How To Control Your Jealousy


Jealousy: The Enemy Within


Jealousy, also known as “the green-eyed monster”, is a sly and conniving emotion that gets the best of you sometimes. Actually, not only does it get the best of you, but also the best of your relationship. You should never underestimate the power of jealousy because it can unimaginably change your life, and most of the time, without you knowing it.

Jealousy: The Enemy Within

Jealousy Vs. Envy

Jealousy and envy are commonly considered synonymous, but these two emotions are in fact different from one another. It’s important to tell them apart so that you know which you’re truly feeling, and so you can deal with each accordingly.

You should know the importance of jealousy’s role in your relationship. This overlooked emotion can become your biggest adversary.

Jealousy usually involves fear, specifically the fear of loss. You also feel suspicion and anger over some sort of betrayal. There’s uncertainty, loneliness, distrust, and sadness over this imagined loss. Additionally, you have a low self-esteem, fearing that you’ll lose your partner to someone who’s more attractive than you.

Envy entails feelings of inferiority and resentment of circumstances; at the same time, you disapprove of feeling such emotions. You feel the motivation to improve yourself as you feel longing to have that subject that you envy. You want to have the attractive qualities of the person that you envy; you also have ill will to that person, although you may feel guilty of this at times.

Now that you have an idea of what it’s like, take time and think. Is it really jealousy that you are feeling, or not?

Jealousy: The Enemy Within

It Ruins You

If a time comes that you’re convinced that the green-eyed monster has gotten hold of you, take action! Once you cross the line, it can pull you down like a quicksand; sucking the breath out of your relationship.

The green-eyed monster can ruin your relationship, no matter how perfect you think it is — IF you let it. In fact, it can happen in a number of ways you wouldn’t even think of. So take some time to get to know it to prevent it from ruining your happy ending.

Choking the Collar

Feeling a little jealous of someone is a normal emotion that’s experienced by everybody. Sometimes, your partner might even find it sweet to know that you’re jealous; however, when this sweet little act grows into an obsession, it becomes a nightmare.

Jealousy: The Enemy WithinToo much jealousy can turn you into a control freak. You’d try to be in command of every little detail of your partner’s life. You check up on your him almost every minute of the day, even to the extent of you following (stalking!) wherever he goes. Worse comes to worst, you may even put hidden surveillance cameras in your own home!

Suddenly, you’ve become a dictator amidst the democracy of your relationship. This can choke your partner, and in effect, your he’ll look for time and space away from you. Your partner will feel the need to breathe fresh air that has a 0% control freak component.

Call the Shrink

Too much jealousy can also cause psychological problems. If you think of it too much, you’ll definitely succumb to depression. This won’t lead to just mental problems, but even physical problems. You get depressed, you either gain or lose weight, and develop all the other complexities that come with the condition.

What does depression have to do with your relationship? If you suddenly start to transform into an emotionally unbalanced person, your partner may develop ill feelings for you, especially if your hunch is correct that he might be cheating.

This also affects how other people see your relationship. They may think that you’ve lost it and judge you as incapable of being a good parent to your children. It’s not only your relationship with your partner that is ruined, but also how you connect with your kids, relatives, neighbors, etc.


The green-eyed monster comes with the stigma of being immature. No matter how you try to appropriately behave, you’ll be judged as lacking maturity in all aspects. Your partner can view you as one, and there comes the issue of trust.

Too much suspicion can lead your partner to believe that you don’t trust him and that you don’t have faith that your relationship will workout. This can be dangerous — you’d be constantly fighting about the issue, to no point of reconciliation.

As soon as you see early signs of jealousy, nip it in the bud! It’s better to settle it early than let it grow into a bigger issue that’s far more than you can handle.

Originally from Denver and now living in NYC, Angie has been writing since she was small. She lives in the Flatiron district with her partner Tanya and their mutt Sparky (always adopt!) In her spare time she loves to paint (mostly abstract) and talk to random people on the street to find out what's interesting to them.


  1. Margarette John

    Just some friendly advice: Pick something to think of, so you won’t think of the other thing, to avoid jealousy and envy with other people.

  2. Luisa Smith

    Dear Men, Don’t give us a reason to be territorial. Ditch your hoes, and stay loyal. We can’t control our emotion, especially if you are with other girls.

  3. Jen Spillane

    I never thought about the distinction between jealousy and envy before, but that makes perfect sense.

  4. Randie Cadiogan

    Jealousy should be an emotion you can control. 😀

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