Womens Issues

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

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‘Striking a chord’ is an understatement when I think of the last article I wrote for Urbanette. The article discussed the detrimental effects of gonzo pornography (ie. the type that’s especially degrading to women, shot from the male perspective). Following its publication, my Twitter account was set ablaze with protestation, all but drowning out the voices of supporters.

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

Thousands upon thousands of tweets arrived in my notification box channelling – well, ‘hate’. These ranged from insults about the way I look and my supposed ‘jealousy’ of pornstars, to accusations of having been ‘kiddie fiddled’ as a child (yeah, that was a new term to me, too). Amidst all of this were the shocking threats of brutal violence; not from a few, but from many. The tweets came from porn stars themselves, like current flavor, Mercedes Carrera (who I recently became aware of); the ‘die hard’ fans (who are a law unto themselves!) and many, many very angry men (to be explained…!).

All because I spoke out against pornography.

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

 

And yet it wasn’t all bad. I was simultaneously receiving messages from both women and (a few) men who understood and supported the article’s message of exposing sex industry abuses. They elevated my spirits, lifting me out of the deep swamp of negativity. Although I felt like a moving target, I saw this backlash as opportunity. What was revealed was what we don’t usually get to see in academia. This was real-time, visceral feedback and findings on degradation-porn’s relationship to its fans.

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

 

As the days unfolded, and the varying degrees of abuse hit my inbox, I quickly realised that I had incidentally kicked a hornet’s nest. The anger conveyed was akin to a religious fundamentalist’s response after having their belief system challenged. Or the reaction you’d get after expressing support for Millwall FC at West Ham United match in the UK (they hate each other!).

For the porn fans, was it the threat of having their comfort zones examined? Had they become so accustomed to high speed vast arrays of hot babes getting dp’d that they now couldn’t live without them? The answer, technically, is yes.

You see, gonzo porn, in its full degrading technicolour glory, has created a society of helpless (but not hopeless) addicts. And this type of addiction is the same as that of a hard drug — it’s a bonafide physical dependence. Science has shown us that real neurological changes happen in the porn addict’s brain. Yes, porn actually physically changes the viewer’s brain. New neural pathways are created to accommodate the unnatural speed of arousal when viewing boundless quantities of extreme, explicit imagery.

As the porn addict slowly adapts to this unnatural, digital environment, there are consequences. Erectile dysfunction, and becoming desensitized to real sex and lovemaking, is not the least of them. You can read more about that in This is Your Brain on Porn.

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

How I Got Tongue-Lashed By Porn Addicts

Many consider pornographic actor, producer, director, Max Hardcore (AKA Paul Little) to be the father of degradation porn. Max initiated the puking, choking and fisting of women as solid codes of porn. As it turned out, demand was huge and he made millions. I find it interesting that he was brought to trial many times for child pornography distribution and obscenity, but it regularly resulted in a ‘hung jury’. We have to ask ourselves whether Max, and his love of sexualizing children and brutalizing women, struck a certain mutual approval with members of the jury, aiding him in his many acquittals. Although his influence permeates the the gonzo genre, whilst not using children in his scenes, Little often makes the actresses admit to being ‘twelve years old’ on camera. He eventually spent two and a half years in prison convicted of obscenity after extreme, degrading content relating to children and women were seized by FBI.

I guess what I expected the least was the reaction from women currently working in the sex industry. A far cry from solidarity amongst our gender, in its place arrived a show of anger and hate with declarations of how much they love sex. But it isn’t real sex that we are talking about here, it’s pretending to like porn-sex for money; more money than a working-class women could earn. Of course they pledge allegiance to an industry that will feed their kids and pay for the roof over their heads. After all, how many of us ever consider biting the hand that feeds us?

But this is the patriarchal bargain. For their mistreatment and the graphic display of their bodies, they get to buy the necessities – and a bit more.

