When I was growing up, my mom chose to stay home, a decision that positively affected my childhood in a lot of ways. My aunt chose to keep her job when my cousin was born, and they also have a great relationship. What do these two women have in common? They both made choices about motherhood that we should support.
Motherhood is surrounded by a lot of disagreement. Working mothers are made to feel guilty for leaving their kids with a nanny during the workday. Meanwhile, stay at home moms are criticized for undermining the feminist cause by sticking to traditional gender roles. No matter what mothers choose, the end result is the same: society doesn’t approve. New mothers are faced with a choice, and whether they decide to stay at home or continue working, society will condemn them for it.
It’s a problematic part of motherhood that never seems to impact fathers.
It is these mommy wars, and not stay at home motherhood, that undermines the feminist cause. Instead of empowering women to make their own career choices, we’re policing mothers’ decisions. Instead of making it easier for women to work, we are quick to judge.
Stay-at-home versus working motherhood is a personal choice based on an array of personal factors. It’s a case-by-case decision that each mother has to make for herself. If a mother chooses to continue working after having a child, it is a choice we must respect. No mom should feel inadequate because she, like most fathers, works during the day.
America’s lack of nationally-mandated maternity leave certainly doesn’t help the situation. In countries where women have the job security that maternity leave affords them, they are far more likely to go back to work. This would suggest that women would prefer to go back to work, but often can’t because their job evaporated while they were in the hospital. Or, better yet, in countries where there’s equal maternity and paternity leave (for the father), gender roles and pay equity are far more equal, and studies show that mothers are far happier. In these countries it’s not just a given that the woman will be the one to sacrifice her career.
We must respect women’s right to choose their own careers, a choice we have never denied men.
Likewise, we must respect the choice to stay home. Many argue that if a woman isn’t working and thus not financially independent, she is destroying the feminist cause. But forcing women into the workplace when they have the desire and means to stay home and look after their children is just as bad as forcing women to stay home when they want to work. It takes away women’s autonomy and suggests that women can’t choose for themselves.
We must ensure each woman has the right to make her own choices about her own career, whether she has children or not. By suggesting that employment makes you a lesser mother (but not a lesser father — in fact, just the opposite), we’re saying that women who have children must sacrifice everything while their husband does not. By trying to force stay at home mothers back into the workplace, we’re saying women who choose full-time motherhood can’t choose their own career and life paths. That sounds like exactly the kind of mentality feminists are trying to fight.
We should strive to make both choices accessible to as many women as possible…
That means helping professional mothers by making it easier for them to balance professional time and family time.
It means supporting stay at home mothers in their decision instead of accusing them of whiling the day away in yoga pants.
It means respecting women’s universal right to choose their own careers — a choice we have never denied men.
In the end, feminism comes down to supporting women’s career choices. We fought, and continue to fight, for equal rights in the workplace, and women have more professional choices now than ever before. As mothers struggle to decide whether they will stay home or continue working, they should know that the feminist community supports their right to choose. Let’s stop judging each other and refocus our energies to make both choices easy and accessible to all women.
Don’t want to deal with the mommy wars? Here are 8 solid reasons not to have kids.
How do you feel about the so-called “Mommy Wars”? Let us know in the comments!
Give us the right maternity leave, and ensure that we can get back to work. Companies are being unfair to us, women. We want equality.
In my case, my wife chose to stay at home because it is our first baby. I told her that if she wants to get back to work, she’s free because it’s her passion. She agreed with me, but she wants to take care of our first born baby first. ☺
Maybe she wants to be a hands-on mother to your firstborn. She’s a lucky girl to have a supportive husband like you.
We should stop the war. Whatever career both moms will choose, let’s just be supportive. If she wants to work, cheer her! If she wants to stay at home and look for her children, support her. As long as she is doing right, and taking care of her children, it’s just fine.
It’s their decision. Your mom chose to stay at home, and you aunt chose her work, but is there any difference? None. You live, you are healthy, and your cousin as well.
Feminism is not that acceptable here in the US. People or most men think that women are just for home, and should take care of their children, but in reality, women can actually work. This mommy war is affecting the feminist. Let’s just be supportive people. ?
I told my wife that I want her to take care of our kids, and I will provide their needs. She refused to accept my offer. She told me that she wants to give our children the best life that we could give, and we should work that out together.
Your wife is amazing. She loves your family that much. Let’s just accept the fact that women, in today’s generation are stronger, and braver than before.
What’s wrong with working while being a mom? Is there a law that it is forbidden to work if you already have a child? ?
I think it’s just right to let a mother stay at home. Take care of your children, and let the father do his job. You children need your attention more than your money.
I hope that the companies here in the USA can give us equality. We want to work, and how can we work if you’re not giving us a chance? Once we got pregnant, we have no right to work, or get back to it? Why? Because we already have a baby? That’s so unfair.
A mother should take care of their children, but if she chose to work, and let the nanny take care of her child/children, we have no right to judge the woman because it is her right to choose.
You are right. I don’t understand why there are people who love to talk about other people lives. It’s their decision, we have to accept it.