10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate

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The quest to find my soulmate was challenging, to say the least. Often, it felt as if I had a better chance of winning the lottery than finding “The One.” Not only are there so many things vying for our attention and time, but there’s also the complicated dance of finding someone who we desire who also desires us and is available— on every level. Sounds daunting, doesn’t it?

10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate

Me, with my hubby Michael

I was a bit of a dating disaster. Not because I was a bad girlfriend (I wasn’t), but because I wasn’t focused. I dated guys I already knew were a dead end. I wasted so much time on guys who didn’t have the attributes I really needed in a man. I went out with movie stars, artists, entrepreneurs… I figured I had better odds if I said ‘yes’ to dates more often than ‘no’ — maybe one would stick. That said, I always had a strict no-physical-intimacy-until-after 10-dates rule though (more about that later).

It wasn’t until I hit 30 that I really got focused. I signed up for every dating site (and wrote about them here) and stacked my dates every free night I had. Two drinks: one after work at around 6pm, and another (the more promising date) at 7:30pm, so it could potentially transition into dinner if it was going well. While that led to a series of mediocre dates, it was exhausting. Eventually I gave up on that approach and asked my friends to set me up. That was when I met my soulmate. A fantastic blind date, followed by a month of dating, and we were engaged. Five years later and we’re still going strong.

If you’re still looking for your soulmate, here are ten things to remember when looking for your soul mate:

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A writer, artist and designer since she was young enough to put pencil to paper, Hilary spends most of her time in France, but still considers herself a New Yorker, and visits regularly. Hilary spent the past decade living in NYC and has traveled extensively around the world, looking for hot new topics, destinations, and brands to bring to Urbanette readers.

122 Comments

  1. George Sumanta

    You calmed my stormy heart. Thank you so much for this motivating article! I suddenly felt I owe myself a big HUG

  2. Jeweli Prater

    🤔 So now, how do we define soulmate?! Does it necessarily mean romantic partner?! 🤔

  3. Luthi Sanders

    May I suggest a follow-up article, “signs that I’ve found my soulmate…”?!

  4. Jessie Fernande

    I agree with making a list but I’d make a list of characteristics I love about myself, things that generate good feelings. I might sound narcissistic, but I just believe in self love…

  5. Reid Hooks

    Soulmate, I’ve seen her and she knows how I feel about her, just waiting for her to make up her mind, on what to do next.

  6. Angelo Henderso

    “If you truly are looking for love and want to find that person that you can spend the rest of your life with, remember that it is YOU who creates compatibility.”

  7. Honey Smith

    Oh well, I used to believe in soulmates and thought I had met mine. To me, he was perfect, I thought he was everything I ever wanted, and we were inseparable from the day we met. Unfortunately, he was a clinically-diagnosed psychopath…

  8. Juli Woods

    I think you should change the title. To me, the article suggests ways on finding a “romantic partner.” A soulmate doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic partner, right?! It may be a close friend…

  9. Anila William

    Relationship is a process, it is important to learn how to overcome obstacles for it to work.

    • Lusi Martin

      Yeah, both should communicate and understand!

  10. Nancy Smith

    I would be happy to test all of these and would be glad to report how effective they are 🙂

  11. Quin Meri

    I’d be interested if you can write a follow up article which discusses tips on how to find out if a man is trustworthy 🙂

  12. Carol Joyner

    It’s fine to be all goofy and weird because the person you love finds it attractive and it will even encourage to be as yourself because it shows how unique you are among others.

  13. Carrie Bleau

    This made me think twice about my bf. He’s not all serious about everything! He doesn’t even have a job and always partying like he doesn’t want any future in him!

  14. Wilma Moore

    I don’t believe in any polls I read on the internet on 10 things about your partner blah blah blah unless it’s a personal blog and a personal experience. And also, I base with the actions of the person I met.