And even if they lie about the empowerment they feel (when the truth is they hate the perving strangers), at least in bringing these issues to light, they will be forced to acknowledge the unavoidable truth: that it’s all a lie. It’s not in alignment with true liberalism at all. None of us like the perverts. It’s just a way to survive. Gonzo porn is the least liberally progressive phenomenon of our time, and as oppressive as the extremely racist speeches of the far ring-wing circa Donald Trump.

 

Now, read the article that sparked all the controversy: The Sex Industry, Gonzo Porn and Me…

Vikki Dark is a British writer and academic whose oeuvre spans erotica, biography and transgressive fiction. Her latest book, about an adult film star, focuses on contemporary feminism relevant to cyber culture and sex.

76 Comments

  1. Kevin Shipp

    You have a powerful message Vikki so Keep speaking. We men need to be made aware of the rampant abuse that goes on within this industry we greedily consume.

    • Agreed! I try not to look at porn because it’s usually so degrading to women, and I don’t want to ever, even for a minute, look at women that way. It’s much healthier to go out and meet women to have something real with then to use porn on a regular basis.

  2. Steven Gibbons

    Excellent article.
    I’ve shared this on twitter and Facebook.
    An insightful discussion on porn,how people involved can be/feel protected,and how acts of sex can be shown in a pleasurable way between people is important.
    Porn at present isn’t about pleasure and love,and its depiction of women especially is bleak and disposable

  3. Molly Twain

    It’s obvious that pornography brings far more harm to our society than good. These negative actions and attitudes against women make it clear that pornography is against the humanist idea that all people are worthy of safety and respect.

  4. Lynn Hayes

    It’s about what society believes is enjoyed and how this oppresses women. Women are seen as aobjects in porn. Porn vids only focus on the female in hetero porn. It’s an industry focused on exploiting girls and perpetuating a beauty standard, not only just violent!

    • Rachel Swindon

      The way that porn equates sex with violence and debases women is both disturbing and out of line with the tenants and ideals of humanism.

  5. Evelyn Sandler

    Those people who lashed you on Twitter are deluded cause they don’t realize the extent of violence in the porn world and how porn is often depicted in a degrading manner against women as well as increasing the abuse and usurpation of women/children etc as a result of increases in porn. So many males defend porn, even a few sick women too, it’s obviously their addiction and it’s sad that so many people can’t see how degrading it is to treat human sexuality that way.

    • Matilda Parker

      Very true. These men need to understand that the role violence plays in pornography trivializes rape, sexual aggression, and other forms of abuse. When we encourage males to include dehumanizing acts in sex and teach women to accept various forms of violence against them as a “natural” part of sexual activity, we are condoning violence against women.

    • Please come and support us on this link. We have real chance of change:
      http://www.desideriamo.it/desideri/protect-human-rights-pornography-2/

      Please come and voice your opinions to this vital debate Ladies.

      Thank you Evelyn. Women who support gonzo porn are conforming to what misogynists want. They are not feminists. They are pawns in a profiteers world. Now its affecting everybody

      Best wishes

      Vikki Dark

      • Kevin Shipp

        Proud you’re still fighting the good fight. Keep speaking out Vikki, You have A powerful message. And there is growing a grass roots movement of men deciding to not watch porn again.

  6. Sabrina Grattidge

    Porn degrades women greatly. If a child grows up in a racist environment, chances are he’s going to be racist. We grow up thinking porn is just a normal thing though porn completely caters to the male point of view of everything. female Pornstars literally come out and say porn doesn’t really feel good for them because of how they must show off the action. Those who disagree should look up more articles and interviews and get woke. In the majority (90% at least) the female is being dominated even if it doesn’t look like it. If the guy wants sex, he gets it no matter what.

  7. Nicky Bryan

    Facts are facts! Porn teaches men to be disrespectful to women. That’s gotta be why those guys didn’t know how to show their disagreement with you in nicer words.

