Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

How to tell if a friend really has your best interest at heart, or is just using you.


Is She Critical Just for the Sake of Being Critical?

“How does this skirt look?”, does not warrant a response about you needing to lose twenty pounds. The glaringly obvious reason behind this is jealousy; a trait toxic people often posses. It’s usually a reflection of something your friend is uncomfortable with themselves about; something they think you have, that is better than what they have. So they’re critical over everything, just to take you down a notch.

I once had a friend that would complain about every life choice I ever made; I never had a good boyfriend, job, or outfit in the ten years we were friends. When I had my life together, she liked to tear it down so that I would be at the same level as her again.

Recognizing that your friend isn’t pushing you to do your best, but only pushing you down in the mud, is a difficult thing to do. No one wants to admit that to themselves. But once you let these people out of your life, the confidence boost you’ll get from no one harping on you constantly is worth it.

Cutting the Fat: How the Deal With Toxic People

Weigh Your Losses

This isn’t to say that people are disposable. They’re not. But think about someone missing from your life for a month or so. What are you losing? If some of the answers you come up with are, “I’d have more money because she’s dragging me places with outrageous cover charges”, and, “I might actually get more than three hours of sleep”, it may be best to let this person subside from your life.

If you find yourself leaning more towards a more, “Well sometimes she can get on my nerves but she encourages me to leave the house and see daylight instead of Netflix binging”, this could be a person you just need a day or two breather from. They’re not a bad friend; you just spend so much time with them that even a misplaced sigh could have you at their throat.

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Reader Discussion: 52 Comments

  1. Toxic people will always try to control you. If somehow you got released from their control, they will now control the environment against you. That’s why toxic people should be given a high five. In the face. With a chair. Repeatedly.

  2. Elijah Jones

    My toxic/plastic friends are my training dummies. If they are toxic to me I will be toxic to them, if they are plastic then i will be plastic also. Learning this skill familiarizes me with their behavior and will actively avoid others who have these traits. That’s why i keep them close for reference.

  3. Monique Malick

    Oh, cmon! Be sensitive, it’s very easy to know if a friend is just using you. I hate users!

  4. Jodi Thil

    Make boundaries. It’s the only way to avoid user friends. It’s not that you’re being mean to them, you’re just sick of them.

  5. Toxic friendship is just like a shitty relationship with a douchebag. Leave, if you think you’ve been taken for granted.

  6. Candis Melton

    If you think that one of your friends is acting like a sh*t. You can always cut them off. Don’t think about how long you have been with each other, think about the reasons why you should give up the friendship.

  7. Don’t compare what you gave and what she gave to you. Friendship is about helping each other to grow. It’s not math that has a computation.

  8. Carol Joyner

    There are instances that you’ll meet people like these. There’s nothing wrong to give too much for the sake of your friendship. But if your friend is bragging you down, along with her, stop it. Make an action.

  9. Olive Williams

    Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about with my friends. I always tell them that ***** is a freaking toxic in our circle. I’ll let them read this article. Lol.

  10. Carrie Bleau

    Insecurity kills! I have a friend like this. I don’t know if she’s just concern, or she is really insecure of me. I don’t get it, we’re friends, and a real friend should be happy for her friend, right?

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