The last time I visited my sister in San Francisco, we were happily strolling about the city, admiring the graffiti and considering getting matching tattoos, when a guy that looked about our age approached us. We stopped to acknowledge him and he said, “Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say that you both are very beautiful. Have a great day!”
I felt myself blush a little, and told my sister what a breath of fresh air that compliment was compared to how strangers usually speak to me on the street in New York. We thanked the polite young gentleman and carried on with an extra spring in our steps.
That’s not to say that all the men in New York are pigs, or that all the men in San Francisco are perfect, but after this friendly little occurrence I couldn’t help but remember the time when I was sixteen, walking alone in my hometown on Long Island, wearing a worn-in Radiohead t-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants in broad daylight (definitely not “asking for it,” a phrase that is scary and gross in itself) when two older men on the street decided to openly — and loudly! — discuss parts of my body as I passed.
One of them was perplexed when I quickly moved over to the other side of the street. “Aww, ya scared her!” his friend told him, jokingly jabbing him with his elbow while I hurried home hiding tears. Yeah, he did scare me. Not only did he scare me, but also he objectified me and made me feel ashamed of my body. I felt far from flattered.
A few years later, I feel angry. I’m frustrated thinking about how many other sixteen-year-old girls (and women of all ages) are made to feel like their bodies are something to be gawked at and commented on rather than respected. When will we learn the difference between appreciating beauty and sexual harassment?
“Aww, ya scared her!” his friend told him, jokingly jabbing him with his elbow while I hurried home hiding tears. Yeah, he did scare me.
From the time that we begin the transition from girl to woman, we’re bombarded with the opinions of others. We become scrutinized based on our physical appearance, and it can be frightening, upsetting, and confusing. During the times when our bodies are changing, having it up for public discussion on a daily basis can make the adjustment even more difficult, and the realization that this sort of objectification continues into adulthood is frankly depressing.
Most men might not understand the weight that their stares and comments can have, because most of them probably haven’t been on the other side in this type of situation. Some might feel that they’re giving us a compliment. In some cases, they are; it’s nice to feel attractive! But it isn’t nice to feel intimidated, like you’re in some kind of danger, or that you’re being picked apart based on your appearance, and there can be some serious gray areas there.
Word choice and body language make a huge difference — just look at the two situations I mentioned before. In a society where men are given the power to make important decisions about women and their bodies (i.e.: birth control, abortion, etc.) it’s easy to see how this entitlement can trickle down to male passersby on the street. It’s clearly time that we educate our men and empower our women, and the movement has already begun.
Women (and men, particularly in the LGBT community) all over the world are fed up. They’re sick of being objectified, they’re tired of being harassed, and they’re standing together to make a change. They’re ready to fight back and to raise their voices loud enough so that they can be heard over the creepy catcalls plaguing our streets today.
There have been several campaigns and social experiments that chronicle the public backlash against gender-based street harassment over the past few years. Stop Street Harassment is a non-profit organization that’s made great strides when it comes to educating about and preventing street harassment and other related issues. This powerful group not only has an informative website where anyone interested can go to learn about what street harassment is and why it needs to stop, but they’ve also been getting out there and informing the public — which is what really can make a difference.
It’s clearly time that we educate our men and empower our women, and the movement has already begun.
The Stop Street Harassment site’s wealth of information includes summaries of many both informal and formal, academic studies that have been performed on the topic since the ‘80s. The results of these various studies overwhelmingly conclude that a vast majority of women have experienced some form of street harassment in their lives, and are representative of women that live in all different types of areas (this doesn’t only happen on city streets!), and women that were subjected to behaviors that ranged from simple catcalls and whistles to flashing and molestation by strangers.
The studies not only accounted for numbers of these instances occurring, but also took note of how women felt about their experiences. Sadly, in many cases after women were harassed they put the blame on themselves, and felt that changing their own behavior could prevent this sort of treatment in the future.
As I grow older I realize that being a woman means there are certain things that I will have to endure.
A more in-depth view of women’s personal opinions about catcalling and street harassment can be found through a writing project called Catcalled NYC. The project consists of blog entries from a group of participants of all different sexual orientations, races, and ages and allowed them to share their daily experiences with street harassment.
These no holds barred accounts are a real eye opener for anyone that needs some education on the topic of street harassment, or that’s looking for some support and community regarding the issue. Their stories are honest, heartbreaking, and even funny. A lot of the ladies from the group of participants weren’t shy about catcalling back at their harassers or trying to inform them about their disrespect, and some described how they liked some of the attention they received.
Catcalled NYC poignantly highlights the complexity of this issue and gives a voice to a variety of women and their experiences in a way that’s relatable. It also opens up the dialogue to readers and allows them to respond to the participants’ stories. This sort of open conversation is exactly what’s needed in order to create awareness and to provide support.
