The last time I visited my sister in San Francisco, we were happily strolling about the city, admiring the graffiti and considering getting matching tattoos, when a guy that looked about our age approached us. We stopped to acknowledge him and he said, “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say that you both are very beautiful. Have a great day!”
I felt myself blush a little, and told my sister what a breath of fresh air that compliment was compared to how strangers usually speak to me on the street in New York. We thanked the polite young gentleman and carried on with an extra spring in our steps.
That’s not to say that all the men in New York are pigs, or that all the men in San Francisco are perfect, but after this friendly little occurrence I couldn’t help but remember the time when I was sixteen, walking alone in my hometown on Long Island, wearing a worn-in Radiohead t-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants in broad daylight (definitely not “asking for it,” a phrase that is scary and gross in itself) when two older men on the street decided to openly — and loudly! — discuss parts of my body as I passed.
One of them was perplexed when I quickly moved over to the other side of the street. “Aww, ya scared her!” his friend told him, jokingly jabbing him with his elbow while I hurried home hiding tears. Yeah, he did scare me. Not only did he scare me, but also he objectified me and made me feel ashamed of my body. I felt far from flattered.
A few years later, I feel angry. I’m frustrated thinking about how many other sixteen-year-old girls (and women of all ages) are made to feel like their bodies are something to be gawked at and commented on rather than respected. When will we learn the difference between appreciating beauty and sexual harassment?
“Aww, ya scared her!” his friend told him, jokingly jabbing him with his elbow while I hurried home hiding tears. Yeah, he did scare me.
From the time that we begin the transition from girl to woman, we’re bombarded with the opinions of others. We become scrutinized based on our physical appearance, and it can be frightening, upsetting, and confusing. During the times when our bodies are changing, having it up for public discussion on a daily basis can make the adjustment even more difficult, and the realization that this sort of objectification continues into adulthood is frankly depressing.
Most men might not understand the weight that their stares and comments can have, because most of them probably haven’t been on the other side in this type of situation. Some might feel that they’re giving us a compliment. In some cases, they are; it’s nice to feel attractive! But it isn’t nice to feel intimidated, like you’re in some kind of danger, or that you’re being picked apart based on your appearance, and there can be some serious gray areas there.
Word choice and body language make a huge difference — just look at the two situations I mentioned before. In a society where men are given the power to make important decisions about women and their bodies (i.e.: birth control, abortion, etc.) it’s easy to see how this entitlement can trickle down to male passersby on the street. It’s clearly time that we educate our men and empower our women, and the movement has already begun.
Women (and men, particularly in the LGBT community) all over the world are fed up. They’re sick of being objectified, they’re tired of being harassed, and they’re standing together to make a change. They’re ready to fight back and to raise their voices loud enough so that they can be heard over the creepy catcalls plaguing our streets today.
There have been several campaigns and social experiments that chronicle the public backlash against gender-based street harassment over the past few years. Stop Street Harassment is a non-profit organization that’s made great strides when it comes to educating about and preventing street harassment and other related issues. This powerful group not only has an informative website where anyone interested can go to learn about what street harassment is and why it needs to stop, but they’ve also been getting out there and informing the public — which is what really can make a difference.
It’s clearly time that we educate our men and empower our women, and the movement has already begun.
The Stop Street Harassment site’s wealth of information includes summaries of many both informal and formal, academic studies that have been performed on the topic since the ‘80s. The results of these various studies overwhelmingly conclude that a vast majority of women have experienced some form of street harassment in their lives, and are representative of women that live in all different types of areas (this doesn’t only happen on city streets!), and women that were subjected to behaviors that ranged from simple catcalls and whistles to flashing and molestation by strangers.
The studies not only accounted for numbers of these instances occurring, but also took note of how women felt about their experiences. Sadly, in many cases after women were harassed they put the blame on themselves, and felt that changing their own behavior could prevent this sort of treatment in the future.
As I grow older I realize that being a woman means there are certain things that I will have to endure.
A more in-depth view of women’s personal opinions about catcalling and street harassment can be found through a writing project called Catcalled NYC. The project consists of blog entries from a group of participants of all different sexual orientations, races, and ages and allowed them to share their daily experiences with street harassment.
These no holds barred accounts are a real eye opener for anyone that needs some education on the topic of street harassment, or that’s looking for some support and community regarding the issue. Their stories are honest, heartbreaking, and even funny. A lot of the ladies from the group of participants weren’t shy about catcalling back at their harassers or trying to inform them about their disrespect, and some described how they liked some of the attention they received.