  15. JACK

    This is why I always make sure that my gf and I are on the same page before I do something

  16. Luisa Rodriguez

    I’ve been a jerk to this girl because I wasn’t ready for anything serious. But after that, when I saw her with her new guy. My heart broke and I realized how I wanted her to be the one I’ll spend the rest of my life with.

  17. Ben Fulton

    After reading this, I can see that this girl that I’m dating right now is not wife material. She even cheated on me twice while we were in a relationship. Maybe it’s time to move on.

  18. Ani Hoker

    You’ll see the real attitude of a person by the way he treats other people especially his family and the way he is with his friends. You’ll see the difference.

  19. Katherine Donnelly

    Don’t pick and pick and then select people. It’s wiser to patiently wait for the right one for you to come while you prepare yourself to become the right one for them.

  20. Prepare yourself to be the right one as the right one prepare itself to be the one for you.

  21. Go and follow your dreams and achieve all your goals as your right one will just be at your side, watching as you become successful as he is for himself also. That is what I call a soulmate and a relationship goals

  22. Lancy Stanford

    Making this list while you’re dating is good because you’ll realize what kind of a person you’re with.

  23. Marina Josef

    I’ve been into wrong relationships. I thought they want future and marriage. I was wrong. They just play games with me and wasted time.

  24. Marina Bozek

    This is a helpful article for those who wants a future with their partner!

  25. Jesse Wyss

    I shared this with my husband and made this list. Then we showed each other what we made and we were both surprise to almost describe each other! Haha

  26. You’ll really know how a guy treats a woman base on how they treat their mother.

  27. Arlene Davis

    I’m going to make a list like this so I’ll know if this person that I’m dating right now is into a serious relationship

  28. Andrea Jones

    My soulmate is my best friend. We had an almost-relationship, it was perfect! But suddenly, he got this girl she met at a party, pregnant. He admitted his feelings for me but after a week, the girl went to his house and told him she’s pregnant. I was devastated but I think for the better. The child needs his father. So I give way. The child is now four years old and I’m her godmother.

  29. Carmen Griffin

    You really have to fully know the person to know if they’re the right one. Don’t get attached easily and learn to control your feelings when you’re getting to know them.

  30. William Dean

    I don’t get into relationships easily. I want something serious. I have no time for plays and games. I want a future with a wife and kids someday soon. And if she’s not ready for it, she’s free to make an exit

  31. Zoraida Martin

    One person is never a wrong person. It just didn’t work out.

  32. Della Martin

    Communication is a number one necessity in a relationship for you to have a better understanding with each other. if the both of you don’t

  33. Rosalia Russell

    This is why I never give myself easily. As long as it’s not stated that were in a relationship, I won’t give in. Minimum of 6 months!

  34. Elizabeth Gonzalez

    You’ll know when you’ve found your soulmate if you can open up to them your deep secrets and dreams and they still accept you for it. They even find it attractive.

  35. Karen Abeyta

    It’s cute that your husband had that list and even taught you about it

  36. Alena Martin

    I’m lucky with my husband since we met so unexpectedly. It was 5th of April, 2009. I was in a coffee shop where I suppose to meet my date, but he didn’t show up. I was pissed that time. But then, I receive a mocha frappe with a note, “smile! ur beautiful. ;)”. Didn’t knew back then that it was the Barista who gave me the frappe. Left a thank you note with a napkin. The next day, I went again to the coffee shop, I received another mocha frappe, with a note “u free 2day? :)” and replied from another napkin with a “yes.”. From that day until today, we’ve been inseparable

  37. Jurik Smith

    My age is nearly out of the calendar and I still haven’t found someone that I would settle in with.

    • Benjamin Goodman

      Don’t rush it. You’ll meet someone soon 🙂

  38. Martin Juyes

    I’ve always been fooled by girls. By the time I wanted to get something serious, they left in just a blink! Maybe it’s time for me to take things slowly yet seriously. I need this list in order for me to know if the person is also in the same line with me.

  39. Selli Coaze

    This is helpful. I’ve been to dates but nothing lasts! I’m gonna be making my list with this.

