I’m Single: On Purpose!

What’s so wrong with my choice to not date? Why do my friends push so hard to get me back on the bandwagon?


When I decided I wanted to stay out of the dating world for a while, I was met with a variety of reactions. From “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone,” to “Sure, you want to be single now, but wouldn’t it be great if you met the right guy?”, it was clear that few people supported the decision.

I chose to stay single because I was so extraordinarily happy with the people and work in my life and didn’t want to rearrange any of it to make room for a significant other. But as soon as I dropped dating from my priorities list, a lot of people seemed determined to put it back. The advocacies for online dating, the offers to set me up, and the insistences that I’d change my mind, if only I found the right guy, were endless.

I’m Single: On Purpose!

My feminist side was miffed. Here I was, young and unbearably happy and surrounded by people trying to convince me that my life was imperfect because it didn’t include a guy. Even though we say we’re past the idea that a woman needs a man to be complete, in practice it seems we’re not.

What kind of message are we sending when we encourage our girlfriends to find a man, even when she’s professed a desire to remain single for a while? Romance is wonderful, but it’s hardly the only thing worth living for. If a woman chooses to focus on her career, her friends, or something as simple as having the entire mattress to herself, why can’t we support that?

Despite the progress feminism has made, it seems we still see an unmarried woman as a failure. I have known so many successful, happy single women who are pitied and looked down upon –as if something is fundamentally wrong with them because they aren’t married– a phenomenon much rarer for single men.

I’m Single: On Purpose!

It’s important to learn how to create happiness from within, rather than looking to the external world for personal fulfillment. Everyone should to take some time alone to understand the difference between alone and lonely. To enjoy time with friends, and develop individuality and independence. We should encourage young women to enjoy singledom as a time of personal and professional growth and realization. Instead, we share dating advice.

Despite all this, the benefits of single life are starting to gain popularity. More people live alone now than ever before. 15 million people in the US between the ages of 35 and 64 choose to remain single. They’ve escaped the pressure to commit to a relationship and opted to enjoy single life instead. This often gives them more opportunities to be social, and to build their career, than married life would. So why can’t we encourage that choice—or at least respect it?

I’m Single: On Purpose!

It all ties back to the traditional family values we cling to. For those who do choose to date, more expectations aren’t far behind: When are you going to get married? Are you going to have kids? How are you going to raise them? From the dolls we played house with, to politicians who give commencement speeches telling us to get married and have kids, we’ve been schooled on what we should want. Apparently, we should want to see women married and raising 2.5 kids behind white picket fences. But in this time of change and reevaluation of marriage, can’t we allow people to dispense with these notions all together?

Women exist outside marriage and motherhood, a concept that we all should’ve internalized a long time ago. Instead of shoving girls into relationships, we should encourage each other to take time for ourselves. Enjoy singledom while you have it. That’s not to say we should all give up on love and marriage; both are beautiful, valuable things. But being single is as well, and it’s time we acknowledged that.

Have you ever chosen to remain single for a while? Share your singledom stories in the comments!

Avatar of Auriane Desombre

Born in France but raised all over the place, Auriane has wanted to write ever since she was old enough to spell her name. In her spare time she loves reading, hanging out with her best friends (even when they're not in the same time zone), and spontaneous singing with her Broadway-bound roommate.

Reader Discussion: 86 Comments

  1. Avatar of Nick


    Since most women are very independent nowadays, many of them really don’t need a man at all, which I will admit myself. But the great majority of these women anyway are very high maintenance, independent, since I just mentioned this already, very selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, narcissists, gold diggers, cheaters, and very very money hungry as well. So with a very big list like this, these type of women will grow very very old all alone with a bunch of cats when their time really comes. Serves them right altogether. Feminism has really ruined these women as well, especially the ones that really think they’re all that which they’re not at all.

  2. Avatar of Ariana Banner

    I am an independent strong woman, I need no man in my life. Relationships slow my progress down. My career is more important than love. -that’s what ugly girls say when it’s valentines day.

    • Avatar of Monet Brooks

      Monet Brooks


  3. Avatar of Ani


    This was very useful and relatable for me . I’ve always been thinking what was wrong with a single woman(by choice) and every time I understand nothing?
    Enjoyed the article so much ????

