Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

How to tell if a friend really has your best interest at heart, or is just using you.

By 

Is She Like This With Her Other Friends?

I had a friend who treated me like I was more of a means than an person to hang out with. My instant assumption was that she was only entertaining my time so that I would eventually help her with her work, lend her money, or as a backup friend when other plans fell through. But I was wrong on this one. It wasn’t just me she was flighty with; it was all her friends. Realizing that made me even more furious, until I did a little compassion adjustment.

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

This girl and I were raised in two very different environments. She wasn’t intentionally being like this — towards me or anyone else; it was just how she was brought up. She didn’t know any other method of reacting, and that wasn’t something I should be taking out on her. I kept her in my life and as our friendship progressed I learned that through her character flaws, she’d be there for me within an instant if I needed it.

It’s important to not instantly write people off, but try to understand why they act the way they do. If they’re simply terrible humans, kiss them goodbye, but if they’re bringing positive vibes into your life at the end of the day, maybe they’re worth it.

Does She Only Text You When She Needs Something?

You can always tell when someone is only talking to you for the sake of getting something. The conversation may go something like this: “Oh hey, how’s your night going? Busy with work? Wow that sucks, would you mind editing my shitty work paper because I know you’re a good writer and will be so bothered by it that you’ll make it better, and I’ll take the credit? Aw thanks, you’re such a good friend!”

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

If you find this happening all to frequently, but your texts about getting coffee, or her grabbing your mail because you’ll be out of town for a night, go unanswered, you’re being used. These people are like spiritual vampires; they suck the life out of you for their own benefit and don’t care if you make it out alive. Grab a stake and get them out of your life.

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Hi internet friends! I've had a passion for writing before I could walk and am so excited to be sharing that with you all. My goal is to not only entertain and bring humor into the magazine world, but to also empower women and raise awareness of the social and cultural issues we face. I'm an astronomy lover and a cheese enthusiast, as well as constantly hooked up to an IV of caffeine. Don't be a stranger!

Reader Discussion: 50 Comments

  1. Merry Robinson

    This is so awesome… your perspective is on point. Over the years I have dealt a few toxic people and I started to worry that I was the toxic one because it kept affecting me. I’m the type of person who does not like conflict so when I try to fix the situation and talk. Reading this article made me feel better about a situation I am dealing with. Thanks for the great insight!

  2. Lela House

    Gotta love this! I know a lot of toxic people but after reading this, i see how easy it is to deal and get over with them. “DOES SHE ONLY TEXT YOU WHEN SHE NEEDS SOMETHING?” So true and painfully sad. Made me realized to keep doing what i’m doing and just ignore them. This was a great read and this opened up a box of worms for me. Thank you for sharing this all important lesson.

  3. Melani Kalev

    “It’s important to not instantly write people off, but try to understand why they act the way they do. If they’re simply terrible humans, kiss them goodbye, but if they’re bringing positive vibes into your life at the end of the day, maybe they’re worth it.”

    This definitely resonates. This kind of dilemma ‘oh what should I do with this friendship?! it isn’t all that bad, right?’. And since my friends are all over the world, the distance factor doesn’t make things easier. The funny thing is that the more you think about ‘what should I do’, the less you know the right thing to do. And in this case, however, the distance helps – people are not physically there and they’re not able to force you into something you don’t really want to do, you’re not forced to see them, spend time with them, etc. And it’s also easier to take a breather and let this relationship be, at least for a while.

  4. This is soooo true! I had way too many “takers” in my life. I did a major friend reshuffling last year. My life is so much better now that I have considerate friends : )

  5. Hannah Meyers

    I guess I’m lucky not to have these intoxicating friends. But then again, I choose my friends wisely. VERY wisely.

  6. Girls. There’s always something dramatic happening. But I do agree with some points.

    • Cristiana Caruso

      Girls aren’t the only ones who produce drama. Have you ever watched a group of men drafting their fantasy football league? Thank you for agreeing with my points that are not exclusively for women! I appreciate the support!

  7. Gabrielle Williams

    As I stay at home most of the time, I always get these impromptu invites. But thanks the heavens I am always able to get out of the bend by saying that my kids need their mommy.

    • Hannah Mayers

      I think the key here is knowing and setting your priorities and having the courage to say “no”

  8. Sandra Brown

    I had a friend who used to only send me messages when she needed a place to stay the night over every time she visit NYC. But when I want to visit her and stay over her place, I can’t even get a decent reply. So much for girl friends forever.

    • Courtney Watson

      I can relate! And yeah, so much for “girl friends forever.”

      I used to ask myself, “Am I too kind that I’m taken for granted by my “friends”?

  9. Francis Woods

    OMG!!! I totally get this article! SOme of my bffs are annoying like this. I am sleeping and get a text that they’re waiting for me downstairs. What’s that all about???

  10. I love my girl friends, I really do. Saying no to them is a hassle, but sometimes a friend’s got to do what a friend’s got to do. But since I met my husband, I’ve got my priorities straight now.

    • Francis Woods

      You shouldn’t let your friends get their way! I mean, I also love my bffs, but I need sleep. Sleep > Bffs. LOL 😛

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