  40. Hena Taylor

    when you’re in love, the person you’re with will make you feel like they’re the one. even if they’re not, you’ll think they are.

  41. Andrea Mitchell

    Single life is fun and chill but it’s starting to get to me. I think I’m ready to start a family.

  42. Gerry Carlton

    With a luck like mine, I wouldn’t be too surprised if my soulmate married someone else or is dead already. But joke aside, I found this article very helpful. It helped me realize that I was looking for the right man in the wrong places.

  43. Gwen Keaton

    It must be fabulous to find your soulmate. I can only imagine how complete you must feel. I hope one day I can be so happy like you.

  44. Elin Hanks

    I completely agree that you should 100% be yourself, but that brings a question… How do I know if he’s 100% himself?

    • Janet Roper

      Good point. They should totally make an article about this. “How to tell if he’s lying or pretending to be something he’s not.”

  45. Chanelle Lewis

    Sounds very daunting, indeed. But mostly because of the way you described it. 😉 You’re such an amazing author. I don’t know why you haven’t published a book or a novel yet!

    • Emily Wentz

      Oh yes, she’s a pure talent. I’ve been following her work since day one, and there hasn’t been a single article by her that didn’t amaze me! I really admire her, and look up to her. 🙂

  46. Anna Kaplan

    Thank you so much for this brilliant article! Now that I know what to do, and what to look for, I won’t be afraid to go back in the dating scene. I used to be so scared because I was hurt before and most of my dates were nightmares.

  47. Kim Hartford

    I’ve found my one, but he doesn’t know it yet. I need advice on how to keep the one now that I’ve found him haha

  48. Maryann Smith

    I got out of an abusive relationship about a year ago, and I’m still not ready for dating again, but when I do, this article will be my guide. 🙂

  49. Loraine Aguilar

    Right when I was starting to think I should take a break from this dating scene, because it’s always a failure for me, you publish this article, and I’m thinking I should change my game and try again with your rules.

  50. Danielle Wilson

    I agree with every bit of advice you gave in this post. I had very similar dating rules of mine, back when I was single. Of course even when I followed the rules, I met some Mr Wrongs thinking they could be the one. But at the end, I met my prince charming, and been happily married for over 2 years. 🙂

  51. Sydney Nowak

    Thank you so much for this epic article, Hilary! I got a date on friday and I was very nervous about it. I’ll keep your tips in mind and hope that things go well!

  52. Klara Tytus

    You and Mike are such a beautiful couple that most beautiful would call #GOALS !!! It’s so obvious that you two were meant to be! I hope one day I get to be lucky enough to find myself in a such a fairytale like romance like yours.

  53. Well, you are a beautiful woman, Hilary. You can be picky. I’m sure it wasn’t hard for you to find dates whenever you wanted to date. Some of us aren’t as blessed with such good looks. Most of the time I find it difficult to find a match, let alone to go on a date. Lol.

  54. Nancy Musselman

    I like this 10 date rule. Making it one of my dating rules as off now. No wonder I always end up heart broken even before things get serious.

  55. Michelle Hewitt

    I completely agree with those must haves, but my must haves start with “Does he trust me?” “Does he respect me?” These are very important to me. Cause I can’t respect or trust a man who doesn’t mutually trust and respect me.

  56. Connie Schmidt

    Wow! An article about soulmates, based on reality. I will share this with my friends, and to my cousins that are looking for their soulmate. We should find ours before we get old!

  57. Amelia Beckons

    Awesome tips! But I gotta admit one thing, I don’t think “the one” can be found by searching for them. I think that you’ll meet them when it’s meant to be, if it meant to be. 🙂

  58. Maddi Lemmon

    Now I’m thinking about my boyfriend. Is he ready to build a family? I’m ready for it, but I’m scared that he is not ready yet.

  59. Lauren Gilson

    10 dates? Wow. I feel lucky if I get 3 days with the same guy. Not saying that’s when I hook up. It only happens so that it usually goes down the drain after second dates most of the time. I’m so unlucky.

