The first time someone called me a bitch was at a middle school ballet camp, a hotbed for divas and drama. I asked a girl if she could move down a bit to make room at the barre, and voila! I went from unassuming middle-schooler to bitch extraordinaire.
I hear the word bitch every day. It’s ingrained in our language, and we toss it at women all the time. We use it to describe women who don’t respond to catcalling, bosses who assign their employees to a hard task, or girls who turn down a date. What do these so-called “bitches” have in common? They all dared to assert themselves and stand up for their basic rights.
We use bitch to put down strong, assertive women. It’s the word we use when a woman steps out of the traditional feminine sphere. Men use it when women threaten the professional and social power they’ve monopolized for so long. Women use it against each other as well. It’s time to stop.
Like too many other insults, we direct bitch pretty much exclusively towards women. This presents a problem with the way our language makes us think about girls. It goes way back, too: bitch was first used in the 1400s. If there’s one thing I don’t want to have in common with Europe in the Middle Ages, it’s their views on women. And it’s not just the word bitch that we use to put women down. Slut shames women for their ability to say yes. Friendzone, uptight and frigid guilts women for their right to “no.” Bitch comes in when a woman tries to defend herself against these sexist standards and assert herself as an individual.
The word gives female assertiveness negative connotations. It perpetuates the myth that women always have to be nice, which prevents a lot of women from asserting themselves. Men who assert themselves in the workplace get promoted. Women who try to do the same get called a bitch behind their backs. Our language makes many women feel like they need to put everyone’s needs before their own to avoid the unholy title of Bitch. But bending over backwards to please everyone before yourself comes at the cost of your personal goals.
Some feminists have tried to re-appropriate the term. The founders of Bitch Magazine, for example, believe that the word should have positive meaning. It’s a step in the right direction, but society as a whole still views assertive women as bitchy in a bad way. To achieve any real progress, we need to start viewing assertive women as empowered, instead calling them unkind and bitchy.
The movement to reevaluate our view of assertive women has to start with us. Women are taught to be competitive with each other, starting with Disney. So, sadly, we don’t often help each other out in the workplace; but it’s time that changed.
Encourage other women to be assertive, and work to be more assertive yourself. Instead of tossing out the b-word when one of your coworkers asserts herself, respect her ability to go after her goals. Better yet–learn to do the same. Combining both these factors is the only way we’ll ever be able to affect any real change in women’s workplace experiences.
In a world where men continue to dominate most fields (especially the influential ones, like media, entertainment, tech, politics, and advertising), our language works against successful women. Girls grow up associating assertiveness with bitchiness, and try to act nicer. And while everyone should strive to be nice to others, we need to remind girls that it’s possible to be kind and assertive at once. It’s possible to be nice to others and still stand up for yourself, or go after your goals. Anyone who tries to call you a bitch for that is just wrong.
How do you respond to negative language against women? Sound off in the comments!
In every job I have ever had, it has been women who gave me problems. Huys was always nice to me.
I agree on everything, as a girl I was made fun of by men who were honestly not so smart, and judged by other girls for being me. With a little different way of thinking. I hope I can learn to defend myself from your words.
It’s an indicator of the threat women are to men. Hence they went through all that trouble to think of so many put-downs!! Look at it as a triumph!! if women were irrelevant no one will bother with all that energy of name calling and curse words. Men are just one dimensional and hate it when even that dimension is under threat by women.
Bitch can also be used against men. Those who posses emotionality, non-combativeness, and unassertive, everything that no “real men” should ever possess. It is one of the “worst” insults one can give any man.
Have you ever counted how many curse words there are specifically for women? And then counted the ones specifically for men? It’s astounding. There are next to none for men and 1000 for women because of how history has been patriarchy.
It hurts because it’s a word that has been used to dehumanize women for generations. Men/ women shouldn’t use this word. I’m sorry no.
Being a strong woman is innate. No amount of words should hinder you from what you’re destined to do in life. I know that the slut shaming and the bitch calling is very prevalent nowadays, but we can’t just be ovely sensitive about these things. I learned it the hard way that we can’t really control what society wants to do with us, but we have to learn how to be strong enough to not get affected by it. If we don’t do that, we won’t get anywhere. We sometimes have to adjust because the world isn’t going to adjust for us.
Yeah, it’s not like we can change how the people (world) is in a snap. So sometimes we just have to move on and do our thing.
When do we hear men treated or called the same way as women did when they are becoming assertive? NEVER!!! It’s is an apparent prejudice in a male/female expression of faculty. We only use it against empowered women who only tries to show her worth.
I do agree that it’s possible to be nice to others while asserting your power as a woman. This is why balance exists!
The core meaning of the word still does not change, though. We still use it to describe a woman who does something that we do not really like. We can’t find a way to erase how people use it on on someone they detest.