One of my close friends from college once told me that the most appealing thing to him is when he sees a girl out by herself–just having a coffee, reading or working–and having a great time. He explained that it’s a huge turn-on if she’s comfortable enough with herself to be alone and enjoy it.
As an introvert, he may have been a little biased, but I think he makes a great point. For one thing, if we already love and appreciate ourselves then we won’t feel the need to constantly agonize over whether others are validating us, which makes for much easier, healthier, and less stressful relationships. Heck, it makes for an easier life in general! Not to mention, self-love has a way of shining through and attracting the right people to you. And the love you have for yourself is a pretty strong indicator of your ability to love other people.
Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
It’s cliché but true: you have to love you before you can expect to love another person. Like, really, really love another person. No matter how wonderful and doting your partner is, ultimately that person is going to do something you really wish they hadn’t. When that happens, you’re going to be faced with the realization that you’re dealing with a human being–a human being that is just as flawed as your family, your friends, the people you love as much as the people you hate, and you yourself.
The way in which you deal with these “shortcomings” will largely be defined by how you deal with your own shortcomings. If you are loving and accepting of yourself in spite of your flaws, you are likely to react with that same love and acceptance towards others. However, if you are disdainful and unforgiving towards yourself, expecting perfection at every turn, then guess what? That’s exactly how you’re going to treat your partner.
If you want to find love, you need to find a way to love you. Your version of self-love doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s. You might want to practice yoga and meditation, or take the time each day to read a novel, or treat yourself to a bubble bath. Don’t be afraid to indulge or be a little silly. This is about becoming the best, most secure and vibrant you. So play. Try something new. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as it makes you feel cared for, worthy and in control of your own destiny because you absolutely are! Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
By the way, the point is not to get a boyfriend. If you do loving things for yourself hoping that this will attract a man who will then take over, don’t kid yourself. Self-love, like many popular versions of romantic love, is a lifelong commitment. If you’re only doing it to attract a guy, it’s not going to work. The idea that prince (or princess), charming is going to save you or transform your life in some grand way is not only unrealistic. I’d argue that it’s overrated. Romantic love can certainly be wonderful, magical, and perhaps even transforming, but it works best when both partners have a sturdy foundation to build on. This is not the picture of love that the media or the entertainment industry would like us to have, but it is a picture grounded in reality.
Practicing self-love is its own reward. Remember that this time, before marriage or children or even a serious relationship, is one of the few periods in your life when you are able to indulge, spend time alone, and take care of yourself to the extent that you’re able to right now. It won’t be this way forever. Cherish it.
How do you practice self-love? Share your stories with us below!
How do you really love yourself, anyway?
It’s the little things, actually. The little things that we don’t mind. Like having quiet time in the mornings while we drink coffee and we know that we feel thankful for waking up today.
Yes, I also agree that it’s the little things. Like buying that cute pair of shoes!
You wanna know why we can’t love ourselves as easy as we thought we could? PERFECTION. We aim for that so that moment that we aren’t close to being perfect, we take a deep dive to misery.
THIS!!! We think perfection is the goal so when we do something less than perfect, we feel so down and we think we’re not good enough.
I educate my child as early as now not to take crap from other people and that red flags should be taken note of.?
Self-love is the key for mental health and well-being. A lot of us fail to realize that.
I agree, I also think that even our physical health can alter all of this.
People have made tons of songs about this but we didn’t listen. Seriously though, self-love isn’t just a phase. It’s a lifetime thing that we need to do daily and we shouldn’t stop doing it at a certain point in our life. It needs to be a habit that we need to take note of everytime so that we don’t end up getting hurt by others. One more thing is that self-love can help us avoid destructive behaviors every time we experience something in our lives that’s a turning point.
If you’re not loving yourself enough, you’re risking yourself to a lot of things like depression. Nobody wants that.
The concept of self-love is quite broad, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be doing it.
We’re always told to love ourselves yet they judge us for doing so. Being normal in this society makes you the outcast. It’s like being damaged is the new trend and self-destructive behavior is the new drug. What kind of shit is that? I really want to do more self-care everyday just so I would feel better about myself. I want to put on makeup because I want to feel empowered, but then we’re told that men don’t like women wearing too much makeup. Oh maybe, you should all just shut up.
Hah! They should really just shut up and mind their own business.
If you are not happy then someone else can’t make you happy.
I’ve learned this the hard way. I’m 21 years old but I felt like it took me a while to finally love myself. When I was so insecure and sad I attracted that type of energy from a guy. But once I started loving myself and working on becoming a better human being overall, I started to feel really happy being alone. I don’t go looking for that happiness in someone else when I’m the one who’s capable of my own. Believe me, ladies and gentleman, it’ll never work if you never love yourself first.