The last time I visited my sister in San Francisco, we were happily strolling about the city, admiring the graffiti and considering getting matching tattoos, when a guy that looked about our age approached us. We stopped to acknowledge him and he said, “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say that you both are very beautiful. Have a great day!”
I felt myself blush a little, and told my sister what a breath of fresh air that compliment was compared to how strangers usually speak to me on the street in New York. We thanked the polite young gentleman and carried on with an extra spring in our steps.
That’s not to say that all the men in New York are pigs, or that all the men in San Francisco are perfect, but after this friendly little occurrence I couldn’t help but remember the time when I was sixteen, walking alone in my hometown on Long Island, wearing a worn-in Radiohead t-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants in broad daylight (definitely not “asking for it,” a phrase that is scary and gross in itself) when two older men on the street decided to openly — and loudly! — discuss parts of my body as I passed.
One of them was perplexed when I quickly moved over to the other side of the street. “Aww, ya scared her!” his friend told him, jokingly jabbing him with his elbow while I hurried home hiding tears. Yeah, he did scare me. Not only did he scare me, but also he objectified me and made me feel ashamed of my body. I felt far from flattered.
A few years later, I feel angry. I’m frustrated thinking about how many other sixteen-year-old girls (and women of all ages) are made to feel like their bodies are something to be gawked at and commented on rather than respected. When will we learn the difference between appreciating beauty and sexual harassment?
“Aww, ya scared her!” his friend told him, jokingly jabbing him with his elbow while I hurried home hiding tears. Yeah, he did scare me.
From the time that we begin the transition from girl to woman, we’re bombarded with the opinions of others. We become scrutinized based on our physical appearance, and it can be frightening, upsetting, and confusing. During the times when our bodies are changing, having it up for public discussion on a daily basis can make the adjustment even more difficult, and the realization that this sort of objectification continues into adulthood is frankly depressing.
Most men might not understand the weight that their stares and comments can have, because most of them probably haven’t been on the other side in this type of situation. Some might feel that they’re giving us a compliment. In some cases, they are; it’s nice to feel attractive! But it isn’t nice to feel intimidated, like you’re in some kind of danger, or that you’re being picked apart based on your appearance, and there can be some serious gray areas there.
Word choice and body language make a huge difference — just look at the two situations I mentioned before. In a society where men are given the power to make important decisions about women and their bodies (i.e.: birth control, abortion, etc.) it’s easy to see how this entitlement can trickle down to male passersby on the street. It’s clearly time that we educate our men and empower our women, and the movement has already begun.
Women (and men, particularly in the LGBT community) all over the world are fed up. They’re sick of being objectified, they’re tired of being harassed, and they’re standing together to make a change. They’re ready to fight back and to raise their voices loud enough so that they can be heard over the creepy catcalls plaguing our streets today.
There have been several campaigns and social experiments that chronicle the public backlash against gender-based street harassment over the past few years. Stop Street Harassment is a non-profit organization that’s made great strides when it comes to educating about and preventing street harassment and other related issues. This powerful group not only has an informative website where anyone interested can go to learn about what street harassment is and why it needs to stop, but they’ve also been getting out there and informing the public — which is what really can make a difference.
It’s clearly time that we educate our men and empower our women, and the movement has already begun.
The Stop Street Harassment site’s wealth of information includes summaries of many both informal and formal, academic studies that have been performed on the topic since the ‘80s. The results of these various studies overwhelmingly conclude that a vast majority of women have experienced some form of street harassment in their lives, and are representative of women that live in all different types of areas (this doesn’t only happen on city streets!), and women that were subjected to behaviors that ranged from simple catcalls and whistles to flashing and molestation by strangers.
The studies not only accounted for numbers of these instances occurring, but also took note of how women felt about their experiences. Sadly, in many cases after women were harassed they put the blame on themselves, and felt that changing their own behavior could prevent this sort of treatment in the future.
As I grow older I realize that being a woman means there are certain things that I will have to endure.
