One of my close friends from college once told me that the most appealing thing to him is when he sees a girl out by herself–just having a coffee, reading or working–and having a great time. He explained that it’s a huge turn-on if she’s comfortable enough with herself to be alone and enjoy it.
As an introvert, he may have been a little biased, but I think he makes a great point. For one thing, if we already love and appreciate ourselves then we won’t feel the need to constantly agonize over whether others are validating us, which makes for much easier, healthier, and less stressful relationships. Heck, it makes for an easier life in general! Not to mention, self-love has a way of shining through and attracting the right people to you. And the love you have for yourself is a pretty strong indicator of your ability to love other people.
Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
It’s cliché but true: you have to love you before you can expect to love another person. Like, really, really love another person. No matter how wonderful and doting your partner is, ultimately that person is going to do something you really wish they hadn’t. When that happens, you’re going to be faced with the realization that you’re dealing with a human being–a human being that is just as flawed as your family, your friends, the people you love as much as the people you hate, and you yourself.
The way in which you deal with these “shortcomings” will largely be defined by how you deal with your own shortcomings. If you are loving and accepting of yourself in spite of your flaws, you are likely to react with that same love and acceptance towards others. However, if you are disdainful and unforgiving towards yourself, expecting perfection at every turn, then guess what? That’s exactly how you’re going to treat your partner.
If you want to find love, you need to find a way to love you. Your version of self-love doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s. You might want to practice yoga and meditation, or take the time each day to read a novel, or treat yourself to a bubble bath. Don’t be afraid to indulge or be a little silly. This is about becoming the best, most secure and vibrant you. So play. Try something new. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as it makes you feel cared for, worthy and in control of your own destiny because you absolutely are! Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
By the way, the point is not to get a boyfriend. If you do loving things for yourself hoping that this will attract a man who will then take over, don’t kid yourself. Self-love, like many popular versions of romantic love, is a lifelong commitment. If you’re only doing it to attract a guy, it’s not going to work. The idea that prince (or princess), charming is going to save you or transform your life in some grand way is not only unrealistic. I’d argue that it’s overrated. Romantic love can certainly be wonderful, magical, and perhaps even transforming, but it works best when both partners have a sturdy foundation to build on. This is not the picture of love that the media or the entertainment industry would like us to have, but it is a picture grounded in reality.
Practicing self-love is its own reward. Remember that this time, before marriage or children or even a serious relationship, is one of the few periods in your life when you are able to indulge, spend time alone, and take care of yourself to the extent that you’re able to right now. It won’t be this way forever. Cherish it.
How do you practice self-love? Share your stories with us below!
Okay so, let’s say someone has depression. It feels impossible to love yourself when you have clinical or major depression. I first met my boyfriend when my depression was getting so bad that, I doubt I would have survived to the next year. You don’t have to love yourself to love someone else. You really don’t. It makes it easier though. I love my boyfriend and hate myself because of my depression. We both have an understanding of each other and trust each other. In a relationship, it’s more about you and the other person together. It’s not, we both hate ourselves so we probably can’t love each other, this was a mistake, let’s break up. Relationships are started on feelings yes, but if you and your lover are actually truthful you don’t have to love yourself. The little things they do that make you smile, the understanding of each other, they want to keep the other happy as well. That’s love. And love takes work, but you should never think you can’t love people because you don’t love yourself.
This is so so so true! I am officially 18 years old today and I never once thought about my failed relationships in this way, I was with a guy for a year and a half and you’re right, I fell in love with the person I imagined he was, but he ended up leaving because he stopped loving me. But you put this into an amazing perspective, thank you so much.
I literally don’t know how to do this; love myself. Help?
The hardest for me learning to love myself is comparing myself to every girl. I’ve hated myself for so long that it has become a habit I can’t shake, I see a girl in the street and think ” OMG she has a great… I wish I had that ” or “WOW I wish I was as pretty as her”. And Instagram really doesn’t help. So many beautiful models on there and the Kardashians, the Jenners, they’re everywhere looking flawless in every picture. Always promoting tea that makes them skinny, always promoting teeth whitening kits to keep their teeth white of, they just always look beautiful and I will never ever look beautiful and will never ever look like that and it sucks. And then I think, “I bet my boyfriend finds them pretty” I needed to be pretty like them. So I go to every length to try and look as beautiful as they do. It’s just a vicious cycle so so tired.
Yes. I agree. I am more attracted to people who can handle themselves. It’s the type of partner that you will want to be with the rest of your life because they can love themselves, and you they are sensitive enough to know some stuff. ?
It’s time for new beginnings. So much is clearing out of your life. New energy is entering. You might be experiencing a lot of mental, physical, and spiritual transformations that are unlocking new levels within yourself. Be patient and prioritize self-care and self-love right now.
When you begin with self love, you may, along the way, gain a sense of Kapwa, and start to care about your community. Eventually, the country. Take care of your hearts and minds. Go inside your soul. Nuh uh, further in. It’s scary but you’ll be fine.
No matter how broken you feel, you can put yourself back together with self-love. It’s not always going to be easy, & it won’t happen overnight, but you are strong enough to fill the cracks in your heart with unbreakable & unconditional self-love. ?
Sometimes you will just realize to love yourself when something bad happened. If you’re from a heartbreak is one of example.
Holding grudges only bring u down. It fills your life with so much negativity & bitterness & it’s not worth it. Forgiving the people who hurt u is not allowing them to walk over u but saying that u have enough self-love to not let that negativity consume your life.
It’s just like how JB sang his song. The woman in her song doesn’t love herself so he was telling to love herself because before you find happiness, you must learn how to love yourself first.