  8. Emma Blackwood

    Porn is problematic. Not only because they do violent act, but also that people start thinking that it’s the way sex is done, and that’s how they should do it. Especially younger people! They get their sex education from porn. Now what kind of sexual behaviours would you expect from a man who’s “learnt it all” from porn?

  9. Pearl Nguyen

    Of course the porn lovers would react badly, it’s what they learn from porn, to be violent, mean and rude… Hang in there, Vikki! Only a matter of time violent porn is banned, just like animal porn, and child porn were banned. As long as we stick to this cause, we can make it happen.

  10. Kaitlyn Barrett

    I’d’d advise any man fantasising about hurting women during sex or who have become addicted to this kind of porn to seek professional mental healthcare. Who in their right mind would want to do that? And if they don’t want to do it, why would they watch it?

    • Pamela Sanabria

      Not only do they watch it, some also advocate it apparently. It would be simply naive to claim that porn has no effect on our society. Porn and culture interact, simultaneously reflecting and shaping each other.

    • There should be a whole new sub-set of shrinks who deal with this — would be a profitable niche!

      • Hey Andrew,
        That is a really interesting idea and is absolutely accomplishable for the right professional. Would you be able to relay this on the link I’ve placed within these comments please?I’m collating a montage of voices regarding the issues raised.
        Thank you
        Vikki

        • Greg

          There is they are called sex therapists. All though most agree that porn addiction can cause problems with real sex and relationships, it’s pretty much unanimous that engaging in bdsm and other forms of domination don’t suggest any serial deviation or violent tendencies. It just means that’s what you like. And with consenting adults who are we to judge.

    • Greg

      Or maybe some people have different attractions then you do

  11. Franny Pimms

    I’ve come this sad conclusion that most of the human population think that those violent acts are just act, and even if it’s not, it’s okay, because the actress got paid to do it. – Losing my faith in the humanity….

  12. Camila Hilhorst

    As a society we are becoming more desensitised to violence from everything from films to video games. Porn isn’t even the beginning or the end of it. What about all those music videos that are shown on TV that degrade women? It’s all so wrong, and must be stopped!

  13. Andrea Mitchell

    The portrayal of women in porn is a complete degrade and disgrace. It leads to make people think all the gore and violence is a part of sex. No wonder there are men out there who verbally abuse a respectable author because she’s uncovering this ugly truth.

  14. Delilah Peyton

    When will men realise that mainstream pornography is degrading to women and promotes sexual violence?? They’re geniunely not aware that it’s wrong! Which I assume is why those people reacted badly to your article.

    It’s gotten to a point where it’s not pornographic anymore, it’s grotesque. I don’t feel anyone in their right mind could find it appealing.

  15. Emily Wentz

    If those men don’t want to see the fact that porn is degrading for the women, and bring their deniance to the point of bashing you, I feel very sorry for them.

  16. Julia MacLean

    It’s a fact that watching porn really affects your brain very badly. Which is one of the reasons why I’m against it.

    My point is, porn must have fried away the brains of these addicts who have tried to bash you on Twitter lol

  17. Colleen Frasier

    Let the haters talk, and comments all the disrespectful stuff they wanna say. It only shows how ugly they are on the inside. You’re a respectacble intellectual. You will never stand on the same level as them.

  18. Hey Everybody,

    It’s so refreshing to read such positivity. Thank you Ladies. I can’t not be candid about this as we all know the majority of porn is one big sickening carnival that is twisting men up. The sex industry is generally not in the interests of women. There are a few producers who are innovating and cater for us women by not totally objectifying us but they are being swamped by gonzo, male market porn. There will always be disagreeable genres but the sheer ubiquity of this is affecting children and us women now. It needs paywalling.

    Celebrity and Ambassador of Women’s Rights, Simonetta Lein, has pledged support through The Wishwall Foundation with Sara, President of Protea of Human Rights, Italy.We have four proposals to take to the UN.

    Come and support us on this link:
    http://www.desideriamo.it/desideri/protect-human-rights-pornography-2/

    Please come and voice your opinions to this vital debate Ladies.

