Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

How to tell if a friend really has your best interest at heart, or is just using you.


Is She Like This With Her Other Friends?

I had a friend who treated me like I was more of a means than an person to hang out with. My instant assumption was that she was only entertaining my time so that I would eventually help her with her work, lend her money, or as a backup friend when other plans fell through. But I was wrong on this one. It wasn’t just me she was flighty with; it was all her friends. Realizing that made me even more furious, until I did a little compassion adjustment.

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

This girl and I were raised in two very different environments. She wasn’t intentionally being like this — towards me or anyone else; it was just how she was brought up. She didn’t know any other method of reacting, and that wasn’t something I should be taking out on her. I kept her in my life and as our friendship progressed I learned that through her character flaws, she’d be there for me within an instant if I needed it.

It’s important to not instantly write people off, but try to understand why they act the way they do. If they’re simply terrible humans, kiss them goodbye, but if they’re bringing positive vibes into your life at the end of the day, maybe they’re worth it.

Does She Only Text You When She Needs Something?

You can always tell when someone is only talking to you for the sake of getting something. The conversation may go something like this: “Oh hey, how’s your night going? Busy with work? Wow that sucks, would you mind editing my shitty work paper because I know you’re a good writer and will be so bothered by it that you’ll make it better, and I’ll take the credit? Aw thanks, you’re such a good friend!”

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

If you find this happening all to frequently, but your texts about getting coffee, or her grabbing your mail because you’ll be out of town for a night, go unanswered, you’re being used. These people are like spiritual vampires; they suck the life out of you for their own benefit and don’t care if you make it out alive. Grab a stake and get them out of your life.

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Reader Discussion: 52 Comments

  1. Toxic people will always try to control you. If somehow you got released from their control, they will now control the environment against you. That’s why toxic people should be given a high five. In the face. With a chair. Repeatedly.

  2. Elijah Jones

    My toxic/plastic friends are my training dummies. If they are toxic to me I will be toxic to them, if they are plastic then i will be plastic also. Learning this skill familiarizes me with their behavior and will actively avoid others who have these traits. That’s why i keep them close for reference.

  3. Monique Malick

    Oh, cmon! Be sensitive, it’s very easy to know if a friend is just using you. I hate users!

  4. Jodi Thil

    Make boundaries. It’s the only way to avoid user friends. It’s not that you’re being mean to them, you’re just sick of them.

  5. Toxic friendship is just like a shitty relationship with a douchebag. Leave, if you think you’ve been taken for granted.

  6. Candis Melton

    If you think that one of your friends is acting like a sh*t. You can always cut them off. Don’t think about how long you have been with each other, think about the reasons why you should give up the friendship.

  7. Don’t compare what you gave and what she gave to you. Friendship is about helping each other to grow. It’s not math that has a computation.

  8. Carol Joyner

    There are instances that you’ll meet people like these. There’s nothing wrong to give too much for the sake of your friendship. But if your friend is bragging you down, along with her, stop it. Make an action.

  9. Olive Williams

    Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about with my friends. I always tell them that ***** is a freaking toxic in our circle. I’ll let them read this article. Lol.

  10. Carrie Bleau

    Insecurity kills! I have a friend like this. I don’t know if she’s just concern, or she is really insecure of me. I don’t get it, we’re friends, and a real friend should be happy for her friend, right?

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