  60. I’m happy that I already found my soulmate. I am proud to say that we met on a cruise ship, and we just hang out together. I felt some spark, and when he asked me out, who am I to say no? Hihihihih

  61. Matilda Parker

    I think online dating is completely fine. We are living in a new era where our whole life is online. We keep online diaries, we order food online, we make online calls via instant messengers. So why do people freak out when it comes to online dating? There’s nothing wrong with meeting people online. So what if there are creepers online? Any strange you meet offline could be a creeper too. People need to get over their judgements.

    • Nicky Bryan

      I completely agree with you! I met my husband on a military dating website and dated 5 months and got engaged, married on our one year anniversary. 🙂 8 years together now and we couldn’t be happier!

  62. Esther Devine

    Damn! So I should dump my boyfriend? I’m asking him about getting married, but he always changes the topic. I’m turning 27, and I want to settle down before I turn 30. I’m having a doubt about his actions these past few weeks, and I want to know if he’s in the same in the same lane with me, or he already shift a lane.

    • Maxine Ford

      Ask him! A girl like you should not wait too long. It’s better for you to know it as early as now.

  63. Sasha Rosswell

    Loved this article. While I agree with most of your advice, I must say that I personally don’t believe in second dates. If we click on the first date, it’s cool. I’ll see him again, but if I don’t like them on the first date, there won’t be a second date. Maybe it’s wrong, but that’s just how I roll.

  64. Robert Patel

    My wife makes me feel better. I know when the time I met her, she’s the one for me. I was a douchebag before, and I got better when we are together.

    • Ofelia Ruley

      Your wife is lucky to have you, sir.

  65. Joan Morales

    I don’t base on what I see on the internet because 75% of them is a lie. I want to see him in person and have a conversation with him. Communication is important to build a relationship.

  66. Joss Butler

    We, men, are not scared in responsibilities, but if a woman asks me about marriage on our getting-to-know each other stage, I’ll freak out.

  67. Sonja Fallow

    Love game is the hardest game in the book. Took me so many blind dates and dating sites to find my fiancé. I know how difficult and even depressing it can get. Hang in there girls, it’s only a matter of time before you find yours, if you play your cards right. Good luck! XO

  68. Jessi Agusta

    Lol. So, I’ll ask my date, are you into getting married because if not, goodbye? Hahaha! That will just scare him!

    • Brittany West

      Hahaha, of course, don’t ask him on your 1st date.

    • Nancy Musselman

      There’s no need to ask openly. You can always drop some hints and watch his reactions and replies. For example mention him your nephews / nieces and see if his face changes haha

  69. Bela Christo

    It takes time before you can know the whole personality of the person. If you seriously want the person, lying is your option to impress them.

  70. steev smith

    I’m in a relationship, and I love my girlfriend. I know that we’re not getting younger, but I want to get settled when I am financially stable. I have no idea about what my girlfriend’s thought about it, but I’m afraid that she’s expecting too much. 😥

    • Cristina Joseff

      Just a friendly advice. You two should talk about it. 🙂

  71. Hmm.. Making a list is not a bad idea. If it will help me to find my soulmate, there’s nothing wrong it trying it.

  72. Doreen Morales

    OH!!! I will give it a try. Hihihihih! I’m desperately looking for my soulmate because I’m not getting younger! I will share this with my friend as well. It’s time for us to MINGLE because we are SINGLE. Lol

  73. Lisa Bryson

    Being honest to your date is a must. What’s the sense of lying? It will just give you conflict in your relationship if he/she finds out that you’re lying.

  74. When we were dating, I ask my husband about settling down, and he seems shocked. I thought he wasn’t ready, but I was shocked when he proposed to me! I’m the luckiest girl alive that day, and after months of waiting, we got married. He said that he looked shocked that time because he was thinking the same too, and he didn’t expect that I’m ready for that.

  75. Wanda Lwis

    For a couch potato like me, dating through online is a more convenient way of dating. Instead of going out, and pushing your luck to find your mate at the bar, I’d rather lay down, and make a match through online.