Trying to wrap up this topic in a tight little package is difficult. There are a lot of questions that remain unanswered and issues that remain unresolved. As I grow older I realize that being a woman means there are certain things that I will have to endure.
It’s impossible to change the behavior and thoughts of every man on the street and to eliminate overall disrespect and rudeness. But, it’s okay to put in the effort to feel pretty. It’s okay to wear whatever you feel comfortable and happy in. It’s also okay to feel upset and angry when you’re subjected to unwanted comments and looks.
The most we can hope for is that we can educate future generations about the importance of respect and the difference between harassment and the appreciation of beauty. And through it all we can rest assured that our sense of community as women makes us strong and is always there for us.
I have a 4th grader daughter that I always teach about the do’s and don’ts of how men **or other people** should treat/speak/touch her. There are times that she would tell me stories about her girl classmates being taught the same thing and that she feels that it’s good that she wasn’t the only one being taught about things like that. However, I do notice that most of the time she gets offended by her boy classmates because they’re doing things that she finds offensive and wrong. She says that most of the boys in her class are disrespectful to girls and my daughter asks me if they were even taught how to respect and value girls. At an early age, parents help in shaping the belief of their children. If you teach them to respect girls, they will know how to respect girls. If you don’t teach them to respect girls, they wouldn’t know how to. It’s not a trait that children just pick up randomly. It’s the parent’s or the guardian’s job to instill good morals on their children. Or else, they will grow up being the monster that we all fear.
That is alarming. I have a 7yo cousin that talks about women should be treated like princesses and I like that thought. Sure, not all of us want to be princesses but I appreciate that he knows that women should be treated with respect. Children at a young age should already be taught how to act right.
I can’t even count with all of my fingers how many times I’ve been catcalled. It’s a plague!!!! ?
There’s no harm in dressing up properly so you don’t attract negative attention, but that’s not the point here. Women in all shapes and sizes, in different length and amount of clothing can be catcalled. In the society that we live in, it’s better to protect yourself than be sorry. The article said it too, it’s nearly impossible to put a stop to this. Women don’t have much of a choice but to be protective of themselves so that they don’t get caught in issues like this with men.
If I was a teenager, I would probably be flattered if someone my age called me pretty. But if it was someone who was older, I’d be scared. It’s true that the more I matured, the more I feared men and their actions towards us.
I think that being a morally upright and being an educated person can be some of the factors that can affect the reason why men catcall. I’ve never really seen a decent businessman or anyone who has a degree catcall women on the streets. I’ve also haven’t seen or heard men who are properly guided by their parents or those who are raised to be morally good doing some catcalling either. If I was told at an early age to do what is right and to avoid doing what is considered wrong, it will shape me as the person that I am right now. I think those men just weren’t taught to not do these things because it can be disrespectful to women.
I honestly didn’t want to believe that being educated shouldn’t be a basis of this, but you have a point.?
I don’t even know what animalistic nature comes out of men when they think that women who say no or those who are obviously not interested is a challenge.? Like, seriously… Hop off!
It’s so easy for men’s opinion about “SHE ASKED FOR IT” to be swayed by their own perception. I’ve seen a lot of issues wherein men thought they were right when in fact it was the other way around. I remember this very long Twitter trend about a guy who raped a girl and he said she wanted it because she got wet. Well, men should equip themselves with better facts so they don’t end up raping or disrespecting women and their boundaries. Men’s reasons can be idiotic 95% of the time when it comes to this “SHE ASKED FOR IT” shit.
Sorry if this offends a lot of men, but they see the world in black and white and it becomes an issue. Most of them understand only their point of view and would even disregard other people’s (women’s) feelings just because they think it’s not valid for them. If a man doesn’t see an issue in the same way, they immediately close their eyes and ears to that issue. They disregard the fact that what they’re doing is disrespectful or if it exceeds the boundaries of another individual.
I bet that men would argue that catcalling is harmless. They’d say that catcalling is better than raping because words are just words and actions are worse. But seriously, they’re both wrong and there shouldn’t even be any argument about it. It’s wrong, period.
Most of the time, the issue here is that men don’t seem to understand what can be offensive for us women. An example of this is raising their voices to women, whether it’s their partner or to anyone in general. Some women find it really scary and it can even give them panic attacks because it might have triggered them to remember unwanted past experiences. There was an interview that was conducted that men didn’t even know that they made women felt uncomfortable just by raising their voices. Men tend to have bigger, louder, and domineering voices compared to women. They feel like it’s natural for them to accentuate a point with their booming voices. However, the point comes across completely different for women. It can be scary and intimidating. It’s almost the same as catcalling. Since they’ve never really been catcalled by people on the streets making them feel helpless, threatened and intimidated– it’s an unfamiliar feeling to men. It can even come across as normal for some men especially if they’ve participated in catcalling at some point. That’s when the real problem occurs.