Something magical happened to me when I turned 40. I stopped caring. I literally stopped giving a shit. No, I didn’t have a nervous breakdown or stop being concerned about myself, my family or friends. I stopped caring about the mythical “they”.
You know who I’m talking about.
The “they” that says you can’t wear white after Labor Day. The “they” that says as a woman in Corporate America, you have to dumb yourself down to allow the people around you to be a bit more comfortable in your presence. The “they” that says you have to stay in the career in which you’ve already invested two decades. The “they” that says you can’t love curse words and God at the same time. What the hell ever.
It was an epic, soul searching, gut wrenching shit fit of a moment.
The year I turned 40, I embraced my authentic self, instead of only occasionally visiting her.
So there I was, in Corporate America, after almost two decades in financial services — and I was having a moment. It was an epic, soul searching, gut wrenching shit fit of a moment. I literally felt like flipping the desk over in my cubical. I mean, I probably would have if it wasn’t screwed into the wall. But I digress…
I was pissed and having a one-sided conversation with God. “Surely you created me for more than this foolery. This cannot be what you meant my life’s work to be.” I had just finished having yet another asinine conversation with a “leader” who had asked my opinion and then had the audacity to get pissed when my opinion didn’t line up with his. Seriously, I lost track of how many times, through my actions and words, I conveyed that my ethics were not up for sale. My constant & consistent mantra had been, “If you are looking for a yes person, buddy, I’m not it.” And yet here we were again.
I began to try to figure out what’s next for me? What in the hell comes after this?? I cannot –I will not— have this life for another 25 years. I allowed myself to be open to the possibilities and, after much going back and forth with the big guy, I reluctantly decided to embrace entrepreneurship.
Entrepreneurship — who would want that burden? You’re exposed, every mistake available for dissection by sideline critics. My dream had always been to be a part of Corporate America.
Corporate America was, to me, the land of paid-time-off, paychecks every two weeks, and lots of policies and procedures. While other little girls were playing dolls and pretending to cook, I played business woman. I had my pens, paper and a rotary phone that wasn’t hooked up to anything. I wanted to be in Corporate America chasing that title, being in control and running stuff. I would be the first in my close-knit family to work in Corporate America. I pursued that goal with a laser focus, through two degrees, several companies, relocations, and motherhood.
Imagine my disappointment to discover that I had finally gotten everything I ever wanted only to find that it left me completely empty. I wasn’t happy, not even a little bit. Thank goodness I had a friend who had begun to teach me about the law of attraction and mindset. Thanks to her, I slowly worked past my resistance to thinking about the world differently and opened my mind up to the possibilities.
I considered that maybe –just maybe— the life I had been pursuing wasn’t the life that I was supposed to have after all. But it was a catalyst to finally get me on the right path. So on that day in my 40th year, I decided to take responsibility for intentionally building the life I wanted.
Imagine my disappointment to discover that I had finally gotten everything I ever wanted only to find that it left me completely empty.
I would create an amazing legacy for my family and others by being a servant leader. I would design an existence of which I could be proud, making up the rules of how my life would work as I went along. I would bravely rewrite the script of my own life. And so I quit Corporate America. I left it all behind and launched a personal concierge/lifestyle management firm. I changed my life completely, and now, finally, life feels like it is moving along quite splendidly.
If you are in the market to rewrite the script of your life, here are three things I highly recommend that you do/embrace:
Get ready to turn your current mindset on its ass.
I heard this quote somewhere (or maybe it’s the name of a book), but the gist of it is this: what got you here, won’t get you there. You have to be willing to do some heavy lifting, read some books, make some new friends, get rid of some lifelong friends. This is about going to a new level and unlearning some stuff that has been blocking you and holding you back. Everybody is different but, for me, this journey started with purging, decluttering my house and no TV watching (I know; this was in the 2nd or 3rd season of Scandal!! Talk about agony!).
Invest in yourself.
Again — buy a book, read it and actually implement the practices. Attend a seminar, listen, take notes and actually implement the practices. Pay for a coach, engage your coach, and actually do what he or she says. Have you noticed a theme? It’s not enough to just spend the money. You also have to strengthen your commitment to execute.
Embrace self-care.