  4. Avatar of Atiya


    Thanku fr this ..it is exactly what i needed to read <3

  5. Avatar of James T

    James T

    Well i will admit that there is nothing wrong with being single by choice. But then there are a lot of us men out there that really wanted to be in a relationship had we really met the RIGHT GOOD WOMAN from the very beginning which unfortunately we never did. But at one time that i was married which i was a very good husband to my ex wife since i was very committed, loving, caring, and had respect for her which it still wasn’t good enough for her. She cheated on me since she turned out to be a real low life pathetic loser that i never knew which really devastated me altogether thinking at that time that i really did meet the right good woman which unfortunately wasn’t the case for me. And i always did wanted children as well which now for me being a single good man again Isn’t fun at all especially when all your friends are settled down with their own life since they were VERY EXTREMELY BLESSED to have found their loved ones. And i do have one friend that i know that Isn’t married either which he really feels as bad as i do and rather be in a relationship as well. Now going out all over again is the hardest part of all especially now that i am a lot older looking for a GOOD WOMAN this time for me since the women of today are so very selfish, greedy, spoiled, and very money hungry since they will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less either. Most of the women today are nothing at all like most of the women were in the past that were very much the very complete opposite compared to the women of today. There are many of us very good men that would really want to get married again which i am sure many others will agree with me as well.

    • Avatar of Ani


      Well I get your poin. And there are so many nice and beautiful girls who want a relationship as well as marriage and children. Since the society wants it from women. I’m sure you’ll find a loving and committed woman who will just be perfect for you. And also don’t worry about your age that’s not a big deal. Good luck ?

      • Avatar of The Honest Truth

        The Honest Truth

        Thank you for your support.

  6. Avatar of The Honest Truth

    The Honest Truth

    Well i am Not Single by choice for a good man like me that really had hoped that i was going to meet the Right Good Woman for me to settle down with to have a family which it still unfortunately hasn’t happened yet for me since i will very much admit that i really Hate to still be Single And Alone today when i really Should’ve Never been at all in the first place. It is a very bad time for many of us men that were really hoping for a love life since we really have No Reason at all to ever Blame ourselves to begin with since the times today have really Changed since the old days when real true love came very easy back then which really made it happen as well. And online dating is a real big joke today trying to find love which in the old days there were much easier methods finding love the way that our family members had it since they were very blessed in those days. And since the women of today are very much different which makes it very difficult for many of us good men really looking for a good relationship since most women nowadays just can’t commit to just only one man anymore and are sleeping around with all different kinds of men all the time which certainly adds to the problem for many of us men that would just want only One Good Woman to be with all the time to make us really very happy. So it is really the women of today that have really caused this mess in the first place unfortunately. And it is very sad for many of us men that just keep meeting the Wrong Type Of Women all the time as well.

    • Avatar of Monet Brooks

      Monet Brooks

      you shouldn’t even be on here. you’re not single.

  7. Avatar of Not Single By Choice

    Not Single By Choice

    Well for many of us good men out there that are certainly not single by choice, we can really blame the women of today for that one.

  8. Avatar of Just Some Girl

    Just Some Girl

    I’ve been single by choice pretty much my whole life. Im not going to disclose my age but I am an adult. I’ve been asked out before and most recently by someone who I was really captivated by and attracted to and i said no. I will admit it did hurt (and perhaps him too).

    Im not confident enough entirely with myself especially physically to try to be in a relationship. So i have convinced myself that I can be single and happy (not much convincing necessary though) ill admit its a bit hard at times because i am not asexual those feelings do emmerge but i learn to contain them. That being said Im happy to venture out by myself, eat alone etc. and I feel like i am much happier this way even though i dont truly know what i am missing out on.

    • Avatar of Angel


      Your comment… I really resonated with it. I grew up chasing boys. They never wanted me. It wasn’t until now, being 31 that I realize that I am much more comfortable being single. Somehow, I’ve come to realize that whenever I think of being in a relationship, I feel completely inadequate and get very anxious, which doesn’t happen when I think of being single. I have never been in a relationship, not by choice though, so I don’t know exactly what I may be missing out on, but most of my female friends are partnered and to be honest, most of those relationships seem… Meh, to me. I don’t know. I think for me to fall in love, a very special sort of man has to come my way, and I just don’t see that happening. It’s not that I think there aren’t good men out there. There certainly are: my dad, my male friends, all wonderful men I love. It’s just… I don’t think there’s a fit for me. I realize that being single is not as awful as some people think it is and I’m discovering how much fun it is to cherish my friends and my family and myself as an individual and a woman working her way to a better life on her own. I’m not entirely closed off to ever being partnered, but I don’t see that happening…

  9. Avatar of The Truth

    The Truth

    I’m a good man. I was the faithful one in both marriages. My wives both happened to be losers since they were the ones that cheated on me. Now, I’m currently in a good relationship with a very nice woman.But I will certainly not get married again. It would be very scary for me to do it for a third time all over again. And she very much agrees with me as well.

  10. Avatar of Tim


    But what happens if you are Not single by choice?

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