10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate

Actionable ways to help you meet your soulmate — much, much faster.


Be Your True Self.

Show up as your truest self – even if that means you go on a date with him and a few friends (something a little more casual). Hanging in a group is actually the fastest way of seeing how he really is around others. The rigid interview-esque format of the one-on-one, in which two people audition for the greatest role of their life — husband or wife — lends itself to acting. Connect with a human being, not a “future husband.” Be yourself because that’s who you’ll be in a few months anyway, and you might as well choose someone who likes you for your real self now instead of hiding until one day you become so exhausted you just can’t hide anymore – and you break up.

10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate

Be goofy, if that’s who you are! The sooner you find out if he’s into goofy, the better.

Is He Your Type? Then Maybe You Should Dump Him.

Take a step back and decide if you are dating the same guy over again. If you are then the chances are that it’s going to end the same way as all of the others. I didn’t have this particular issue, but a few of my girlfriends did. The reason that they kept being attracted to what was essentially the same person over and over is because that particular brand of comfort or drama felt familiar to them. But feeling familiar doesn’t necessarily mean he’s good for you. Take a look at the men you’ve dated in the past five years and see how many of them are really the same guy with the same issues just in a different body.

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A writer, artist, and designer since she was young enough to put pencil to paper, Hilary taught herself code and created Urbanette when she was a teenager. Currently, she spends most of her time in France, NYC, London and Switzerland, and travels extensively around the world. Hilary spent the past decade living in NYC, still considers herself a New Yorker, and visits regularly. She's always looking for hot new topics, destinations, and brands to bring to Urbanette readers.

Reader Discussion: 123 Comments

  1. Marina

    Thank you for offering the advice to not sleep with someone for at least 10 dates. I used to be a “sexually liberated woman” and would sleep with a man when I felt like it. It got me in trouble because I would become emotionally attached to men that were wrong for me. I slept with my soon to be ex-husband almost right away because I felt such a powerful attraction. The sex was absolutely mindblowing and the best I had ever had. I was sucked in and fell in love immediately. He was selfish from the very beginning, but I kept overlooking his self-centeredness because I wanted it to work, and I wanted more sex. 5 years later, I am in the midst of an ugly divorce after complete betrayal and abandonment by the man that was my whole world, that I made countless sacrifices for and that I loved as deeply as a woman can love a man. I always knew that I loved him more than he loved, I knew he was selfish, and I allowed him to disrespect me from very early on in the relationship because I was hooked with the sex. He broke my heart into a million little pieces and I am struggling to put my life back together. I haven’t turned cynical and I still believe in love. I’ve now made a decision that any man I date, I will get to know for a few months before making love with him. Yes, I love sex, but I have had enough of it in my life that I am willing to sacrifice it for some time to find my soulmate and avoid more failed relationships with the wrong men. I don’t know how anyone could possibly survive heartbreak this bad more than once. I don’t know if I’ll adopt your 10 date rule, but I would need to feel confident that I know someone before having sex.

  2. George Sumanta

    You calmed my stormy heart. Thank you so much for this motivating article! I suddenly felt I owe myself a big HUG

  3. Jeweli Prater

    ? So now, how do we define soulmate?! Does it necessarily mean romantic partner?! ?

  4. Luthi Sanders

    May I suggest a follow-up article, “signs that I’ve found my soulmate…”?!

  5. Jessie Fernande

    I agree with making a list but I’d make a list of characteristics I love about myself, things that generate good feelings. I might sound narcissistic, but I just believe in self love…

  6. Reid Hooks

    Soulmate, I’ve seen her and she knows how I feel about her, just waiting for her to make up her mind, on what to do next.

  7. “If you truly are looking for love and want to find that person that you can spend the rest of your life with, remember that it is YOU who creates compatibility.”

  8. Honey Smith

    Oh well, I used to believe in soulmates and thought I had met mine. To me, he was perfect, I thought he was everything I ever wanted, and we were inseparable from the day we met. Unfortunately, he was a clinically-diagnosed psychopath…

  9. Juli Woods

    I think you should change the title. To me, the article suggests ways on finding a “romantic partner.” A soulmate doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic partner, right?! It may be a close friend…

  10. Anila William

    Relationship is a process, it is important to learn how to overcome obstacles for it to work.

    • Lusi Martin

      Yeah, both should communicate and understand!

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