When Your Ex Won't Leave - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog

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When Your Ex Won’t Leave

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It’s Saturday night and instead of being out with my girlfriends, I’m talking my sobbing ex down from the edge or my balcony railing. But he’s the one who cheated and broke my heart, so why won’t he leave?

No, this isn’t a movie. Unfortunately, this was my life. So when I say I’ve been there – I mean it. I know how it goes… One of you wanted commitment, the other didn’t. It was long-distance. The timing wasn’t right. Friends didn’t approve. Someone cheated. It was too complicated. For whatever reason, it didn’t work – and yet, your ex is still loitering around. Confused? Don’t be.

When Your Ex Won’t LeaveThe bottom line, regardless of why it ended, is to allow some time after the initial break-up to process things and reflect. As nice as it sounds to stay true to the “let’s-be-friends” fantasy, we all know that it’s not very realistic. Feelings don’t dissipate overnight.

From my extensive knowledge (first-hand experiences of dating too many guys who can’t take a hint), I’ve put together a basic list of what to do when your ex won’t leave.

1. Quit cold turkey.

If the reason the two of you part ways wasn’t primarily because either of you weren’t interested, then completely cutting out or severely limiting the communication you have with him is probably the best way to go. If the break-up isn’t final and you just need time to think things over, make that very clear to him. And before you feel the need to lie about your whereabouts (unless he’s an uber-creep and it’s apparent that he’s a professional stalker), be clear with your ex about where you stand and what you want.

2. Social network no more.

If he’s clearly not respecting your boundaries, even after you’ve made it obvious that you need your time and space, do what you think is necessary to get your point across. Change your number, move out of the state (I’m only half-joking), delete him off your buddy list, and block him on Facebook & Twitter.

3. Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk.

When Your Ex Won’t LeaveThis is the most crucial of the tips. Regardless of what you do and say, it will be all for nothing if you can’t stick with the boundaries that you have set for him and yourself. Crossing the lines you yourself drew is only going to encourage him to be persistent and eventually lead him to think that you’re not serious about what you want or need. Breaking your rules and then trying to adhere to them repeatedly will also establish a destructive cycle. Stick to your boundaries!

Listen: the last thing you want to do is break up and find yourself three or four years down the line, unable to shut the door. It will only hold you back from exploring your options and progressing forward. We all know there’s no such thing as an “easy” break-up, if either of the people involved were, in some form, emotionally attached. In the meantime the only guarantee I can make is that it will get better in due time – but only if you want it to. The choice is yours.

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

52 Comments

  1. Eloisa Clay

    There’s no easy way to ease the pain that you are feeling after breaking up. Keeping in touch with him despite your desperation to forget him will just cause you trouble. Delete everything about him and start a new life.

  2. George Sumanta

    I will share this article with my friend. She’s in trouble right now. Her ex-boyfriend is bothering her and stalking her. I think she has to read this.

  3. Jeweli Prater

    There are women who forgot the boundaries that they made. It’s difficult for them to deal with their rules, so they end up breaking it.

  4. Evelyn Harris

    I hate guys who don’t respect boundaries. Are you dumb? Like, you don’t know the meaning of stop? Stop acting like you’ve being hurt too because you don’t deserve to be loved.

  5. Luisa Rodriguez

    Why do men don’t understand what women want? If they don’t want you in their lives anymore, respect their decision. Besides, you are the one who cheated, so what’s the point?

  6. Ani Hoker

    I agree. Feelings won’t be gone overnight. Moving on is not as easy as what other people think. You have to endure the pain and accept the fact that you have to live without him.

  7. Katherine Donnelly

    I don’t believe in let’s just be friends. It’s a trap, you know? He will use that friendship to know your whereabouts, and for him to have a chance to talk, and meet up with you. What’s the point of breaking up?

  8. Britni Baynes

    The love won’t fade away in just a couple of days. Even if you don’t want him back in your life, the feelings are still there, alive and kicking. Pushing him away will help you to move on because keeping in touch with him will just worsen the scenario.

  9. Zerin Martin

    I remember my ex-boyfriend who always follows me wherever I go. He even followed me during our family vacation which you will need to get on the plane. I have no idea where he gets the information about me, but then he got tired and left me alone.

  10. Luthi Sanders

    It’s not easy for us, woman to do these stuff, right? You have to be that strong to do these, especially if you do love the guy. Clear up your mind, and talk him. You must tell him everything in a nice way.

  11. Kseniya Tomlin

    Haha! Leaving the state is a nice move. If you want to move on, and start a new life, moving out is just right. Just don’t give your new address to you ex-boyfriend.

  12. Jessie Fernande

    It is not just about the man who chases him after break up, but it is also about the woman, who still keeps in touch with the man after break up. Boys, are boys, they’ll get tired soon, but if you are giving him hopes, he won’t get tired.

  13. Lana Wiliam

    That hurts. You had the right love, at the wrong time and separating ways is the only solution that you both think what’s the best for you. You still love each other, but you have to set him free because that is for the best.

  14. Lancy Stanford

    I blocked him in all of my social medias! Urgh! He’s freaking annoying!!! I hate everything about him. He doesn’t leave me alone.

  15. Rosetta Armendariz

    Just my opinion, why do women are like that? I know that most of the time, we, men are acting like sh*t, and hurting your feelings, but can’t we be a better person? People change!

  16. Marina Josef

    Yeah, set things up, and don’t hang him with false hopes. Maybe he’s a douchebag for hurting your feelings, but getting revenge is not a good thing.

