When Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer said she doesn’t consider herself a feminist, I thought, “how is it possible that such an intelligent woman could say that?” To be honest, I immediately lost a certain amount of respect for her.
Then I started thinking: why would she say that?
Let’s start with this: What does feminism make you think of?
Burning bras? Extremism? Hairy armpits? A jaded and unattractive woman in a pant suit? A beautiful women in a sundress?
For the past century, the male-run mainstream media has tried to make the association lie with the first four, but not the fifth.
Now, what does feminism mean?
A movement to help women be seen, treated and respected as equal in value and capability to men, and to have the same opportunities. Yup – it’s that simple.
More specifically, feminists want women to get equal pay for equal work, and to be seen as candidates for jobs like CTO, CEO, Chairman Chairperson, Senator, President… To let women into the same private clubs where deals are made and promotions are decided on. To get to the point where what a women has to say matters more than how she looks.
What does a feminist really look like?
Me, my husband, and all of my friends–simply because I wouldn’t be friends with someone who thinks women are second class citizens and deserve less respect than a man. Women and men in all industries, who dress well and shave their pits–or don’t! To each their own!
Why is feminism still important?
It wasn’t that long ago that women weren’t allowed to vote. Women were handed off from their patriarchal parent’s house to their husband’s house — ordered around by one man or another, never allowed to make their own choices.
Men didn’t let them into the best schools or clubs, or give women good jobs, or let women take credit for their inventions because they didn’t want women to feel an ounce of freedom. And if one man thought differently, he was quickly bullied into getting back in the patriarchal line.
Women have been living in a society strategically designed by men to give women as few options and as little independence as possible. In a nutshell, it’s been this way for centuries so that men can have the freedom to behave badly and their wives won’t feel like they can leave them. So that men can have complete control over women.
Men (not every man, but on the whole) wanted women to feel desperate and rely on them. So they perpetuated the falsehood that women aren’t competent enough to have higher-up positions, or that it simply wasn’t their ‘place’. (You’ve heard ‘a woman’s place is in the kitchen’, I assume? Shaming mother’s who choose to work is the current way of saying this.)
Lest you think that this is some sort of natural world order, know that girls have the same aspirations as boys until a certain age where they start internalizing the messed-up messages from Disney films and their sexist Barbie toys. The media continually sends messaging that women should be cheery, docile, simple and sexy (but not slutty!), and then have babies and stay at home. That your value as a woman lies in how pretty and carefree of a toy for men you can twist yourself into.
Women are continually objectified and told that their beauty is all they have, pitted against each other in competition for men. This is by design, to keep women from having strength in numbers. Women are taught that they’re ‘past their prime’ at age 30, so that they’ll believe that no other man will want them (giving the power to their husband), and so they’ll be jealous and hateful of younger women….
It’s so ingrained in our subconscious that many women don’t want to believe they’ve been duped and that they could’ve dreamed bigger. Hence, the ‘I don’t need feminism’ movement.
Did you know that only 6.6% of Fortune 500 companies have female CEO’s? Yes, in the year 2020. Still.
This is slowly changing, but we’re still far from at equality — and we seriously risk slipping backwards if we keep electing openly sexist men like Trump, who actively reinforce gender stereotypes, focus on women’s looks while discounting what they have to say, and chip away at women’s rights.
How did we get this distorted idea of what a feminist is?
Put simply: the word feminism has been dirtied by the media. Media and advertising have traditionally –and continue to be– industries run by men. It’s a fact that when the male-dominated media is threatened by a movement or shift in culture, they find many ways to subtly (or not-so-subtly) demonize the movement and the people involved.
It’s a fact that the media is the most thought-altering force in humans lives.
I mean, God forbid women take over and stop perpetuating unhealthy beauty ideals, thereby threatening mainstream women’s magazine’s very business model (beauty and fashion advertisers rely on magazines and their ads to make women feel insecure and competitive with other women — it drives sales).
