The Problem with Being the 'Hot Girl' - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’

What it’s really like being the hottest girl in the room.

By 

I’m a model. I mean, I’m a writer, but I’m also a model. So I know what I’m talking about when I say that, along with all the benefits (like having an easier time getting into nightclubs and finding casual sex, I suppose, if that’s what you’re into), there are also a lot of negatives that come along with the package of ‘being beautiful’. And please, don’t hate me because I’m A) beautiful, or B) complaining about it (yeah, I know it may be hard)…

The Problem with Being the ‘Hot Girl’

One of my modeling shots.

Reason #1: It makes dating harder. Yes, you heard right. I’ll explain why. When men see a woman that looks like a model, far too many of them see her as an object. I can only partially blame them for this, since society hammers it into our heads with objectifying ads and misogynistic porn. Hence, these men see ‘hot girls’ as something to possess and show off. They don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get to know her as a person, because for many men, beauty is enough.

But wait — that actually really sucks for us pretty girls. Really. Because when a man wants to possess you, he often pretends to be whatever you want… until he gets tired of pretending. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up and ended up with “Wow, he turned out to be a giant a-hole… but I really thought he was suuucch a nice guy! I don’t know what happened??” It’s because either he could only fake it for so long, or he moved on to another ‘hot girl’. We are, after all, pretty much interchangeable when looked at purely from a superficial perspective.

Continue to Reason # 2 through 4…

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Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging (InsiderDiva.com) and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

Reader Discussion: 97 Comments

  1. Lina Gwen

    Thanks for this article. There are so much more, including safety problems because pervs target pretty girls, and most women are too jealous to help her, or they’ll make situations worse due to their jealousy. It is disgusting the way people are. Be safe.

  2. Mary

    Hi Sarah! Thanks for this. I find it to be true in my life too. Particularly other women getting close just to hurt me because of some sort of de-humanization/monsterization/villification of beauty. Thanks for putting it into words. I did not want to believe it until those haters come to their senses and start apologizing for being “jealous”. In the process they can be very hurtful and even dangerous. If I had a daughter I am not sure if I want her to get all the “good” genetics. It is far too troublesome.

  3. Life is hard when you are beautiful. Everyone envies you, So many are jealous, Men throw themselves at you. It’s hard dealing with all this pressure.

  4. Never had that problem. I don’t consider myself hot nor attractive to the point that it becomes a problem. I’m just the simple awesome me.

  5. Ali

    I have never thought I was conventionally beautiful or even pretty, but I have noticed women can be very jealous if they see another woman has physical assets they desire, e.g. large breasts or luxurious hair. It’s absurd how sometimes you can’t even have a friendly conversation with a guy because his wife or girlfriend considers you a threat. I’ve lost count of the number of times chicks will act nice to my face but then they’ll fail to call/text me back or cut contact for no reason, and I’ll realise it’s because of jealousy because these women would always make an issue of my looks, even though I do not dress up or wear makeup. Which is crazy because I always felt ugly and awkward growing up. I sometimes wonder if it’s more to do with individual women’s insecurity and nothing to do with lookers because yeah, I’m also fat.

    I also think there is a difference between beauty and style. Style changes from century to century but beauty is forever. So you can either attract people because you’re objectively beautiful, i.e. have good proportions and health, or because you possess the stylised elements that your society finds attractive, e.g. big fish lips and strong jawlines of today’s modelling standards. It’s got nothing to do with beauty, actually; it’s more to do with what the fashion industry shoves through our eyeballs. Some of those models are even ugly in my opinion, but they’re striking in a way that sells products, so in an ironic way, that ugliness becomes the new ‘beauty’ of tomorrow.

  6. Tracy Anderson

    You know what, I think that beauty is something beyond our understanding like there could be 100 crazy beautiful girls in a room, only one would catch all the eyes on her, because she has that something you can’t explain. MOst of the time, she’s not even the prettiest girl, she just looks confident. Remember that is a big part of seduction, just believe in you, don’t get mad for anything and stay natural, you will attract way more men than before!

  7. Ariel

    “For MANY men, beauty is enough”! I thought you had said “some”, not “many”. Wow. Just wow. I guess that means we less-than-eights are screwed, especially if we are over thirty!! Please directly insult us instead of putting us down in this cowardly roundabout way.

    • Michael DB

      No you ARE screwed because you get to be seen as you are, and attractiveness is not skin deep. I could go on and on; just don’t view yourself as losing out because of ‘ordinary’ looks. There’s no such thing. The vast majority of females look attractive to us males. I am constantly looking at the attractiveness of females of all different sizes shapes etc. The female IS attractive to the male!

    • Honey, she was just being honest. But don’t worry, by the time guys hit their 30s, they become slightly less shallow. (not tryin to be sexist, but I have lost track of the amount of times I’ve heard college guys behind me say, “man, that chick was sooo hot,” or “she’s got huge jugs,” and other creative things along these lines.

