When Your Ex Won't Leave - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


When Your Ex Won’t Leave

One of you wanted commitment, the other didn’t…


It’s Saturday night and instead of being out with my girlfriends, I’m talking my sobbing ex down from the edge or my balcony railing. But he’s the one who cheated and broke my heart, so why won’t he leave?

When Your Ex Won’t Leave

No, this isn’t a movie. Unfortunately, this was my life. So when I say I’ve been there – I mean it. I know how it goes… One of you wanted commitment, the other didn’t. It was long-distance. The timing wasn’t right. Friends didn’t approve. Someone cheated. It was too complicated. For whatever reason, it didn’t work – and yet, your ex is still loitering around. Confused? Don’t be.

The bottom line, regardless of why it ended, is to allow some time after the initial break-up to process things and reflect. As nice as it sounds to stay true to the “let’s-be-friends” fantasy, we all know that it’s not very realistic. Feelings don’t dissipate overnight.

From my extensive knowledge (first-hand experiences of dating too many guys who can’t take a hint), I’ve put together a basic list of what to do when your ex won’t leave:

1. Quit cold turkey.

If the reason the two of you part ways wasn’t primarily because either of you weren’t interested, then completely cutting out or severely limiting the communication you have with him is probably the best way to go. If the break-up isn’t final and you just need time to think things over, make that very clear to him. And before you feel the need to lie about your whereabouts (unless he’s an uber-creep and it’s apparent that he’s a professional stalker), be clear with your ex about where you stand and what you want.

When Your Ex Won’t Leave

2. Social network no more.

If he’s clearly not respecting your boundaries, even after you’ve made it obvious that you need your time and space, do what you think is necessary to get your point across. Change your number, move out of the state (I’m only half-joking), delete him off your buddy list, and block him on Facebook & Twitter.

3. Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk.

This is the most crucial of the tips. Regardless of what you do and say, it will be all for nothing if you can’t stick with the boundaries that you have set for him and yourself. Crossing the lines you yourself drew is only going to encourage him to be persistent and eventually lead him to think that you’re not serious about what you want or need. Breaking your rules and then trying to adhere to them repeatedly will also establish a destructive cycle. Stick to your boundaries!

Listen: the last thing you want to do is break up and find yourself three or four years down the line, unable to shut the door. It will only hold you back from exploring your options and progressing forward. We all know there’s no such thing as an “easy” break-up, if either of the people involved were, in some form, emotionally attached. In the meantime the only guarantee I can make is that it will get better in due time – but only if you want it to. The choice is yours.

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging (InsiderDiva.com) and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

Reader Discussion: 53 Comments

  1. Camilla Collins

    When your Ex won’t leave. Let your current boyfriend deal with it. Or better yet, let the authorities deal with it. A simple restraining order will suffice.

  2. Eloisa Clay

    There’s no easy way to ease the pain that you are feeling after breaking up. Keeping in touch with him despite your desperation to forget him will just cause you trouble. Delete everything about him and start a new life.

  3. George Sumanta

    I will share this article with my friend. She’s in trouble right now. Her ex-boyfriend is bothering her and stalking her. I think she has to read this.

  4. Jeweli Prater

    There are women who forgot the boundaries that they made. It’s difficult for them to deal with their rules, so they end up breaking it.

  5. Evelyn Harris

    I hate guys who don’t respect boundaries. Are you dumb? Like, you don’t know the meaning of stop? Stop acting like you’ve being hurt too because you don’t deserve to be loved.

  6. Luisa Rodriguez

    Why do men don’t understand what women want? If they don’t want you in their lives anymore, respect their decision. Besides, you are the one who cheated, so what’s the point?

  7. Ani Hoker

    I agree. Feelings won’t be gone overnight. Moving on is not as easy as what other people think. You have to endure the pain and accept the fact that you have to live without him.

  8. Katherine Donnelly

    I don’t believe in let’s just be friends. It’s a trap, you know? He will use that friendship to know your whereabouts, and for him to have a chance to talk, and meet up with you. What’s the point of breaking up?

  9. Britni Baynes

    The love won’t fade away in just a couple of days. Even if you don’t want him back in your life, the feelings are still there, alive and kicking. Pushing him away will help you to move on because keeping in touch with him will just worsen the scenario.

  10. Zerin Martin

    I remember my ex-boyfriend who always follows me wherever I go. He even followed me during our family vacation which you will need to get on the plane. I have no idea where he gets the information about me, but then he got tired and left me alone.

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