Or what if women started demanding justice for the rampant sexual abuse these men dole out? Or the men started getting called out when ‘mansplaining’ and belittling women to make themselves feel powerful? Or men started having women as their bosses? That would be so hard on their egos! And what would happen to the ‘freedom’ that these old white men enjoy?? #SorryNotSorry #MeToo
Their answer: systematically suppress ‘feminism’ by making it seem like an un-feminine, man-hating, ugly fringe movement.
What can we do?
We can fight back by making it cool to be a feminist. Wear t-shirts stating that you’re a feminist, and post it on social media. Talk about it. Educate others.
Get the men in your life to agree to call out men who are sexist. Get them to find ways to support women. Watch films directed by women. Watch talk shows hosted by women (I never miss Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, or The Rachel Maddow Show).
Speak out when you notice a man being sexist. Demand justice if you were sexually abused — and don’t stop until you get an audience.
Participate in women’s rights marches — or organize them!
Stop being jealous of other women. Stop tearing other women down, and instead find ways to lift them up. Life is not a zero-sum game.
Because only if we work together, can we move onward and upward.
Feminism has been both the worst and the best thing to happen to women.
Plain and simple, feminism is the leading cause of death for chivalry. Women complain that chivalry is dead, but it’s feminists that have tried to destroy it. Why would a guy want to open a door for a woman after being cussed out by the last woman he did it for?
I simply believe that if we appreciated our differences instead of trying to make men more feminine and women more manly, we might all get a lot further.
I completely agree feminism has turned into some sort of dirty word. It seems to have become synonymous with a kind of superiority contest, especially in schools. It is really important that feminism is understood for what it is, a ‘simple’ struggle for the equal rights and opportunity with men, and as opposed to popular thought, this is yet to be achieved. People, regardless of their gender, race or upbringing, should be able to do what makes them happy. The idea that one gender is inferior to another in any aspect is ridiculous and destructive. We are limiting the opportunity for cultural, scientific, technological and medical breakthroughs by holding on to that idea. Each individual has their own special talents and abilities that they can choose to contribute to society, and if we start to embrace those abilities without prejudice and without controlling people with stereotypical gender roles, then we can tap into resources that have been greatly suppressed.
This is a very strong and powerful post. I hope that no one misunderstands the real problem here.
Amazingly written article for an even more important issue! I guess you defined feminism aptly. It’s about Equality and Individualism, the right to be able to choose, speak and do whatever we want as we want and not be judged so easily by society.
Feminism is still shunned because many people think of it as a potential danger which may interchange power relationship between men and women and can make women superior to men. Rather, it is a movement for establishing equality of both the sexes which includes safeguarding equal rights, opportunities and freedom of choice for every person irrespective of sex.
For some, it meant hating men, for others it meant a failing attempt to establish female superiority, and then there were those who tried to push feminism into a four-walled definition of what we mean by feminism. Feminism is not the belief that one gender should be raised in power above another. Modern-day feminism has even been accused of advocating the victimization of women and the vilification of men, but this is simply incorrect. The very definition of feminism shows a complete opposition to this belief. So when people comment against feminism, they are supporting sexism. There is no sitting on the fence. You are either a feminist or sexist. We need to stop thinking of people in regards to their gender. We need to stop associating people with a certain level of power over other people just because they were born with certain genitals.
It’s so true! The word “feminism” has been deemed synonymous with “men-hating”, and feminists are often labeled as “feminazis”.
I’ve heard that a lot, coming from females too, which is very disturbing.
Feminism means that although these societal norms and expectations may exist it’s truly our choice of what we allow to define us. There are no levels we have to touch or cross to be the ultimate feminist. It all boils down to making a simple decision for yourself without disregard and hate. As true feminists, it’s our job to support the choices of others even when we may not agree with them. I guess Marissa Mayers believes in something else most of us don’t.