    • Hi Ariel, I wasn’t trying to be insulting, and I am honestly sorry if it came off that way. I was just sharing what, in my life experience, I’ve found to be true…

      • Ariel

        Hi Sarah. I understand. It’s true although the thing is beauty is subjective. There’s this really superficial man for whom your statement is definitely true, and he wanted to date me several years ago. He saw one picture of me & liked it but he asked my friend if he could look through all my Facebook pictures to make sure the one he saw was not just a rogue good picture. Lol. (My friend set us up). We went on one date and then when I wouldn’t go back to his place he was done with me. We’re still friends, though. He’s good-looking but short (kind of looks like Jason Bateman). Point being yes he is one of those men for whom beauty is enough. But there are other men who wouldn’t even look my way. It’s all relative.

  8. Joe schmo

    Cry me a river. Try being a average man. You’re an over privileged whiner by comparison.

    • She may have privileges because she is a beautiful, successful model and writer, yet, have you ever thought of the regular beautiful women? The ones who are not models? The ones who almost get run over by a car by a crazy bitch because she thought her boyfriend was cheating with them? Or how about the bitches who bitch about everything and try to fire you from the dream job you worked your ass off for to attain and spent over $100,000 to gain an education? Or how about all the perverted creeps who try to touch you inappropriately when you are waiting at a bus stop in the morning to go to class? Or the “boyfriends” who think you are too hot to be with them and who become possessive and abusive? Yeah, you are right. We sure have it easy. And please don’t forget to consider the fact that a majority of the population thinks we are conceited, stuck up dumb whores who have no other future but to do just that. And our biggest crime of all is having been born. Please spare me your shit. At least women are not as shallow as men. Do you ever wonder why there are so many gorgeous girls who look like models with guys who are not above a 6 or 7? Because a lot of girls care about things like personality. A lot of men (mostly the young ones) only care about being with girls with perfect figures and D cup jugs and gorgeous, flawless skin. You know, I got rejected by an asshole because I was not blond. So please, you should not even hint that an “average man’s” life is “hard.” Don’t give up. You are sure to find a 10 one day, unfortunately, because I am not a D cup or blond I should settle for a 7, despite the fact that I think I am slightly higher up on the scale.

    • Being a white male in this world is flat-out easier than being a woman. That’s a fact!

      • Michael DB

        ” Quote: “…try to remember that we all have our challenges,”

        Each of u; ‘create’ the ‘challenges’ (As we see them) that we ‘meet’ so that we can ‘learn from them’! They are our gift to ourselves and we should embrace them for that reason. Everything that we experience, is like the reflection of our physical body in the mirror. ‘Life’ or ‘Experience’ is a direct reflection of the energy we ‘put out’! It is the very gift of our existence here!

      • Anonymous

        I’m here to tell you it’s really not.

  9. Andrea Jones

    Great read. I talk about this all the time and people think I’m crazy when I am the most down to earth person that will vibe with anyone. When you’re attractive and confident regardless of your own personal insecurities, you seem to brig out everyone else’s insecurities just by being “hot”. Once people take the time to know you they see you are just as normal but before that barrier is broken down you have to leap hurdles of stereotypes. I can be exhausting but I am used to it and always been more of a loner anyway so I’m not overwhelmed by it but it doesn’t mean I’m not well experienced in the situation.

    • Hi Andrea, Thanks! I agree… the stereotypes suck!

    • Ariel

      I think part of the problem is they never even try to “share the wealth” with other girls & women. It would be nice if they would compliment more average-looking females every now and then, telling them they ARE beautiful and could get any man they want. Many of them tend to keep it to themselves, as if they don’t want anyone else to have it.

      • Diana

        Also, Ariel, how do you recommend that a beautiful girl tell an average-looking girl that she is “beautiful and could get any man she wants?” Should I approach a stranger on the bus and tell her, “don’t worry, you’re beautiful and you deserve any man you want?” That will end well.

      • Ariel, why should beautiful women “share the wealth” for just because you have an irrational, jealous, resentful tendency to hate others for having been born attractive? I don’t go around with a megaphone telling the world how hot I am, I have never even had a boyfriend. Yet, for some reason, I get jealous women and girls always being rude and nasty to me. Perhaps I should let them know how beautiful they are, and that I am “sharing the wealth,” even though I don’t particularly care for the guy she is interested in. One last thought, maybe the real issue is your own insecurity, not the beautiful girl. If you feel threatened by beautiful women, then clearly your relationship isn’t working out because a man who loves you should not have wandering eyes.

  10. Anonymous

    Observing the comments- Most of you are the exact reason she felt the need to post this article. Without a doubt, this is true. Maybe exotic would be a better term rather than simply beautiful. All and most women are beautiful, but very few inbetween are beyond gorgeous.
    I am sad and have a mental illness because 1) I am overly sensitive and 2) was condemned for my beauty after being once condemnedand severly bullied for my ugliness before puberty. Life is so sad to me because I’ve been treated my whole life based on my looks.
    No wonder I am 23 now and have a distorted self image, because of people like the negative commenters.

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