You simply cannot rewrite the script if you don’t put caring for yourself and your health high up on your to-do list. You won’t have the energy for it. I hate the gym, and I’m not a fan of working out. My trainer assures me that I will fall in love eventually, but it hasn’t happened yet. I work out because I HAVE to do it. I’ve noticed when I’m not doing a good job of taking care of myself, mentally and/or physically, my body will call me out and just not participate in my plans. I’ll start to get sick or start to get migraines.
My body is very clear about who is in charge, so to co-exist with it; I have to do my part by making good choices. Spa days have found their place on my calendar, as have frequent walks in the park. These are appointments with you, for you. Don’t be one of those people that are great at taking care of everyone but you.
Changing course at 40 or after isn’t for the faint of heart, but it is absolutely worth it. I am happy and free — and you will be too once you get out of your own way.
Be brave!
Thanks so much for this amazing article! I’ve been going through it myself, and your advice is definitely a great help.
Take time to live, find some exercise to keep you feeling your life. Be ready to take a few years to find your course in life. Trying to force it or rush it doesn’t work.
🙂
You are so welcome!! Absolutely, be willing to go thru the process to figure this thing out. You owe it to yourself. 😉
I appreciate all the advice throughout this blog. I didnt realize that Mid Life Crisis was such a serious thing until I realized myself that this is what I was going through. I find myself in limbo a lot during the course of the day.
Mmmhmm Monica. I didn’t realize what was going on at first. It took me a minute to figure it out and decide that I owed it to myself to be open to the possibilities.
If we look at it pragmatically, it is easy to discover that most of the things we desire are programmed into us at an early age by society. In our minds a virtual checklist appears and rather than ticks in each box we have big red X’s in most, and that to us says we are a failure. The reality is that we are not focusing on the things we are doing well, instead we are dwelling on our failure to meet up to the norm. 🙂
Hello! This is the best article on mid life crisis I’ve seen yet. Very informative and helpful. Will be sharing on Facebook so it could be useful to my friends too.
Yay!! That makes me happy. I’m so thrilled that you are willing to share. I hope it helps someone in your circle.
This article was an eye opener for me to realise that me and my partner are going through this. I have learned lot from this post. Will want to know more how as partner can resolve and move on. thank you so much for the wonderdul tips.
Thank you for this article and thank you to all people who have commented. I’ve read through this article and the comments, and though I find it comforting that I’m not alone, I’m at a loss as to what exactly to do.
You are very welcome Evelyn. You are certainly not alone. I recommend the book, The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, it helped me to get out of my own way.
Hi, firstly I would like to say what a great site this and already after reading this article and comments, I am feeling a lot better about what is happening to me. I am 32 and feeling really down and out about life. I work full time. I feel in the past year that everything has gone hill for me. I hate my job I just want to quit. I find it hard to get out of bed. If it wasn’t for my child coming in a poking me in the eyeballs I wouldn’t get up. I find no joy in doing anything I used in enjoy doing. I just feel lost and empty. I feel scared because I feel I no longer have any hopes or dreams or goals in life. I am literally living each day as it comes and somedays I don’t even want to see the day out and it scares me.
I’m glad that you enjoyed the article. I’m sending positive energy out to you to help you do the work of figuring out how to get back to what makes you happy. In fact, there is a book I would like to recommend called “The Work” by Bryon Katie. You deserve to be happy and don’t let anyone convince you of anything else.
Thank you so much for this concise and gentle article. I feel a bit like I’m losing my mind after spending 15 years in a career I never really wanted — I only did it to support my family. I’m very good at it and make a great salary. But for the last few years, I’ve been tweaking my life outside of work, trying to do all kinds of extra-curricular stuff to make up for my discontent. But I just can’t do it anymore. I’m taking a leave of absence and am going to try to discover my next career move.
I’m sending you positive energy as you go on your soul searching journey. It may not be easy, but it will totally be worth it. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for this article. It helped me put things in perspective. You have clarified many things for me. Your work is really good and as a person experiencing “mid-life crises” , some small , some big, I really appreciate what I have learnt from your perspective!
After reading your articles it’s clear I am going through the midlife criss. I am doing things that are out of character. Trying to deal with these emotions is confusing and crazy causing sleepless nights, anxiety and depression. I have never acted in this way before.I know I need to work through this till this is over but I am struggling.