The Problem with Being the 'Hot Girl' - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’

What it’s really like being the hottest girl in the room.


I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…

The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’

One of my modeling shots.

Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.

But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.

Continue to Reason # 2 through 4…

Pages: 1 2 3

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

Reader Discussion: 69 Comments

  1. Joe schmo

    Cry me a river. Try being a average man. You’re an over privileged whiner by comparison.

  2. Sara

    Great read. I talk about this all the time and people think I’m crazy when I am the most down to earth person that will vibe with anyone. When you’re attractive and confident regardless of your own personal insecurities, you seem to brig out everyone else’s insecurities just by being “hot”. Once people take the time to know you they see you are just as normal but before that barrier is broken down you have to leap hurdles of stereotypes. I can be exhausting but I am used to it and always been more of a loner anyway so I’m not overwhelmed by it but it doesn’t mean I’m not well experienced in the situation.

  3. Anonymous

    Observing the comments- Most of you are the exact reason she felt the need to post this article. Without a doubt, this is true. Maybe exotic would be a better term rather than simply beautiful. All and most women are beautiful, but very few inbetween are beyond gorgeous.
    I am sad and have a mental illness because 1) I am overly sensitive and 2) was condemned for my beauty after being once condemnedand severly bullied for my ugliness before puberty. Life is so sad to me because I’ve been treated my whole life based on my looks.
    No wonder I am 23 now and have a distorted self image, because of people like the negative commenters.

  4. Perry

    Just the fact that you put in one of your modeling pics for your article shows me that you are vain.

    You are probably shallow to boot.

    I pass on very attractive women.

  5. Melanie Vaughn

    I also think “like attracts like” and two beautiful women might become friends more easily. Also, notice how often you see two average ‘fat’ woman hanging out or even working out at the gym together.

  6. Helen

    I think the author is expressing her own sadness in life. Despite having many things that other people may want, to be more attractive, to travel, to have lots of shoes and a VIP lifestyle, she is not happy. But she doesn’t know why so she assumes it is because of her looks. After all her looks are what she is focused on. Or at least what other people are focusing on about her through her work as a model, which I would assume would make her hyper conscious of her appearance. The real issue is not about how surface beauty makes your life hard or makes you unhappy. It’s about being unhappy and how her mind is drawing conclusions for her unhappiness based on her experience. Anyone can be happy. Or unhappy. Appearances are illusions.

  7. Mark

    My gf sent me this link over a debate. The writer, get off your high horse, you’re def not ugly but I wouldn’t classify you as beautiful either. All the other females who claim to his this “problem” so to speak, neither are you. Articles like this are only written by individuals such as the writer to seek validation from the rest. If you’re in the model industry; you’re asking for it, especially a swimsuit model. If it were the contrary, you wouldn’t need to post a bikini pic, you would’ve posted a more…conservative “modeling” pic. My two cents

  8. Ariel

    Oh cry me a river! Do you know how hard I try to be pretty?! I used to be unattractive…the lower side of average looking, with average size boobs on top of it!! Big nose. Temperamental skin. My skin cleared. I got a nose job. I had a boob job. And guess what? I’m still not in the prestigious 8-10 category and I never will be no matter how hard I try or how much plastic surgery I get! But at least I now have the big boobs (32DDD!!) & the small waist. At least I have SOMETHING desirable to the handsome alpha males! Is it so terrible to want male attention?? I’m almost forty and still single. Beautiful women suck up all the resources. And many of them are smug. Yes, we 5-6’s have been complimented by, hit on by, and — gasp — even dated good-looking “Type A” men!! Sorry.

    • Anonymous

      I’m happy for you and your success with your surgeries. I’m sorry if this is offensive but not everyone wants to be viewed as a sex object as yourself. For beautiful intellectual women, we want to be appreciated for our brains, our talents, the part of us that makes us special. Especially for me, a person that was molested. Molestation either causes a person to feel overly comfortable in a sex ridden reality or the complete opposite. Some of us just want to be treated with respect. I’m assuming the woman who wrote the article is somewhere along the lines of the latter choice.

  9. Kata R

    Coming from a bacground of having mostly guy friends, I can totally relate to this article. As my best friends married and moved on my presence was made nulled. I noticed the wives becoming extremely jealous etc. Making girlfriends has always been an issue. I noticed the looks, the comments, etc. Very difficult at work too as I am a Manager and manage mostly women.

  10. Lynn Hayes

    Pretty girls that say they are rarely approached don’t know the other side of the coin. Ask an average woman and a pretty woman how often they are approached in a month…you’ll see.

    Another issue not discussed here, which is very important; is leagues. Most younger people shoot out of their leagues for many years. Unfortunately, we don’t determine our own leagues, the public in general does. Water finds it’s own level, and the process can be painful.

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