    Bests

    Vikki Dark

    • Celine Carter

      I completely support your cause! Just shared the link above on Facebook, hoping that my 3000 something friends will be useful for something for once 🙂

  19. Tiffany Norris

    Such a beautiful article! Your words never fail to inspire me. We speak out because we care. The truth is often overlooked or ignored. Too many people react and get mad because they they refuse to hear it. We must have an attitude of pursuing the truth no matter where it may lead us.

  20. Anna Kaplan

    “The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it.” – George Orwell

    🙂

    • I think addiction to anything is harmful, but men will always experience sex from a “male perspective” so there will always be a demand for this type of porn. And not everyone is a young basement dwelling loser who should have better stuff to do. What about a disabled vet in his 60s should he be denied porn because it objectifies women?

      As long as we have material bodies we will objectify each other- the damage isn’t in the art the damage is in whether or not you do enough of it to poison your perspective on women in the real world.

      • Briana

        Axaus, your comment is well meaning, but demonstrates the type of sexual entitlement that porn encourages in men. You have proved the author’s point.

        Nobody is entitled to women’s sexuality, not even 60-something disabled veterans. Men like that can ‘help themselves’ without the use of prostituted women.

        Your comment implies that women have no choice or vote, because men like it, and male entitlement takes priority. This is why we have law and order in the first place — to prevent the ‘wants’ of some from thwarting free and equal society.

        • Absolutely Agree Briana. There are collectives who support prostitution to ensure disabled men get theirs. This too suggests women as sexual fodder is utterly natural. We are human beings not objects like men want and try to keep us being. Women who act in gonzo porn are not sexually free either; they’re earning a crust from a misogynist’s world. The ‘art’, Axaus, is the problem I’m afraid.

    • Wow – what a fantastic quote. I hope you don’t mind if I re-use that in the event that I should get further abuse!?x

    • Wow – what a great quote! I hope you don’t my if I re-use it, in the event that more abuse comes knocking?! x

  21. Marina Henderson

    Took my time and read the whole article, and all comments. And I must mention that I agree with all of them. People hate to hear the truth about themselves. In my opinions those guys were sent into a rage of denial that made their blood boil, causing us to unleash a verbal attack on you. You know this is exactly where the saying, “The Truth Hurts” comes from. Humans absolutely HATE to hear about their faults. Your article must have made them feel so guilty about themselves!

  22. Cornelia Green

    Awesome! Great writing and I agree with what you write. Very powerful and I so needed to read this right now. The effects of porn addiction are long-lasting. Your post reminds me of the quote “Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed”. Thank you beautiful for being such a light in a sometimes cloudy world.

    • Thanks Cornelia. It’s ridiculously prevalent now. The government needs to take safeguarding measures. These profiteers do not care about effects on the children. How dare they keep aligning it with ‘freedom of expression? This convinces the young that it’s what liberalism is. Its BS. How can it be free when visibility is so lopsided and degrading to women and not men?

  23. Sydney Nowak

    Goodness… Looks like you’ve offended some pervs lol. It’s all good, nobody achieved their goals without facing some negativity. You’re working for a great matter, and obviously it’s made a great deal of impact on the social media already. Keep up the great work!

  24. Kimberly Thompson

    Please ignore those rude people who don’t know what they’re talking about. They need better education, and need to step out of their parents’ basement. Keep doing what you do! You’re destined for greater things. 🙂

  25. Merry Robinson

    I Love this for real. Absolutaly amazing words! I feel that you, Vikki, have gone through this experience and I appreciate you for your authenticity and candor. Thanks a lot from my heart to yours. Hugs and kisses. I would like to meet you. 😀

  26. Melissa Princeton

    The funny thing about truth is when it matches with what they want, think, or believe already, they love it. But, when it doesn’t, they hate it, and they attack or accuse those who spoke the truth. Obviously that’s what happened there with you. Their loss. Because you’re an excellent person, and those people surely have a lot to from your cause.

