The first time someone called me a bitch was at a middle school ballet camp, a hotbed for divas and drama. I asked a girl if she could move down a bit to make room at the barre, and voila! I went from unassuming middle-schooler to bitch extraordinaire.
I hear the word bitch every day. It’s ingrained in our language, and we toss it at women all the time. We use it to describe women who don’t respond to catcalling, bosses who assign their employees to a hard task, or girls who turn down a date. What do these so-called “bitches” have in common? They all dared to assert themselves and stand up for their basic rights.
We use bitch to put down strong, assertive women. It’s the word we use when a woman steps out of the traditional feminine sphere. Men use it when women threaten the professional and social power they’ve monopolized for so long. Women use it against each other as well. It’s time to stop.
Like too many other insults, we direct bitch pretty much exclusively towards women. This presents a problem with the way our language makes us think about girls. It goes way back, too: bitch was first used in the 1400s. If there’s one thing I don’t want to have in common with Europe in the Middle Ages, it’s their views on women. And it’s not just the word bitch that we use to put women down. Slut shames women for their ability to say yes. Friendzone, uptight and frigid guilts women for their right to “no.” Bitch comes in when a woman tries to defend herself against these sexist standards and assert herself as an individual.
The word gives female assertiveness negative connotations. It perpetuates the myth that women always have to be nice, which prevents a lot of women from asserting themselves. Men who assert themselves in the workplace get promoted. Women who try to do the same get called a bitch behind their backs. Our language makes many women feel like they need to put everyone’s needs before their own to avoid the unholy title of Bitch. But bending over backwards to please everyone before yourself comes at the cost of your personal goals.
Some feminists have tried to re-appropriate the term. The founders of Bitch Magazine, for example, believe that the word should have positive meaning. It’s a step in the right direction, but society as a whole still views assertive women as bitchy in a bad way. To achieve any real progress, we need to start viewing assertive women as empowered, instead calling them unkind and bitchy.
The movement to reevaluate our view of assertive women has to start with us. Women are taught to be competitive with each other, starting with Disney. So, sadly, we don’t often help each other out in the workplace; but it’s time that changed.
Encourage other women to be assertive, and work to be more assertive yourself. Instead of tossing out the b-word when one of your coworkers asserts herself, respect her ability to go after her goals. Better yet–learn to do the same. Combining both these factors is the only way we’ll ever be able to affect any real change in women’s workplace experiences.
In a world where men continue to dominate most fields (especially the influential ones, like media, entertainment, tech, politics, and advertising), our language works against successful women. Girls grow up associating assertiveness with bitchiness, and try to act nicer. And while everyone should strive to be nice to others, we need to remind girls that it’s possible to be kind and assertive at once. It’s possible to be nice to others and still stand up for yourself, or go after your goals. Anyone who tries to call you a bitch for that is just wrong.
How do you respond to negative language against women? Sound off in the comments!
I think we need to educate our children about this one and how it might affect their relationship with others around them. They are the ones who are predisposed to use those words because of what they here from adults, especially from what they hear or read from social media. They need to understand the meaning and context of such words.
Nowadays, you’re no longer required as a mother to raise a princess. We’re supposed to be raising warriors now because the world is a harsh one and we can no longer afford to raise daughters that are not strong willed. This has become an issue for me because I was so focused on raising a daughter that had a good heart. I forgot to balance it out with a strong mind that can help her pick up the pieces when someone drops her and breaks her heart.
I really agree to this. I also saw one video wherein this dad was raising her daughter like a queen, but basically means that they were doing this pretend thing about ruling kingdoms. He’s raising a leader, whilst letting the idea of being a princess/queen be seen in a positive way.
Friendzoning is really an annoying thing. It’s like we’re not allowed to reject men we don’t like?!
Just be yourself! No matter how somebody calls us, as long as we are doing what is right for ourselves and for others, we don’t have to give a shit to what they use to describe us. They simply can’t accept the way we handle ourselves.
Bitch isn’t even the worst thing that people can call women. I think being a slut is worse. ?
The media has much to do to increase the popularity of such words and how we use them. It’s just like how the black community accepts the n-word to refer to themselves. It might not be later when we also add words to our vocabulary that are once degrading.
Harsh words resonate in our souls more than physical pain. I think a slap on the face would feel better than be called names that you know doesn’t even suit you or aren’t even an accurate description of who you are.
Another thing is when women are told that we’re probably on our periods whenever we act out. It’s like we’re being shamed for how our body should normally function. We shame women too much even when it’s not even necessary, which is pretty degrading. Even the stretchmarks we have in our bodies sometimes make people assume that we’ve given birth and it’s literally like a sin that our bodies are destroyed due to giving birth. I hate how shallow the world can be.
This really is a thing! Unbelievable!
I have a co-worker that compensates her lack of ability by making undesirable comments about other female colleagues who excel in the job. I think the likes of her deserves to be called a ‘bitch’ in it’s most degrading sense.
Wow, I feel like everything in this blog is all about hating us men!