Catcalled NYC poignantly highlights the complexity of this issue and gives a voice to a variety of women and their experiences in a way that’s relatable. It also opens up the dialogue to readers and allows them to respond to the participants’ stories. This sort of open conversation is exactly what’s needed in order to create awareness and to provide support.
Trying to wrap up this topic in a tight little package is difficult. There are a lot of questions that remain unanswered and issues that remain unresolved. As I grow older I realize that being a woman means there are certain things that I will have to endure.
It’s impossible to change the behavior and thoughts of every man on the street and to eliminate overall disrespect and rudeness. But, it’s okay to put in the effort to feel pretty. It’s okay to wear whatever you feel comfortable and happy in. It’s also okay to feel upset and angry when you’re subjected to unwanted comments and looks.
The most we can hope for is that we can educate future generations about the importance of respect and the difference between harassment and the appreciation of beauty. And through it all we can rest assured that our sense of community as women makes us strong and is always there for us.
Its disgusting. The people who do it have no respect or decency. If you respond in anyway, they become dangerous, they will threaten you and sometimes even follow. I’ve had people nearly run me off the road in my car and on my motorcycle.
I get this sinking feeling in my stomach every time it happens. I don’t really know if it’s fear or just absolute disappointment, but it’s a really terrible feeling. The rest of the day I think about what I could have said or how I should have reacted to show this person that what they do is not okay, but in reality I don’t think there is much I could do. If they don’t respect me enough to not yell randomly at me, they definitely won’t respect anything I say to them to try to get them to stop. So instead I am just stuck with this disgusting feeling.
I am a man, and I can’t even begin to imagine how terrifying that must be. I really would like to have hope that some day, people will stop doing stuff like this, but nothing I’ve seen reassures me at all. The only time I’ve ever even seen something like this it turned out to be a boyfriend and girlfriend being playful at a bar, and it was fairly obvious what was going on but some white knights still got involved. Seriously, I’m sorry you have to deal with these a**holes.
Sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other. Sometimes it feels like those tv scenes where the character is walking down a row of prison cells and the inmates are yelling all of those graphic, violent, sexual things. Minus the guards, bars, and anything else that would make you feel even moderately safe.
Not a woman, but I do have long hair and can look like a girl from behind. I was walking down the street and I heard someone calling “Hey sexy baby!” to me, and then I turned around and he saw my beard and he just kinda noped out instantly. All in all, I would rate the experience a solid 5/10, it was weird as shit.
It can be pretty scary because you don’t know what the guy’s gonna do. I’ve had catcallers start following me when I fail to respond to them. In general my female friends and I were taught not to respond out of fear the catcaller will become violent and do something much worse.
It can either be annoying or terrifying. What I hate is when men yell things at you from their cars. I usually don’t know what they’re saying but I don’t care to know. They go by so fast it just sounds like someone screaming at you as you walk to your car by yourself. It makes an ordinary situation into a fight-or-flight situation and it usually takes a while for me to calm down.
This so much. I was explaining to my husband that, as a man, he very rarely feels unsafe being out in the world. As a female, I never feel safe. Recently, we had a strange man come to our door late at night. He had a story that he needed us to give him $50 for a tow. We speculated that he was scamming and turned him away after we offered him a ride to the gas station and he turned it down, saying he just needed the money. That situation was fairly harmless with my husband present, but would have been TERRIFYING for me alone with the kids. I likely wouldn’t have even opened the door for him. It’s a totally different experience being a woman.
I tend to dress in fairly baggy clothes and I was at work one particular day as a chef in a kitchen so no makeup. I was walking home past another pub around 11pm, with earphones in but no music, and some guy decided to tell me I was a “fat c*nt”. I ignored and carried on walking to be told I was also the ugliest person he’d ever seen and called a fat c*nt again. That hurt a lot. Not the same as catcalling but sometimes if someone wants to be a d*ck, ignoring doesn’t help and they will still say what they want to say.
It is the same in an important way, because the man involved is trying to exert his power over the woman. It’s all about power and dominance.
I live near a halfway sort of house that has very marginal men living there. I hate working in the front yard because of them. I don’t want to interact with them. Every time one says anything I wonder what to do. If I ignore them will they say the reason they raped and killed me was because I was a hostile bitch? If I say hello will they say they raped and killed me because I was friendly and wanted it? I like to wear headphones and pretend I did not hear them. Even so I’ve had ones refuse to leave, peek in the windows and leave love notes and (from my garden) flowers on the door step. It scares me to death. I spend very little time in the front yard, deactivated my doorbell and never answer the door. If my friends want to see me they call and say they are outside.