  27. Alice Harris

    Thank you so much for the amazing words shared above. I’m so glad to see the raising awareness about the devastation porn causes to people. I know how you feel. Most people are afraid to face reality, and in denial about their reality. When most people ask for your honest opinion, they are hoping you’ll tell them what they wanted to hear, instead of telling them the truth.

  28. Amelia Beckons

    They are only being selfish, ignorant and arrogant. Their opinions shouldn’t mean anything to you because you know better. If those people hate you for standing for something right, it means you are okay and they are not, they need help. Their insecurity is their curse.

  29. Cynthia Keller

    Thank you so much for this insightful blog. I really enjoy reading your writing. People are always going to feel anger when an opinion is vastly different from their own. Some people feel excessively strongly about certain issues. Because they can’t handle the truth!

  30. Diana Hewitt

    I know from personal experience that it’s the best but also the worst feeling in the world to get hate for standing for what you believe. Just embrace it, and keep moving. Because on you can let them get you or stop them from getting to you. ?

  31. Ayla Pennington

    This is just the beginning.. Once your articles, and cause go viral, you’ll start getting stronger and more reactions both negative and positive. It’s all okay, as long as you get your voice and message heard. Stay brave. Lots of love. ❤️

  32. Cheryl Angle

    Thank you thank you, Vikki. Even animals have better protections in film than women.

    I love your honesty, and it inspires my own candor. My generation brought on the “free love” and it was neither. Now women are bought and sold, filmed and degraded, trafficked and mocked. Free Love was neither!

    And, the boys mocked women who question the treatment of prostituted women i film – “prudes” labels and silencing.

    What you are describing Vikki is not sex. It is outright torture of women. For profit.

    And the creators and distributors are letting it get into hands of juveniles. They are liable!

    Perhaps a class action suit of mothers – at least lets get together and start outting these people. The producers live in rich enclaves their children go to school with prominent people maybe the dirty business could become unwelcome. What do others think?

  33. Jennifer McSween

    This is a very common problem these days. Social media enables people to turn into foul internet trolls who hide behind their computers and think it’s ok to trash talk people who have important things to say. Your incident is the exhibit A!!! I hope you don’t let those trolls get to you. They’re worthless. 😉

  34. Anna Adorika

    As per my view rape is one kind of sluggish type work where one person is taking too much happiness but another person is not getting anything though it’s true that sex is always part and parcel in our life and we must have to enjoy ourselves in a proper way.

  35. Roberta Bennett

    Your posts always hit the nail on the head. But not many people want to hear the truth, because their interests in the said subjects makes them feel bad about themselves, which means those people would have to express so many emotions and thoughts they would rather keep bottled up. So they may not like you for making them feel so uncomfortable. Except you have every right to make them feel uncomfortable because that’s what it takes to wake those people up into the reality of some really horrifying things which they have made themselves believe into think it’s okay.

  36. Most people don’t like those who speak the brutal truth, especially when it crosses their comfortzone. They get what they call here “butthurt”. The first phase of butthurt is defensiveness, second phase is agressiveness and third phase is to verbally attack that honest person. That’s exactly what seems to have happened in your case.

  37. Sasha Rosswell

    Everybody who does a good thing has haters, as well as supporters. Your previous article showed that you have both, so you know you’re doing the right thing! 😉 Best of luck on the way to the success!

  38. Shannon Bradley

    People show their truest faces when they feel endangered, offended or scared. They got all defensive and mean because you intimidate them, cause they know you’ve got a very big chance to win this battle against the porn industury. 😉

    • TRUTH!!! ???? Dogs only bark at those who they think is danger!! These guys fear you because the more people you reach out to, there’s a bigger risk they may lose their “precious” porn. Aww too bad for them. ? NOT!

  39. Danielle Wilson

    I’m not too surprised that you got both good and bad comments regarding the topic. In my opinion porn is gross, and degrading, and I’m all for getting it banned, but some people are obsessed with it. As we all know obsession is sort of a mental illness, so those poor fellas don’t know how to react humanely when something offends them lol how sad really!

