event. We will always long for anything beautiful.

    Sometimes though, we get so busy at work or get wrapped up in whatever things we’re doing or what’s happening around us. And this numbs our hearts, which leads us to neglect the seemingly mundane but more essential things and we go about complaining about the trivial things as well. We tend to be shortsighted. Few bad things happening in front of us, and we totally forget how exceedingly fortunate we are. Cliche as it may sound, we should learn from the kids. They know very little but there is so much to learn from them. Let us have their hearts, as well. Because their’s is a heart that always finds beauty even in the simplest of things.

  35. Jessica Carlson

    This might be a case of “both a blessing and a curse” or “a curse in disguise as a blessing”! 🙂 But whatever it is, being beautiful is a blessing. Back when I was fresh out of the university, having finally leapt over the last of the academic hurdles, I found myself with neck-high debt and was scrambling to find work. Back then, I had myself wishing about having those pretty faces, perfect figures, or wonderful singing voices. I would just have easily made my way at the fashion ramps; graced beauty magazines with my symmetrical flawless face; been seen in a film as a James Bond girl, or had produced hit singles and sold-out concerts, and not saddled with all those debts!

    But everything always works out in the end. Of course, it is a continuous process. Sometimes everything’s up, other times it’s all down. It’s not all positive, sometimes negative things happen. It’s Yin and Yang. It’s all about balance, and the point is to continue. We should be thankful for what we have despite all the consequences. If everything is perfect for a single person, it would be difficult to find joy in the beauty of what’s infront of us. For me, true appreciation comes from the experience of loss or of not having.

  36. Nicky Bryan

    Hmmmm. I did modelling for 3 years, but I quit back in May due to personal reasons. Anyway. I still look the same, -not trying to be cocky but I believe I am good looking- but all the attention I used to get from people who knew I was a model seem to have disappeared. There’s that too.. You know what I mean.

  37. Aimee Marks

    Reading this article had me walk down memory lane. I remember that a part of my teenage years were that of being constantly in front of the mirror, looking at my face and hoping to grow up being beautiful one day. I have read fairy tales countless times and I would always picture myself as the beautiful princess. I never knew that it is also tough to be a pretty face. It might have been actually hard for some of them, too. So then, is it a blessing for me not to have a modelesque beauty? I wouldn’t have complained if I was given one to go with my beautiful heart. 🙂

  38. Shannon Bradley

    Nice article, it’s refreshing to see things from the point of view of a model beauty like yourself. Us normal folks usually think that being beautiful makes life easier, but apparently not….

    • Ariel

      That’s what they want you to believe. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid! It is MUCH worse to be ignored and/or ridiculed. Noticing that many men actually don’t line talking to you. Of course money & beauty help make life easier!! Stress and fights are always about when money’s tight, and unattractiveness causes stress because of the low self-esteem! The happiest guy I know is wealthy and handsome!! And his beautiful mom got to social climb and marry rich BECA– USE she is beautiful! Wake up sheeple!!

  39. Andrea Mitchell

    Jesus! Always wanted to be the kind of beautiful that makes heads turn around, but sounds too troublesome. Not worth it!

  40. Delilah Peyton

    I’m willing to take and face all those “problems” if only I get to be beautiful like you! Seriously.

  41. Pamela Sanabria

    I’ll never understand why people directly assume you are stupid just because you are beautiful. Why not wait and find out, right?!

  42. Sibel Jenkinson

    Extremely good looking women are avoided by most men, because men are afraid of rejection. -Hence why I’m single haha ;p

  43. Emily Wentz

    It is hard for pretty women – being pressured by men and women alike. I have some stunning, beautiful friends and life is not easy for anyone. Some unattractive women have incredible intelligence – which the masses will never recognise. Life is unfair but the journey within leads to greatness.

  44. Pearl Nguyen

    Well, when you’re pretty, you oughtta have frenemies. It’s unfair but that’s just the way life is.

  45. Catherine White

    Even though it’s not deliberately at all, you just intimidate the less good looking people. It’s horrible to discover that really nice people who don’t look very nice (the majority of humanity) are terrified of approaching you. It’s a weird thing to find you have this effect.

  46. Emma Blackwood

    Loved this article!

    I don’t consider myself hot or beautiful, but most of the time I get told that people thought I was b****, because I’m too good looking to be nice…. LOL

  47. Melani Kalev

    Quite many things should change in order to change the fact that we live in a world full of double standards. Until then, we just gotta learn the ropes in the situations where the things could be under our control – for example, sending a CV without a photo. That’s not the craziest idea. 😉

  48. Jen Garcia

    A study published in the Journal of Social Psychology reveals that being “pretty” in the workplace both has its ups and downs. Pretty women are discriminated against when applying for jobs which are considered “masculine” and for which appearance is not seen as important to the job. But being pretty is sometimes an edge because it’s a basis of hiring, promotion and evaluation.

    I think the downside of being pretty is purely caused by envious women colleagues. As Noelle Ibrahim, a consultant based in New York said, “If you want to be quote unquote ‘taken seriously’ you have to play down your looks, irrespective of what your other accomplishments might be. It’s a kind of socialism in the workplace.”

  49. Jen Spillane

    Wow, I had no idea that it was harder for pretty women to get hired. Scary.

  50. Courtney Watson

    Pretty women are not stupid! Sad but true, pretty women are viewed as brainless and senseless persons when it comes to workplace. 

    I believe all the “pretty women” out there SHOULD / NEED to prove this statement wrong. In everything you do, give it your best shot! Work intelligently 🙂

  51. Telling a woman dressed professional and conservatively to change her style because she's distracting the boys is a double standard indeed! But it looks like, when it comes to appearance and getting jobs, men have to deal with a double standard as well.

  52. Everyone is judge based on appearance. That's what the first impression is based on. A beautiful woman may walk into an interview and employers may think that she's unreliable and too focus on their own looks to actually get work done. It happens. It's our job to prove them wrong.

  53. Mick Hamilton

    The pretty ones attract “jealous” frenemies like how flowers attract bees. That’s why it’s better to stick to being friends with gay men. 😉

    • Belle

      I’ve even tried that & their boyfriend gets jealous!!! I’m fucked!

  54. Joanne Samonte

    I hate double standards too. I believe we need to learn to accept each other as we are…

  55. Randie Cadiogan

    LOL! This is crazy. But then again, yes. There are double standards! tsk.

  56. Hannah Mayers

    I read Samantha Brick’s article on The Daily Mail. I wanted to sympathize with her but came short. I couldn’t decide if she was too obsessed on her “pretty” appearance to think that every woman in the world hates her simply because of envy… or she played on people’s emotion through her write-up. Either way, she was an effective marketer because her article got so many hits.

    I know a lot of corporate women who are adored by their female co-workers. They are not only good-looking but also smart and efficient employers. And they certainly don’t look down on other women based on physical appearance, unlike Samantha Brick (who also claimed that some female journalist is too ugly for TV).

    I do get your point on workplace discrimination due to good looks.

  57. Francis Woods

    Look, let’s face it. Everyone gets judged by the way they look. It’s the first impression thing. Pretty people (really intelligent or not) can do really impress the ones who are interviewing them.

  58. Sarah Evanston

    How I truly hate double standards. That’s the reason why women act crazy these days! The society glorifies physical beauty and pretty women get hired less. Then men expect women to be sexy/seductive but then they also have to have child-like innocence?! I feel infuriated by this sometimes. Why can’t we all just accept each other as we are?

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