How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates

Are two dates better than one? Why we should all give love a second chance.

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If you’re in the dating game right now you’ve landed at one of the worst times in history to get involved. The world has turned. No more stolen glances across coffee shops. Or sitting a little closer than is proper in a public library. Romance is done. We want our dating fast, we want it simple and we want it before our Uber arrives.

How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates

The problem with the glut of apps that now influence our dating behaviour is they make everyone disposable. Crooked smile? Swipe left. Hint of a belly? Swipe left. We scrutinize potential love interests as purchases, cold and calculating. The outcome? Quick fire decision making is flooding into the date itself and killing our relationships before they begin.

Maybe we all need to hit slow-mo on our dating behaviour. Take a breath and give someone more than one chance to steal our hearts. Two dates may be the key to overcoming the sweaty palms and bad jokes of the first.

Still not convinced? Here are three great reasons to invest in more second dates:

1) FAMILIARITY BREEDS AFFECTION

Ok, so remember way back before we controlled our love lives on our phones? Where did we all go to meet a potential mate? WORK! Work was the key. You sat next to some guy in an awful office and he started off annoying as hell. Then slowly, slowly those things that drove you crazy became cute. That bad habits turned adorable. And hey presto, you’re kissing at the Christmas party and skipping into the sunset.

Perhaps life didn’t always work out like that and perhaps two dates isn’t enough to turn a frog into a prince, but it gives him a fighting chance. It also lets you both take a breath and evaluate the other in the best possible way.

2) ENVIRONMENT MATTERS

Sometimes the setting alone will determine the date’s success. If you’re in an empty restaurant listening to your cutlery squeak you’re pretty much guaranteed to have a shoddy time. In a buzzing bar where it feels like the world is having fun? Much more likely to equal a successful date. Plus, it becomes even more complicated when you add in people’s comfort zones and preferences.

If you want to know if you really like a guy it makes sense to see him against different backdrops and determine if you really are a good match.

3) NERVES CHANGE PEOPLE

Ever go to a job interview and be completely yourself? No, of course not. Dating can be job interview nerves squared. If you are feeling sweaty palmed and struggling for witty conversation, it’s likely he is too. Nerves can make us someone else.

How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates

That’s why it can be worth a couple of dates to allow that knotty feeling to disappear and discover the person underneath. Sometimes a little time can transform an awkward or over confident guy into a genuinely great one.

…BUT… a second date won’t always be the answer to our dating dilemmas.

For the creepy, the aggressive or the dates that just give you a gut no it’s always right to walk away. But perhaps investing a little more time in the maybes might uncover a few surprises.

Sam is UK based freelance writer with a semi-serious addiction to vintage clothing. Powered mainly by chocolate and tea she spends her days creating articles, blogs and content for fashion and lifestyle brands. Mum to one and nearly wife to another. She thinks she may have a novel in her, she just hasn’t found it yet.

Reader Discussion: 55 Comments

  1. Christina Brown

    You are right. I really truly loved this part:
    Maybe we all need to hit slow-mo on our dating behaviour. Take a breath and give someone more than one chance to steal our hearts. Sparks rarely fly after a 1-hour coffee date. You didn’t fall in love at first sight right? that’s we should give them a second chance anyway.

    • Thank you for your lovely comments Christina – I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

  2. Helen Dark

    Completely and utterly true. And well written. I’m usually open to meeting a second time even if I’m not feeling a great attraction. I think that so many people are nervous when they meet for a first date, that neither one are being themselves. Another reason a lot of people do not move from 1st date to 2nd date is because they put too much pressure on themselves or their date.

    xoxo
    Helen

    • Thanks Helen – I agree – our expectations of what a date ‘should’ be sometimes stop us enjoying what’s there!

  3. Great article Sam! For me attraction does usually take time to develop. It seems though that many men want to know right away how a woman feels. I really appreciate when a man pays my Valet/drink/dinner mostly because it shows that they care about my needs — it’s a sign of respect. I can certainly afford to pay, but chivalrous actions show a woman that a man is tuned in to something other than himself… So even if I don’t like him, I’ll give a man like that a second chance. 🙂

    • Thanks Keisha! I agree how a person conducts themselves on a date is really important. We might have called it chivalry but what it boils down to is them being polite and considerate and that’s generally a sign of a good one 🙂

  4. Daisy Clarke

    Everything you said is absolutely 100% true! You owe it to yourself and to him to give it another chance so you can have the experience of getting past the initial awkwardness. On a second date you will get to know him better and begin to see his true colors and the qualities that make him a real person.

  5. A second date really can help you really confirm your vibes. I went out on a date and she seemed fine, didn’t really click, but she had two interesting jobs. I just didn’t get much of a good connection with her. Then we went on a second date, and ever since we have been seeing each other exclusively – 5 months now. 🙂

  6. Christina Norelli

    I believe that people are a lot more comfortable and more themselves on second dates. I have never met someone and instantly hit it off. I blame it on being a completely different person than I appear in the beginning.

    • I think we all have a bit of a barrier up on date no.1. My fiancé says I came across pretty scary on the first few dates….Apparently I’m still quite scary but he got used to it…

  7. Elin Hanks

    Lovely advice! I just got home from a date with someone else who is just as bad at small talk as me. I just picked up on a previous conversation we had over messenger and conversation seemed to flow pretty well! I guess a lot of it depends on the rapport you establish with a person. I have a feeling our second date will be a success!

  8. Ariana Rhyder

    I had the biggest, goofiest grin reading this description/piece of advice. Reading it just really did something for me, and I appreciate that. You seem like an awesome person, and the world would be better if more people had mindsets like yours.

    • Thanks Ariana – that’s such a lovely thing to say. Gosh *blushing writer*..

  9. Can confirm. My husband now, was about to dump me for being boring on our first date, where I’d been advised by friends to “tone it down”. I realized I was probably not going to see him again so I decided to have fun and let the real me out. Result – been together 14 years, married 10 years so far and two adorable kids. 🙂

  10. Carol Warren

    For me, in the past I gave chances. It never develop ever unless it was someone I had a great time with but didn’t feel attracted to. Only then did it develop. So now I know to give chances only to those that I had fun with not just a pleasant time with.

    As for spark. Just because they didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t. I only date those I spark with and I had one last two yrs. It just takes work to find a good one.

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