  76. Blom Marcus

    Hilary is right. You don’t have to pretend to be like because the real beauty will come if you just be yourself. Find a man who will accept you for who you are. Always remember, there’s always a lot of fish in the sea. Hehe

  77. Henriett Bond

    Oh, cmon.. Soulmates? You seriously believe in that this 2017? When you gets old, what would you say to the new generation? Once upon a time, I was using Tinder, and I met my soulmate then we live happily ever after? Lol

  78. Deanna Woods

    My ex-boyfriend and I met through online. He was the perfect match for me, (That’s what I thought). We were good, and we dated for five months. Later on, I realized that we are not on the same path. I was looking forward to our future, while he’s looking forward for nothing. I was hurt because I thought we’re going to have a happy ending, but the reality is I was the only one expecting it.

  79. Eloise Ferris

    You should be honest, that’s a rule in dating. I know that we have to make a good impression, but you don’t have to lie to get it. It’s just a piece of cake, you know? Just be yourself, and let it go with the flow. If you keep hiding the real you, you will feel uncomfortable everytime you have a date.

  80. Artur Piterson

    I met my wife through a dating site. I can say that she’s my soulmate. The chance of finding your soulmate is higher compared before. We have social media, and dating websites unlike before that you can only meet people through your surroundings.

  81. Maria Bruce

    Why would you settle down with people you barely know? Of course, before you think about marriage, you must know the person first. It’s better to date for years for you to know him better.

  82. Kaitlyn Barrett

    Thanks to your advice here, I can see what I’ve been doing wrong all along. And I’ll be doing differently from now on. That was seriously helpful. Thank you, Hilary!

  83. Hachi Komatsu

    Dump him if he’s still the same person throughout the years. The person you’re dating should change little by little, not for worst, but for the better.

  84. HAHAHA! Oh yeah! The man should have respect for their mother. If he doesn’t respect his mother, what about you? Do you think he can respect you?

    • Ana Brose

      If my date has no respect to his mother, he doesn’t deserve me at any chance.

  85. Jeni Morgan

    He’s my soulmate, he made me feel better, and whenever I’m with him, I was so happy. We broke up, I left him, not because I was unsure about him, but I was unsure of myself. I know he is my soulmate, and not all of them have a happy ending. Soulmates are two people who’re souls has a connection to each other. I know, deep in my heart, he is, and he will always be.

  86. Wendy Hartt

    I used to date through online before I met my husband. Well, I can say that it’s hard to find your match even though there are lots of online dating sites that can get your matches.

  87. Pearl Nguyen

    It’s not always men that is the problem. In my case, it’s usually me. I’m a strange little soul. For example, I’ve met a few great men, who were 10 out of 10 in my book. That is until I start noticing tiny details like “oh wow he’s wearing grey socks in black shoes.” or “he tipped the waiter way too much. I can’t be with a man who spread money around like it’s nothing.” I don’t know what’s wrong with me. 🙁

  88. Brett Lee

    I once screwed up a date. I was with this girl, and I let her pay her bill. My friends are nagging me for doing that, but it’s just right for me. It’s not that I don’t have the money to pay for our bill, but I don’t want to spoil her. I want her to know that I’m that guy he’s going to date, but she left me, and she didn’t pay her bill. Lol.

    • Pearl Nguyen

      Welp. What did you expect? lol. A true gentleman doesn’t let his woman pay the bill even if she offers!

  89. Geraldine Chambers

    I love all the advice and tips you give here. But one thing crossed my mind, do we really have to marry “the one”? I don’t believe in marriage but I believe in true love. Can’t we just make it last forever without the marriage?

  90. Monica Collins

    Great advice, Hilary. Thank you. I realized while reading that I sometimes try and rush thing, because I’m a very impatient person, and I end up finding myself in a serious relationship with the wrong men.

