The Problem with Being the 'Hot Girl' - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

Beauty

The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’

What it’s really like being the hottest girl in the room.

By 

I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…

The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’

One of my modeling shots.

Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.

But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.

Continue to Reason # 2 through 4…

Pages: 1 2 3

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

Reader Discussion: 83 Comments

  1. Ali

    I have never thought I was conventionally beautiful or even pretty, but I have noticed women can be very jealous if they see another woman has physical assets they desire, e.g. large breasts or luxurious hair. It’s absurd how sometimes you can’t even have a friendly conversation with a guy because his wife or girlfriend considers you a threat. I’ve lost count of the number of times chicks will act nice to my face but then they’ll fail to call/text me back or cut contact for no reason, and I’ll realise it’s because of jealousy because these women would always make an issue of my looks, even though I do not dress up or wear makeup. Which is crazy because I always felt ugly and awkward growing up. I sometimes wonder if it’s more to do with individual women’s insecurity and nothing to do with lookers because yeah, I’m also fat.

    I also think there is a difference between beauty and style. Style changes from century to century but beauty is forever. So you can either attract people because you’re objectively beautiful, i.e. have good proportions and health, or because you possess the stylised elements that your society finds attractive, e.g. big fish lips and strong jawlines of today’s modelling standards. It’s got nothing to do with beauty, actually; it’s more to do with what the fashion industry shoves through our eyeballs. Some of those models are even ugly in my opinion, but they’re striking in a way that sells products, so in an ironic way, that ugliness becomes the new ‘beauty’ of tomorrow.

  2. Tracy Anderson

    You know what, I think that beauty is something beyond our understanding like there could be 100 crazy beautiful girls in a room, only one would catch all the eyes on her, because she has that something you can’t explain. MOst of the time, she’s not even the prettiest girl, she just looks confident. Remember that is a big part of seduction, just believe in you, don’t get mad for anything and stay natural, you will attract way more men than before!

  3. Ariel

    “For MANY men, beauty is enough”! I thought you had said “some”, not “many”. Wow. Just wow. I guess that means we less-than-eights are screwed, especially if we are over thirty!! Please directly insult us instead of putting us down in this cowardly roundabout way.

    • Hi Ariel, I wasn’t trying to be insulting, and I am honestly sorry if it came off that way. I was just sharing what, in my life experience, I’ve found to be true…

      • Ariel

        Hi Sarah. I understand. It’s true although the thing is beauty is subjective. There’s this really superficial man for whom your statement is definitely true, and he wanted to date me several years ago. He saw one picture of me & liked it but he asked my friend if he could look through all my Facebook pictures to make sure the one he saw was not just a rogue good picture. Lol. (My friend set us up). We went on one date and then when I wouldn’t go back to his place he was done with me. We’re still friends, though. He’s good-looking but short (kind of looks like Jason Bateman). Point being yes he is one of those men for whom beauty is enough. But there are other men who wouldn’t even look my way. It’s all relative.

  4. Joe schmo

    Cry me a river. Try being a average man. You’re an over privileged whiner by comparison.

    • Being a white male in this world is flat-out easier than being a woman. That’s a fact!

  5. Andrea Jones

    Great read. I talk about this all the time and people think I’m crazy when I am the most down to earth person that will vibe with anyone. When you’re attractive and confident regardless of your own personal insecurities, you seem to brig out everyone else’s insecurities just by being “hot”. Once people take the time to know you they see you are just as normal but before that barrier is broken down you have to leap hurdles of stereotypes. I can be exhausting but I am used to it and always been more of a loner anyway so I’m not overwhelmed by it but it doesn’t mean I’m not well experienced in the situation.

    • Hi Andrea, Thanks! I agree… the stereotypes suck!

    • Ariel

      I think part of the problem is they never even try to “share the wealth” with other girls & women. It would be nice if they would compliment more average-looking females every now and then, telling them they ARE beautiful and could get any man they want. Many of them tend to keep it to themselves, as if they don’t want anyone else to have it.

  6. Anonymous

    Observing the comments- Most of you are the exact reason she felt the need to post this article. Without a doubt, this is true. Maybe exotic would be a better term rather than simply beautiful. All and most women are beautiful, but very few inbetween are beyond gorgeous.
    I am sad and have a mental illness because 1) I am overly sensitive and 2) was condemned for my beauty after being once condemnedand severly bullied for my ugliness before puberty. Life is so sad to me because I’ve been treated my whole life based on my looks.
    No wonder I am 23 now and have a distorted self image, because of people like the negative commenters.

  7. Perry

    Just the fact that you put in one of your modeling pics for your article shows me that you are vain.

    You are probably shallow to boot.

    I pass on very attractive women.

  8. Melanie Vaughn

    I also think “like attracts like” and two beautiful women might become friends more easily. Also, notice how often you see two average ‘fat’ woman hanging out or even working out at the gym together.

    • I guess most of my friends are pretty, actually. I find that a lot of women have ended up staying away from me out of insecurity or getting jealous, which really sucks, to be honest. I just want to be seen as a person, not as a “hot girl”.

  9. I think the author is expressing her own sadness in life. Despite having many things that other people may want, to be more attractive, to travel, to have lots of shoes and a VIP lifestyle, she is not happy. But she doesn’t know why so she assumes it is because of her looks. After all her looks are what she is focused on. Or at least what other people are focusing on about her through her work as a model, which I would assume would make her hyper conscious of her appearance. The real issue is not about how surface beauty makes your life hard or makes you unhappy. It’s about being unhappy and how her mind is drawing conclusions for her unhappiness based on her experience. Anyone can be happy. Or unhappy. Appearances are illusions.

  10. Artur Piterson

    My gf sent me this link over a debate. The writer, get off your high horse, you’re def not ugly but I wouldn’t classify you as beautiful either. All the other females who claim to his this “problem” so to speak, neither are you. Articles like this are only written by individuals such as the writer to seek validation from the rest. If you’re in the model industry; you’re asking for it, especially a swimsuit model. If it were the contrary, you wouldn’t need to post a bikini pic, you would’ve posted a more…conservative “modeling” pic. My two cents

Load 10 more comments

Join in the Conversation! Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *