What Kind of Soulmate Should You Be Looking For? - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


What Kind of Soulmate Should You Be Looking For?

Why the soul mate you really need may not be the soul mate you’re searching for…


The last time I went out with a friend, we spent most of the night commiserating about our love lives (or, rather, the lack thereof), and the rest complaining about our mutual friend who’d all but gone MIA after meeting her latest “might be the one” boyfriend. We’d tried going to a party, but found that we’d rather spend it sitting together than socializing with other people.

What Kind of Soulmate Should You Be Looking For?

The search for love is everywhere. In our books, movies, TV shows, and in the way we talk to each other. It’s clear that romance is on our collective minds. Many of us prioritize finding love over pretty much every other aspect of our lives. Everyone searching for their soulmate wants to find that special someone so they can skip ahead to their ‘Happily Ever After’.

But why do we limit that to romance? Love, trust, great memories—they don’t have to be restricted to the sphere of romantic relationships. In this culture-split between hookups and finding love, we’ve forgotten about our friends. And yet close friendships are absolutely integral to our happiness. As we search for our soulmate, we should also be on the lookout for our friend soulmates.

The ones who can make you laugh at anything and talk you out of crying. The ones who make a supportive comment right when you expect them to take the mickey out of you. The ones who solve your life crises. The ones who know you, who have seen all your flaws and love you for them. I know it sounds nauseatingly cheesy, but are they not your soulmates too?

I met my closest friends in high school and college, and to say they’ve made my life blessed is the understatement of the year. Somewhere between the sleepovers, the excess mango-passion-fruit smoothies, and our unending enthusiasm for the same movies and books, they became my best friends and I love them more than anyone.

We’ve become so distracted by the complications of romance love that we’ve forgotten about the beauty of platonic love.

But the value of friendships is often undermined. We’ve become so distracted by our focus on romance that we’ve forgotten about the beauty of platonic love. We say things like “we’re just friends,” as though friendship was somehow a lesser form of relating to another human being. The last time I broke up with a boyfriend, the first comforting phrase I got was, “At least you have your friends.” But there’s nothing at least about my friends. They are the most beautiful parts of my life.

What Kind of Soulmate Should You Be Looking For?

My close friends and I fulfill each other in ways that I’m learning to acknowledge and appreciate. I now tell my friends that I love them, and I let them know just how much I appreciate them. We bring out the best in each other and enrich each other’s lives. That’s why focusing on your friendships is just as important as finding romance.

Take the time to talk your friends through hard times, revel in your inside jokes and shared passions, support their dreams, and keep in touch despite any distance. If you do, you’ll be rewarded with the kind of soulmate that transcends romance. It’s not the fairytale ending romantic comedies taught us to aspire to. In many ways, it’s better.

Of course, finding love is valuable and worthwhile. But don’t ever let your friends fall by the wayside because of romance. They’re just as important as your significant other. And, if you treat them right, you just might find that you have a true partner for life.

Born in France but raised all over the place, Auriane has wanted to write ever since she was old enough to spell her name. In her spare time she loves reading, hanging out with her best friends (even when they're not in the same time zone), and spontaneous singing with her Broadway-bound roommate.

Reader Discussion: 46 Comments

  1. Caroline Soloviev

    Thanks for the article. My family wants me to get married so I feel a lot of pressure from them, I only have 31 years old and am single for a long time now. I can’t really say that I’m feeling good like that, I wish I could build a good relationship with someone soon. And I don’t really have this feeling you’re talking about with a girl friend. Oh I feel sad now…

  2. Jackie Lewis

    I love this article!!! I literally tell people that my best friend is “the love of my life” and people, especially men, get touchy about it. I never understood why. She is my best friend, has been there for me at every moment, and looking at all my past romantic relationships, I have treasured my friendship with her more than most of them. I think it is so important that we don’t undervalue the friendship between women and how important it can be to people.

  3. Loved this!!! I really feel so much better about being single. As females we sometimes fall into the pressure of society that you must be in a relationship just because that’s what is expected of you, and if your not in a relationship we sometimes feel like we are unattractive and undesired. In my case I really feel like I also intimidate guys for some reason and they are scared to approach me. But I know that perfect guy is waiting for me somewhere and I will happily wait for him. I hope he comes soon though. LOL!!!!!!…

  4. Leslie Williams

    A lot of great and very valid points here! Seriously girls, you don’t need a man by your side to feel validated! Never look for your happiness from someone else, the sooner you realize this… the better all of your future and relationships will be.

  5. Helena Stevens

    This article hits home!! I feel like my life is just beginning. I am about to graduate with my associates. I aiming for a master’s degree. I love being single. I don’t like being controlled. I saw it happen alot growing up and I learned to hate it. Like, if I have to ask you permission to go somewhere, then we’re done. you’re role is to be a partner not a parent. No trust, no love. I hope to find my significant other one day, but until then I enjoy just doing me. My hair is growing, my eyebrow game is getting better, I am loving life right now. 🙂

  6. Irene Morales

    You DON’T need a boyfriend to be happy, I agree. You should be with a guy because you’re in love with them, not because you feel forever alone. I do love my boyfriend, but I’m not dependent on him.

  7. Pamela Sanabria

    Thanks for this… I was just complaining to my friend yesterday how my divorce left me hating all men out there.. and its so sad how bitter and somewhat insecure it made me.. although people see me as an extremly confident person.. the hurt continues..not due to the divorce.. but really due to the horrible relationship I was in.. how blind was I?? Seriously.. 2016 will be my year.. the year where I discover how to love me..because I seriously am on of the most amazing people I know?!! 😉

  8. Winona Miller

    Brilliant post! All I have to say is: You don’t need a boyfriend to feel loved. You don’t need cool clothes to be noticed. You don’t need to impress to feel special. Just remember: you are you and that’s all that matters. ?? 🙂

  9. Sibel Jenkinson

    “Oh, my life is so bountiful, I don’t need a boyfriend to feel fulfilled” – Blair Waldorf ~ Need I say more? 😉

  10. Nancy Musselman

    Great article! Have plenty of friends who need to hear this as I am one of the few who is choosing to focus on herself and life purpose. Happiest I have ever been! 🙂

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