Getting Nagged? 5 Great Rebuttals
Don’t fret. We’re not here to probe into your romantic life with a dozen intrusive relationship questions like the ones below. We’re here to help you manage these invasive queries without causing any disruption in your life.
The trouble with a relationship question is that, in most cases, it’s not simply a question. It carries a pressure for you to take action on the subject. Meddlesome as it may appear, these questions are often delivered by close friends and family members who are concerned for your well-being. However, their definition of happiness and contentment are often different from yours.
The common denominator for these responses is that don’t give the askers the reply that they want to hear. Why? Because it only validates their choices, not yours. If you want to articulate your thoughts about the subject, fine. But remember, you’re not responding to confirm their choices. You’re responding to assert your choices.
Here are some of the most common intrusive relationship questions, along with their “appropriate” responses:
Question #1: “When are you getting engaged/married?“
Translation: You’ve been together long enough. You should get married already.
So you’ve been cohabiting with your boyfriend for about 5 years. Things work out just fine and you’re both enjoying the setup. Then her glib sister comes for a visit and drop the bomb ask the question. Actually, you’re thinking about it too, but you’re waiting for his brother to propose… Awkward!
Instead of sighing or a hasty “no plans yet” reply, try to answer the question with a witty retort: “Awww, you really want us to be happy sis. Well, we’re working this one out with your brother. If you want to help, better not ask.” You may include the “hahaha” to make it sound lighthearted.
If you want to sound a little wiser, you can explicate by saying something like, “Marriage is a very important decision. We want to think it through well enough. Please, I don’t wanna be like Kim Kardashian”. Not only will the asker shuts up to contemplate about the question herself, she will also look at you as a sensible person.
Question #2: “When will you have children?”
Translation: You should have children already so you can become a “happy” family.
Whether you and your husband can’t decide on having dogs instead of babies or you’re trying really hard to conceive, getting asked about the absence of a child in your married life is vexing. Society always looks at childless couples as incomplete. And for this reason, most people are excited for you to have a baby in order to become a “real” family.
If you’re trying to conceive, say “We’re trying”. If you are planning on having kids but not at the immediate future, just say “We need more time as a couple. We want to be ready when we have babies”. If you want to have a more stable life before having children, respond something like “Not until I get the degree” or “Not until John gets the promotion so we’ll be better financially”. If you don’t feel like discussing things, just smile and answer “If you stop asking, you’ll be the first person to know”.
If you and your partner plan on not having kids at all, better tell them directly. This way, they’ll stop asking and they won’t be given false hope (especially if the “they” are your parents.)
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