Not everyone is lucky enough to get –and beat– cancer in their early 30’s. Sound like a strange thing to say? I don’t think it is. Let me explain why.
I’d been feeling low-energy for a few months, and had been getting crazy 4-day-long crippling migraines. That, coupled with an itchy rash that kept me up all night every night scratching, had me feeling like I was in my early 80’s, not my early 30’s. I went to see doctor after doctor who prescribed various pharmaceuticals that did nothing to make me feel better — or only helped temporarily. Two doctors even insisted that I had “chronic Lyme Disease” and tried to get me to go on aggressive courses of antibiotics (which I declined, I’m happy to say).
Finally, after over a year of this, I learned that I’d have to take my health into my own hands if I was to get better, and I started doing a ton of online research. I’d like to say it was me who figured out that I had cancer, but it was, in fact, my mother’s startlingly effective research skills that cracked this case almost a year and a half after I first got sick, and started me on my long journey of recovery.
Here are five reasons why –although having cancer was certainly a harrowing experience not only for me, but for my family– I actually feel lucky to have gone through it:
Always focus on the silver lining
The most important skill I gained from being sick is the ability to see the silver lining in everything. All bad things will pass — eventually. If you look hard enough, you can pull a longer-lasting lesson, appreciation, or some sort of value from every bad thing that’s happened to you. The trick is to focus on that lesson instead of the hurt, and try to see the bad thing that happened as valuable, because of it. I promise, it makes life a lot easier. Positive thinking changes your reality and health.
‘The real voyage of discovery consists not only in seeking new lands but seeing with new eyes.’
-Marcel Proust
Good friends will be there for you in hard times
Having cancer helped teach me who my real friends are — and it surprised me. I got to see who checked in to see how I was doing, and who didn’t. It wasn’t always who I expected.
Love is invaluable
After listening to an audiobook called Radical Remission, and hearing cancer survivor’s stories, I learned that the people who survived had one thing in common: the support of close friends. I would add pets and family to that. Basically — love. In fact, the more true friends they saw regularly, the better off they were health-wise. Love fills life with meaning. It gives us a subconscious reason to live. So I’ve learned to spend less time working and more time talking to my family and hanging with friends. Yes, even if it’s raining or cold outside.
Don’t derive your identity from your accomplishments
When I got sick I realized, sadly, that if I died I would eventually be forgotten and my work-related accomplishments in life would mean very little in the grand scheme of things. I asked myself: if I thought I had one year left in my life, would I regret spending it working? The answer: Hell, yes! So I slowed it all down and started to focus on having more me-time.
Once I separated my identity from my work, I came to the conclusion that what’s really important is having enough money to get by (and pay for medical bills!), and beyond that it’s really all about trying to be happy and have purpose (importantly, healthy people have purpose outside of their own needs and spend time giving back). In other words, do what you can to make a positive difference in the world while you can, and don’t associate personal value with work.
What you eat, drink and smell really does matter
During my quest to figure out that age-old question of “WHY ME?!”, I learned quite a lot about health. I learned that in the USA there are almost zero protections in place to keep us healthy. That means that what you put on your skin and in your mouth needs to be regulated by YOU. Because knowing what’s in your food, what a GMO is and why organic is so much better, why sugar is bad for you, what those chemicals are in your skin cream –and making smart choices based on that– just might save your life someday.
On that note, check these articles out to learn more:
It is always inspiring to read of someone taking something so many see as ‘negative’ and finding the positives within it. So much of what we experience, depends on the choices we make about how to respond and keep responding as we step forwards. You show this wonderfully. I studied for a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology a few years ago and learned of an interesting phenomenon called ‘post traumatic growth’. It has been found that many people actually experience a period of enhanced growth in their lives in response to a trauma, rather than the opposite. I found this extremely ‘hope-giving’ for everyone. The more individuals (like you) that can demonstrate and share a positive response to something usually perceived negatively, the better. It helps more and more people understand it is possible and they can create improved experiences for themselves, should they ever encounter a similar challenge. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Thank you so much for the comment! There’s a great book called Antifragile, which is all about the concept of getting stronger through pain and adversity. It’s definitely a practice… but very much life-enhancing (and lengthening!) 🙂 xo
I’m glad you’ve handled it well, Hilary! I’ve lost some friends to cancer. And I also know a lot who were able to fight it and live normal and healthy afterward. I must say you’re doing great. People are supporting you, stay strong 🙂
Just wanted to let you know that I’ve been following your writing for years now and you’re a true inspiration. Thanks for being such an honest writer!
Thank you! I hope that writing about important issues and being honest about my experiences will help remove the stigma about things like cancer. I’m not ashamed to have been sick — I see it as a positive, so maybe after reading this, others will too 🙂
Hilary – It certainly made me think twice about the hard things I’ve been through. Thanks for the new perspective!
I really appreciate that you had the courage to write this article, instead of keeping this private. I think you’ll be an inspiration for anyone who’s had cancer or had something bad happen to them. Kudos!
It’s really crazy how many young people are getting cancer these days. Make’s you wonder what the cause is. My guess is it’s a combination of toxins in the air, water, and food we eat. Who knows, maybe it’s all the wifi hot spots. So hard to know how to avoid the dangers out there. Thanks for writing this, it’s a great reminder how careful/smart we have to be these days to protect ourselves. Soldier on!
Yes! I was shocked to find out how many other young people I know have or had cancer. People generally don’t talk about it until you bring it up… Even my cat sitter, who’s in her 20’s, has been living with cancer.
There are a number of natural things out there that have been researched for decades that are effective with cancer as well as other things and for bringing your body back to normal afterwards. One of the best is DDW. Check out the Docs web site if you like. http://www.hyd.hu/en
I will check that out – thanks!
I very much identify with your article, having lived through a similar experience in my late 20’s. 30 years later those experience still positively shape my everyday. Maybe now even more than ever. Thank you for inspiring others to see their own silver linings and to take initiatives in their own healthcare / WellCare.
That must have been an intense experience!! Holy cow – to think you’re dying. And that young… I keep hearing about young people getting cancer, but it’s interesting to read your story and what you got out of it. Now if I could only find some sort of positive lesson or something from the experience of breaking up with the ‘love of my life’… easier said than done…ug!
It’s so inspiring to read that you went through that and came out the other side stronger. I wish I had that kind of spirit! You’re making me think twice about a lot of things in my life though… Not many articles have had this much of an impact on me. So, thanks.
My hope is that sharing my experience will to help others have an easier time getting through hardship.
Wow. I can’t imagine the shock of finding out your have cancer. What an uplifting article. It’s amazing that you were able to go through something so tough and get these empowering lessons from it. The world needs more people to think that way!