Relationships

When Your Ex Won’t Leave

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It’s Saturday night and instead of being out with my girlfriends, I’m talking my sobbing ex down from the edge or my balcony railing. But he’s the one who cheated and broke my heart, so why won’t he leave?

No, this isn’t a movie. Unfortunately, this was my life. So when I say I’ve been there – I mean it. I know how it goes… One of you wanted commitment, the other didn’t. It was long-distance. The timing wasn’t right. Friends didn’t approve. Someone cheated. It was too complicated. For whatever reason, it didn’t work – and yet, your ex is still loitering around. Confused? Don’t be.

When Your Ex Won’t LeaveThe bottom line, regardless of why it ended, is to allow some time after the initial break-up to process things and reflect. As nice as it sounds to stay true to the “let’s-be-friends” fantasy, we all know that it’s not very realistic. Feelings don’t dissipate overnight.

From my extensive knowledge (first-hand experiences of dating too many guys who can’t take a hint), I’ve put together a basic list of what to do when your ex won’t leave.

1. Quit cold turkey.

If the reason the two of you part ways wasn’t primarily because either of you weren’t interested, then completely cutting out or severely limiting the communication you have with him is probably the best way to go. If the break-up isn’t final and you just need time to think things over, make that very clear to him. And before you feel the need to lie about your whereabouts (unless he’s an uber-creep and it’s apparent that he’s a professional stalker), be clear with your ex about where you stand and what you want.

2. Social network no more.

If he’s clearly not respecting your boundaries, even after you’ve made it obvious that you need your time and space, do what you think is necessary to get your point across. Change your number, move out of the state (I’m only half-joking), delete him off your buddy list, and block him on Facebook & Twitter.

3. Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk.

When Your Ex Won’t LeaveThis is the most crucial of the tips. Regardless of what you do and say, it will be all for nothing if you can’t stick with the boundaries that you have set for him and yourself. Crossing the lines you yourself drew is only going to encourage him to be persistent and eventually lead him to think that you’re not serious about what you want or need. Breaking your rules and then trying to adhere to them repeatedly will also establish a destructive cycle. Stick to your boundaries!

Listen: the last thing you want to do is break up and find yourself three or four years down the line, unable to shut the door. It will only hold you back from exploring your options and progressing forward. We all know there’s no such thing as an “easy” break-up, if either of the people involved were, in some form, emotionally attached. In the meantime the only guarantee I can make is that it will get better in due time – but only if you want it to. The choice is yours.

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

12 Comments

  1. Lingering exes are annoying! I don't want to be in this situation. I agree with blocking them on social networks! Thta way no one can spy on what the other person is doing. Also a good way to cut ties.

  2. I am in this situation now. I am in limbo between keeping him in my life and moving on. It is nice to know that the feelings do not go away. The reason keeping me hanging on is that this was the best relationship I have ever had. It is the best I have ever been treated. It is the most I have been valued, comforted, and respected in a romantic relationship.Our relationship broke because we both lost faith and didn't have the communication skills to ask for what we needed from each other.I hang on to the fact that so much of it was good, but I need to face the reality that I am probably just be prolonging my heartache.

  3. One of the best ways to communicate when an ex won't leave you alone is by talking to him. Who knows, maybe he just needs to closure, maybe he just needs to see that you are ready to move on. Talking to him can actually be something that will help him get over you and can actually help him leave you alone. Just make it clear that you two aren't together anymore, so he needs to let you go. Alln

  4. Ines Sellami

    I dumped my ex and he was so selfish…. It Got from obsessive Facebook stalking to a bunch of texts that are corny. To where he got All my buds involved! He even started flirting with me and I told him to stop. He wouldn't and then he used HIS BROTHER'S phone to text me. So I had to block him on Facebook . Now he is leaving me

  5. I had a crazy ex who find as many ways to threaten me and make my life horrible in order to get me back. I ignored him completely and even blocked him. Took him a few months for him to realise that I'll never get back to him

  6. Hey, you must have a talk with him, just state that you are already with someone else and that you are happy, he is going to just have to move on !

  7. I broke up with my ex and he wont leave me alone he wanted me back but im already dating someone else. what should i do about my Ex ?

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