How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates

Are two dates better than one? Why we should all give love a second chance.


If you’re in the dating game right now you’ve landed at one of the worst times in history to get involved. The world has turned. No more stolen glances across coffee shops. Or sitting a little closer than is proper in a public library. Romance is done. We want our dating fast, we want it simple and we want it before our Uber arrives.

How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates

The problem with the glut of apps that now influence our dating behaviour is they make everyone disposable. Crooked smile? Swipe left. Hint of a belly? Swipe left. We scrutinize potential love interests as purchases, cold and calculating. The outcome? Quick fire decision making is flooding into the date itself and killing our relationships before they begin.

Maybe we all need to hit slow-mo on our dating behaviour. Take a breath and give someone more than one chance to steal our hearts. Two dates may be the key to overcoming the sweaty palms and bad jokes of the first.

Still not convinced? Here are three great reasons to invest in more second dates:


Ok, so remember way back before we controlled our love lives on our phones? Where did we all go to meet a potential mate? WORK! Work was the key. You sat next to some guy in an awful office and he started off annoying as hell. Then slowly, slowly those things that drove you crazy became cute. That bad habits turned adorable. And hey presto, you’re kissing at the Christmas party and skipping into the sunset.

Perhaps life didn’t always work out like that and perhaps two dates isn’t enough to turn a frog into a prince, but it gives him a fighting chance. It also lets you both take a breath and evaluate the other in the best possible way.


Sometimes the setting alone will determine the date’s success. If you’re in an empty restaurant listening to your cutlery squeak you’re pretty much guaranteed to have a shoddy time. In a buzzing bar where it feels like the world is having fun? Much more likely to equal a successful date. Plus, it becomes even more complicated when you add in people’s comfort zones and preferences.

If you want to know if you really like a guy it makes sense to see him against different backdrops and determine if you really are a good match.


Ever go to a job interview and be completely yourself? No, of course not. Dating can be job interview nerves squared. If you are feeling sweaty palmed and struggling for witty conversation, it’s likely he is too. Nerves can make us someone else.

How to Find Love: 3 Reasons to Go on More Second Dates

That’s why it can be worth a couple of dates to allow that knotty feeling to disappear and discover the person underneath. Sometimes a little time can transform an awkward or over confident guy into a genuinely great one.

…BUT… a second date won’t always be the answer to our dating dilemmas.

For the creepy, the aggressive or the dates that just give you a gut no it’s always right to walk away. But perhaps investing a little more time in the maybes might uncover a few surprises.

Sam is UK based freelance writer with a semi-serious addiction to vintage clothing. Powered mainly by chocolate and tea she spends her days creating articles, blogs and content for fashion and lifestyle brands. Mum to one and nearly wife to another. She thinks she may have a novel in her, she just hasn’t found it yet.

Reader Discussion: 64 Comments

  1. Cassy White

    Meeting a person for multiple time will accurately gauge your compatibleness and you will get to know who you are dealing with. I think you can spot a person just pretending to be a goodguy right?

  2. Francis Armstrong

    I do not believe in “First impression lasts”. People react differently depending on circumstances, and I personally do the same especially when I meet a new person. I do not act naturally because I am conscious of how I look and act. I think it goes the same way with men. So when you see a person you like but you got turned off the first time you hang out with him, give him more chances, you will eventually know if he is worth your time, effort and love.

  3. Samantha Tran

    Get to know your colleague or meet new people the old-fashioned way and enjoy face to face conversation and spend the time to find each other likes and dislikes. You are not only giving someone a chance to be part of your life but also yourself to find the person that can be the love of your life. Works both ways.

  4. Maria Wolfe

    If love is what you are finding, do not ever trust these ridiculous dating apps. You will just waste your time and attracts lunatics in your life.

  5. As for me, you also need to enjoy your dating journey. Sometimes we fell very pressured to find the right guy when honestly, there is no perfect and right guy, you both will make a perfectly imperfect relationship with the man you choose to be right.

    • Patti Luna

      One of the best comments I have read. You will never find the perfect person because s the saying goes “No one is perfect”. But you just work it out with the person.

  6. How can you truly know a person with just a date or two? It takes time to be comfortable with another person and to for the feelings to grow. Love is something you work on and remember that it always takes two to tango.

  7. Everything now is fast-forwarded. No one wants to slow down because they are afraid to lose chances in everything they do. Instant noodles, fast-food, speed dating, all are moving so fast. Even in my own personal life, I just want to hit pause to at least savor moments in my life.But I guess that is how life now, anything can happen in an instant.

  8. Christina Brown

    You are right. I really truly loved this part:
    Maybe we all need to hit slow-mo on our dating behaviour. Take a breath and give someone more than one chance to steal our hearts. Sparks rarely fly after a 1-hour coffee date. You didn’t fall in love at first sight right? that’s we should give them a second chance anyway.

    • Thank you for your lovely comments Christina – I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

  9. Helen Dark

    Completely and utterly true. And well written. I’m usually open to meeting a second time even if I’m not feeling a great attraction. I think that so many people are nervous when they meet for a first date, that neither one are being themselves. Another reason a lot of people do not move from 1st date to 2nd date is because they put too much pressure on themselves or their date.


    • Thanks Helen – I agree – our expectations of what a date ‘should’ be sometimes stop us enjoying what’s there!

  10. Great article Sam! For me attraction does usually take time to develop. It seems though that many men want to know right away how a woman feels. I really appreciate when a man pays my Valet/drink/dinner mostly because it shows that they care about my needs — it’s a sign of respect. I can certainly afford to pay, but chivalrous actions show a woman that a man is tuned in to something other than himself… So even if I don’t like him, I’ll give a man like that a second chance. 🙂

    • Thanks Keisha! I agree how a person conducts themselves on a date is really important. We might have called it chivalry but what it boils down to is them being polite and considerate and that’s generally a sign of a good one 🙂

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