The 4 Laws Of Communication - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


The 4 Laws Of Communication

How to get through an argument without arguing.


We’ve all had arguments that got out of hand. We’ve all said things we’ve later regretted. The next time you’re in a heated discussion with your man, remember these tips to help get your point across with the least stress possible.

The 4 Laws Of Communication

1. Tailor Your Content

Men and women seem to be interested in different things, and this can manifest itself in conflict over the way we talk to one another. One of the first things we can do to address this difference is to make sure that we’re tailoring our communication to fit our audience. You know exactly what I mean, because this is something we already do with our female friends.

Let me give you an example. I am perfectly capable of commenting on the cut of a new coat or the sophistication of a pattern on a silk scarf, but I don’t share these details with my friend Anne, because I know that she’s not at all interested in fashion. Many relationships between men and women might also benefit from a similar sensitivity. Why don’t we extend the same courtesy to our spouses as we do to our friends, by focusing our conversation on topics of interest to both of us?

2. Keep It Simple

The 4 Laws Of CommunicationOf course, there’s a material difference between the way we talk to our female friends and the way we talk to our spouses; there has to be. I don’t have to go shopping with Anne, but couples are mutually involved and invested in domestic matters, including parenting, providing shelter for themselves and their offspring, and deciding how to spend money. We are, after all, in partnership with one another, so sometimes we have to bridge the gap by mastering a common language.

In most cases, men and women do understand each other, but I have found that when I make an effort to speak in a language men can easily understand, my message gets across more successfully. Make simple, declarative points, in order, and if you want something done, outline it clearly and simply. Don’t overdo it with anecdotes, or even use unnecessary adjectives.

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Marianne Legato is the author of 'Why Men Never Remember' and 'Women Never Forget'.

Reader Discussion: 7 Comments

  1. Bernard Donovan

    Women tend to go into relationships to “change” their man to their “ideal” They expect too much and when we can’t change for them we are the automatic bad guys. Have you ever considered that “WE” men, Go to relationships because WE think you are the best version you can possibly become? Any improvements are bonus any flaws are accepted. But to you we are projects.

  2. All of these arguments are compelling and on-point, following the rule #2. The only one that gives me doubt is #4. In my experience people are rarely willing to admit their shortcomings, it’s usually the opposite. And if you are unlucky to fall for someone dishonest, believing everything they say may be just the wrong thing to do. I personally read this last rule as ‘don’t start the relationship hoping you can change him for better’

  3. Believing what you hear is the most important! Don't ask for any explanation if you will not listen and believe.

  4. Hannah Mayers

    I always believe that less talks, less mistakes. In a “heated argument” between me and my man, I prefer to listen first (and do the talking later). LOL 

    But I make sure to choose my words. Wrong choice of words will cause bigger problems.

  5. Jen Garcia

    We are all different… we have different views, ideas, beliefs, way of communicating.

    I believe “keeping it simple” and “sticking to the matter at hand” go together. But I also believe that point of views should be expressed in a “humble tone” of voice. It’s never wrong to say what’s on your mind, it’s never wrong to express your ideas, but always do it with caution and respect to the other person.

    Just remember: 10% of conflicts are caused by WHAT is being said, 90% are caused by WRONG TONE of voice.

  6. These are good tips, though it can be hard to follow them (or any others, for that matter) when you're really upset about something. I guess the first thing to do is try to keep a cool head 🙂

  7. It's really easy to get lost in an argument and stray away from the main reason you were suppose to be arguing about. When I and my ex use to argue it would be constant back and forth and we both end up reveling things that should have been said before. It's completely a bad idea waiting for an argument to spur before letting your partner know any prior issues. It just builds up more anger. Thanks for the article. These are good tips and should help those in need of properly communicating.

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