Why Women Marry Late

There was a time in my life when I felt like it was a given that I’d have children. I never really considered that I had other options. But, as I grow older, I’m starting to re-think that. Like so many other women, I’m realizing that modern women have other choices, and the pros of marrying late are starting to outweigh the cons.

So much so, in fact, that the average age of women’s (first) marriage has been pushed back from the average age of 23 years old in 1981 to between 30 and 33 years old across Europe (in America it’s still only 27). Emphasis is placed on “first marriage” as we all know how marriages have become nowadays, that is, simply defined by a piece of paper that can easily be retracted in most territories. But that’s another story.

Case in point, recently wed Kate Middleton got married to Prince William at 29 years old, in great contrast to her would-have-been mother in law Lady Diana Spencer, who entered marriage at 20 years.

“Life Begins At 30″

In the popular HBO series “Sex and the City,” the main characters were in their mid-30s to early-40s, all single and making the life of the solo-flighter the most fashionable thing next to the color black. As the series closed, however, the ideals of marriage and partnership resurfaced, with Carrie Bradshaw finally getting the fairytale wedding she had been wanting deep inside all along. Which leads us to the question: after all the “You go girl!” attitude thrown about, where and how does marriage fit in with our end goals?

Women are entering a new age, and the definition of what it means to be a women is constantly evolving. Education and career are top priorities for many a modern women, and many feel that they are too “busy”, or preoccupied with their life goals, to start a family. And why not? Many women feel that living a life full of travel, adventure, and career advancement is more fulfilling and fun — and less stressful — than a traditional lifestyle.

Why Marry Late, If At All?

Psychologists say that the main reason women are marrying at a later time is because they want independant success. Pressures at work, more interesting lifestyle choices and industrialization play huge roles in convincing women that there is certainly more to life than getting into a marriage. Many women have come to the very rational decision that it’s a worthwhile life choice to delay marriage in order to further explore the world and their careers.

Aside from marrying late, more women are also resigned to either not having children at all, or going it alone when it comes to rearing children, skipping the rites of marriage altogether and raising kids sans a partner. At any one time, around 25% of mothers are single mothers, with some 50% of today’s moms spending some time as the sole custodial parent.

Is Success a Factor?

Studies have shown that the timing of one’s first marriage is often linked to the attractiveness of the alternatives to marrying at the time the proposal is offered. Thus, when the woman sees that she still has many options, and the alternatives are still viable and stable, marriage is delayed. Online dating is changing this landscape, because women can now, fairly easily, find partners at pretty much any age.

For example, a woman who is about to get promoted to senior partner at a law firm after 10 years of waiting may opt for the promotion first and then marriage some two to three years after — if the offer is still on the table, that is. Of course, there is no question to the level of happiness and satisfaction afforded by both a career promotion and being with your one true love; unfortunately, though, these two compete for one very scarce resource: time. Professional women, particularly those holding top positions, are bound to have very little time and higher expectations from their relationships.

Hollywood celebrities are not immune to the professional success = late marriage trend. Elizabeth Hurley was 42 when she married Arun Nayar, an Indian businessman (but divorced him three years after); Sandra Bullock married Jesse James at 41 (and then divorced after a year); Salma Hayek tied the knot also at 41 with French billionaire Francois Henri-Pinault (they’re still together!); Renee Zellweger didn’t say “I do” until she was 36 to country singer Kenny Chesney (but, sigh, divorced after just four months); TV personality Rachael Ray married lawyer and The Cringe band frontman John Cusimano at 37 (also still together!)

Running Against The Clock

While marriage is mainly borne out of a decision to finally settle down with just one person, regardless of age, there is one thing that women cannot force-delay: the biological clock. Naturally, women are best fit to conceive and give birth to healthy babies until the age of 40, after which the risks related with pregnancy rapidly increase. But, hey, with modernity prevailing in the minds of females nowadays, the quick answer to the body’s inability to get pregnant is adoption, which is widely accepted. And there’s also the option of freezing your eggs. Or, if you’re really sure you want kids, why wait for marriage to have a baby? Ah, times have, indeed, changed!