  91. Camila Hilhorst

    Thank you so much for this article, Hilary. I was in a mental state where I was so pessimistic and ready to give up. But you gave me hope again. It’s just that I only seem to attract the kind of men that I don’t want. I’ll follow your advice and try again. Fingers crossed.

  92. Amber Taylor

    YAY! Thanks, Urbanette for making articles about looking for the perfect one. Gonna follow your tips!

  93. Ingrid Winston

    It must be nice to have found your soulmate. I really doubt that I’ll find mine. Abandoned all hope due to too many failures.

  94. Florence Townsend

    You couldn’t be more right! 🙂 There’s nothing to lose! Thank you for the encouragement.

  95. Dorothy Harris

    I made a list like your husband’s about a few year ago. Still haven’t met anybody that meets half the requirements I have on that list. It’s so difficult. You and your husband are very lucky to have found each other. I admire your marriage.

  96. Joel Bonpensiero

    These tips can be useful for gay-dating too! Trust me, it’s more difficult than straight dating. So, thank you so much, for all the advice.

  97. You’re a very brave woman Hillary. I could never trust people enough to meet them off the internet and then go out and meet them in real life. Too many perverts and weirdos these days. 🙁

  98. Genie Mackenzie

    I don’t believe in soulmates. Why should I? It’s just a fantasy, and we’re on the reality. Cmon, are you seriously looking for your soulmate on this day? Hahaha.. funny.

  99. Arlene Davis

    Sweet. My friends are setting me up for a blind date this weekend, and I’m giving it a shot. I’m a little bit afraid, and nervous at the same time because this is my first time dating somebody I never met before. I used to date a guy I met at the bar, but this? Dating someone I’ve never seen before creeping me.

  100. I don’t believe in soulmates but this article was a joy to read. Thank you so much!

  101. April Henry

    Seriously? After 19 days, that’s the time you will get laid? WTH. I can’t do that! Hahaha! That’s seriously hard for me, you know. I can’t wait until the 10th day for us to do the love making. Lol. I assure that I don’t get laid on the first date because that’s terrible for a girl.

  102. Jessica Castillo

    I’m afraid I’ve already met the one and lost him. I really hope there are more than one “the one”s out here…

  103. Sharon Payson

    Finding your soulmate is never is easy. It’s like looking for something that is impossible to find. Winning a lottery is possible that finding your soulmate lol.

  104. I do believe that finding the man of your dreams is all about timing. You might meet someone you have a deep connection with but you just met on a train on your first trip to Cambodia. Just imagine how is that relationship going to go through? Proper timing is not just about meeting that person, I think it’s also about the determination of the two of you to be together.:D

  105. Gabrielle Williams

    I read this out of pure curiosity (I’m married), and boy am I glad I’m not single anymore! Dating is so complicated nowadays!

  106. Courtney Watson

    BE HONEST –> Hell yes. I wish guys would be honest too! I can’t tell you how often I’ve dated a guy for two or three months only to find out he’s nothing like he pretended to be.

    • Beth

      Be thankful that you only wasted a few months, though. I married a man and only found out he was a completely different person from who I thought he was several years and a child later, when he decided he had had enough of marriage and was willing to be somewhat honest about who he really was. It was partly my fault though, I guess, because I accepted and made excuses for any bad behaviour on his part. I don’t intend to do that ever again!

  107. Sarah Evanston

    GREAT tips! This article made me realize that my problem with men is that I have a ‘type’, and it never works out. I like sensitive guys, but I keep mistaking insecurity for sensitivity, then putting up with the guy being annoyingly jealous and insecure. The sooner I stop dating guys like that, the sooner I’ll find my soul mate.

  108. “Be your true self” –> so obvious and true! I never understood why people pretend to be someone else, seems counterproductive unless you’re only looking for a month-long relationship… and even then — it’s just too much work!

  109. These tips are really useful, thanks! It reminds me that I need to make a list of every trait I want a man to have so I don’t waste time with men that don’t work for me. So important to have specific criterea. If I make time for a list when I go grocery shopping, you’d think I’d do it for my life partner!!

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