  17. Marina Bozek

    Push him away. If the reason for your breakup is his fault, push him away. Don’t give him another chance to hurt you.

  18. Jesse Wyss

    Oh cmon. If the woman doesn’t want you in your life, then back off. Don’t bother her. You had your chance, and you blew it away.

  19. Yuliya Bruce

    Set some boundaries between the two of you, and stop giving him false hopes if you have no plan of getting back together. Maybe he’s bothering you because you are giving him hopes that you still have a chance.

  20. Nataliya Smith

    Do girls know how hard is this for us? I know, some of you may think that we are just tripping, and playing with your hearts, but the truth is we aren’t. Try to understand, and don’t compare other relationship to ours.

  21. Angelo Henderso

    I blocked my ex-boyfriend on all of my social medias. He’s a retarded. I don’t know what to do with him. He can’t accept the fact that our book is now over. =(

  22. Juli Woods

    Men are sometimes slow. Even if you give the signal to stop, they wouldn’t. Better talk to them and confront them.

  23. Lusi Martin

    It’s hard to move on, and let go of things that you used to do. Even if you want to let him go, there is a part of you who disagree.

  24. Honey Smith

    If the woman wants some space, give her. Let them miss you. Stop bothering her and give her time to think. After that, you can ask for the result. Don’t expect too much.

  25. Robert Patel

    To all men, if the woman doesn’t want you, stop bothering her. That is what you called respect. Respect her decision, and respect yourself too.

  26. Alena Martin

    I like the idea of leaving the state. That is a bright idea. If you can’t get rid of your ex, you can leave and start a new life without him.

  27. Jurik Smith

    Give him a chance to explain, and tell him that it’s over. If he truly loves you, he will accept your decision.

  28. Selli Coaze

    Tell him that it’s over. If he’s not crazy enough, he will understand your point. Giving him a chance as a friend is not a bad idea too.

  29. Hena Taylor

    Let him suffer. He deserves that. Men like him don’t deserve your love. He’s a douchebag!! I hate men who act like sh*t!

  30. Jessi Agusta

    I agree with #3. Don’t destroy the rules that you set. It can cause some troubles, to your heart.

  31. Anila William

    Let him go. Don’t hang the man between the lines. If you have no plans in getting back together, tell him. Giving him false hopes can cause some trouble.

  32. Nancy Smith

    Hah! That’s what he deserve! Men like him don’t deserve to be loved! They broke a woman’s heart, and expect for a great love in return? That’s Bullshit!

  33. Quin Meri

    Build a wall between the two of you. Leaving the city is a good way to get rid of your ex-boyfriend. I am not kidding.

  34. Paul Daiz

    As a man, I think you should talk to him. Tell him everything that he needs to know. We all have feelings, and you may hurt him if you don’t clear things to him.

  35. Jenifer Jeni

    My ex-boyfriend is acting strange these past few weeks. I think he wants us to get back together, but the thing is.. I found someone better than him. Thank you, for sharing this article with us.

  36. Bela Christo

    Cut off your communications. That is the best way to get rid of your ex-boyfriend.

  37. Cristina Joseff

    I hate it when I read stories like this one. What’s the point of cheating and begging to get back together? What kind of stupidity is that, men?

  38. Maria Bruce

    My ex-boyfriend wants us to get back together. I still love him, but there’s something in me that keeps telling me not to. I don’t know what to do now. 😢

  39. Ana Brose

    He took you for granted before, Why is he like that? I don’t get why men are like that. Cheat on you, then goes back to you.

  40. Jeni Morgan

    Maybe your ex-boyfriend realized your real worth. It’s not bad to give him a second just, but if you don’t feel about giving him a chance, tell it to him.

  41. Lingering exes are annoying! I don't want to be in this situation. I agree with blocking them on social networks! Thta way no one can spy on what the other person is doing. Also a good way to cut ties.

  42. I am in this situation now. I am in limbo between keeping him in my life and moving on. It is nice to know that the feelings do not go away. The reason keeping me hanging on is that this was the best relationship I have ever had. It is the best I have ever been treated. It is the most I have been valued, comforted, and respected in a romantic relationship.Our relationship broke because we both lost faith and didn't have the communication skills to ask for what we needed from each other.I hang on to the fact that so much of it was good, but I need to face the reality that I am probably just be prolonging my heartache.

  43. One of the best ways to communicate when an ex won't leave you alone is by talking to him. Who knows, maybe he just needs to closure, maybe he just needs to see that you are ready to move on. Talking to him can actually be something that will help him get over you and can actually help him leave you alone. Just make it clear that you two aren't together anymore, so he needs to let you go. Alln

  44. Ines Sellami

    I dumped my ex and he was so selfish…. It Got from obsessive Facebook stalking to a bunch of texts that are corny. To where he got All my buds involved! He even started flirting with me and I told him to stop. He wouldn't and then he used HIS BROTHER'S phone to text me. So I had to block him on Facebook . Now he is leaving me

  45. I had a crazy ex who find as many ways to threaten me and make my life horrible in order to get me back. I ignored him completely and even blocked him. Took him a few months for him to realise that I'll never get back to him

  46. Hey, you must have a talk with him, just state that you are already with someone else and that you are happy, he is going to just have to move on !

  47. I broke up with my ex and he wont leave me alone he wanted me back but im already dating someone else. what should i do about my Ex ?

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