A more in-depth view of women’s personal opinions about catcalling and street harassment can be found through a writing project called Catcalled NYC. The project consists of blog entries from a group of participants of all different sexual orientations, races, and ages and allowed them to share their daily experiences with street harassment.
These no holds barred accounts are a real eye opener for anyone that needs some education on the topic of street harassment, or that’s looking for some support and community regarding the issue. Their stories are honest, heartbreaking, and even funny. A lot of the ladies from the group of participants weren’t shy about catcalling back at their harassers or trying to inform them about their disrespect, and some described how they liked some of the attention they received.
Catcalled NYC poignantly highlights the complexity of this issue and gives a voice to a variety of women and their experiences in a way that’s relatable. It also opens up the dialogue to readers and allows them to respond to the participants’ stories. This sort of open conversation is exactly what’s needed in order to create awareness and to provide support.
Trying to wrap up this topic in a tight little package is difficult. There are a lot of questions that remain unanswered and issues that remain unresolved. As I grow older I realize that being a woman means there are certain things that I will have to endure.
It’s impossible to change the behavior and thoughts of every man on the street and to eliminate overall disrespect and rudeness. But, it’s okay to put in the effort to feel pretty. It’s okay to wear whatever you feel comfortable and happy in. It’s also okay to feel upset and angry when you’re subjected to unwanted comments and looks.
The most we can hope for is that we can educate future generations about the importance of respect and the difference between harassment and the appreciation of beauty. And through it all we can rest assured that our sense of community as women makes us strong and is always there for us.
I am tired of my sister and my girlfriend being catcalled on the streets. There are times that I’m guilty of not intervening of catcalling instances, but it’s mainly because I also feel that it’s not safe to be not minding my own business in a dark street corner.
You said it yourself, there are women out there who do like being catcalled and it affects the rest of the women. Men think that 1 out of 100 women is worth catcalling just because 1 actually liked it.
For some, catcalling can make men feel powerful. They’re delighted by the discomfort that we feel. It’s sick.
I saw this over the internet: “One of the reasons men catcall is due to the lack of this protein in their brains, and they simply do not have the capacity to interact with women past hollering and shouting obscenities.” This is funny and infuriating all at the same time. Now, men will assume that they really do lack this protein so that they have the excuse to catcall women on the streets. Now that there’s a scientific basis, the more they will be compelled to reason out that they can’t help it.
I’ve never seen a woman say anything like this after being catcalled, “Oh, so you like my ass? Great! Thank you! Here’s my number!” So what’s the point? I swear 101% of women think it’s a horrible thing to do.
If men are polite about these ‘compliments’ that they’re giving, maybe women wouldn’t think of them as creepy men who just want to get in their pants. But the problem is, sometimes, catcalling isn’t really meant for complimenting anyway. I think normal people would politely compliment someone if they’re rightfully interested in them. Catcalling has always been a form of harassment. Saying that it’s not harmful isn’t right either. It can affect someone’s feelings differently.
For us dudes, it’s fun. It’s provocative. It gets people going. It just gets everyone all hype when we’re together with friends. Also, it does work occasionally. We need to be rejected as men and get used to it. It builds character.
For me, I always assume that I’ll get raped at some point. So if anyone catcalls me or harasses me, I immediately assume that the person who does that would be my rapist. It scares the hell out of me.
I’ve learned to try not to walk the streets alone at night. I make sure that I call my boyfriend to fetch me from work so that we can go home together. He understands why I do that and he has never missed a day in fetching me. But the problem doesn’t end there. Women out there still experience this even if I try to escape it.
Sexual harassment happens all the time but not all of us recognize it. When a co-worker of the opposite sex says something about how you look and makes a big deal out of it– says something about how your ass looks good in those pants, will you laugh about it, brush it off or say “REALLY??” in a very excited manner? Sometimes, men make it seem like it’s a compliment even though it’s not. That’s where it all becomes harmful. Men make it sound like a joke or a compliment and women are too quick to assume that it really is.
Actually, when you’re in a work place, it’s really hard to deflect something like this. I can’t imagine how it would work for that woman if she got angry at her co-worker’s comment and her co-worker starts spreading rumors about how she’s rude.