  40. Lana Urie

    Oh those sad little men… As if their bashing was gonna stop you from doing what you know is right!

  41. Helen Franklin

    It’s Human nature. Whatever they’re stating obviously has flaws in it and i’m pretty sure they know it. They just firmly believe in it so much that any thought of it being false makes them angry. What other emotion’s do people get when their wrong? None. That’s what they’re getting for watching a lot of porno on the web.

  42. Sarah Evanston

    I feel bad that you received “hate” comments. I honestly hope you received MORE support than that of insults. A question remains, how do I (or we, women) want to stop porn from spreading? Or is it really possible to stop this and create changes?

  43. Ella Herrera

    This is so true. It is amazing to me how prevalent, how acceptable, pornography have become to men and women. It makes men get wired if they watch/read too much porn. Your words are inspirational, incredibly wise, reassuring, and much needed. Thank you, Vikki!

  44. Carolyn Donovan

    Can’t help but wish that more people are receptive to the idea (and evidence) that “porn” is a bad thing! You never fail to write motivating articles, Vikki. And whenever I finish reading your work, can’t help but be teary eyed. I can sense your truthfulness.

    • Francis Woods

      I agree!!! Vikki’s articles are heavy but full of inspiration and meaning!!!

  45. It’s terrible to think that you were insulted when you write an inspiring article 🙁 Anyway, I feel sad thinking that financial necessity are forcing some women to porn films, strip in the clubs, etc. which are actually demoralizing women…

  46. Elsie Spurlock

    This totally is one of the biggest TRUTH I’ve read lately. When one keeps on watching porn, it separates them from social contact dissolving into a fantasy world far from reality. You have such important and enlightening ideas to wake up to. I have a burning desire to help other women feel happy and healthy, like what you’re doing. I always love to read you but today you outdid yourself!

  47. This “woman hating culture” should be stopped and WE all need to work together. I’m bothered with the fact that even young boys (and girls) can access and can be addicted to porn materials. It’s alarming because what boys are watching form their attitudes to women.

    I think I’ve read 3 of your articles, Vikki! They are all enlightening! I hope you would still continue to inspire despite being tongue-lashed by these porn addicts!

    • Cheryl Angle

      I share your concern. We are beginning to see child-on-child sex crimes in grade schools modeled on porn.

      Also, agree we need to work together and raise our voices.

      Many years ago I had a man partner who used porn – dirty secret – he had a hard time getting off, and wanted me to do “stuff”. Now I know it was porn. You know what I’d tell anyman who suggested that crap to me? “YOU FIRST, buddy”.

      Women may not know their partner uses porn, and they should. Who wants a third party in their intimate life?

  48. Hannah Mayers

    I feel distressed 🙁 Thinking that you received negative tweets for writing an inspirational article… *sigh*

    It’s a worrying stuff because porn addiction is ruining lives and love for girls and boys. Now, I keep on asking myself, is gender equality still possible?!

  49. Helen Dark

    Porn makes the real universe and world boring leaving its viewers dissatisfied and less sensitive to the emotional feelings of everyday. Your post fits perfectly with my focus for this month. Look straight,chin up and keep walking. Thank you, Vikki. You have guided me since I first saw your article. Your morsels of wisdom and practice bob in and out of my life with some adhering like glue.

    xoxo,
    Helen

  50. Oh well, expect that you cannot please everybody when you write about something… From my point of view, your article is very clear and very well-written and I enjoyed reading it. I’m bookmarking this. Sad but true, porn industry destroys…

  51. Another powerful article from you, Vikki! I believe that porn addiction is the biggest factor in arising number of rapes and women mistreated in unbelievable ways 🙁

  52. I’m AGAINST the porn industry. I feel you, I also get negative and positive reactions whenever I express my dislike on certain things. You are an inspiring author! Please continue writing great articles like this…

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