Advice I'd Give My 20-Something Self


Advice for My 20-Something Self

If I could give my younger self some advice, I’d tell her this…


Advice for My 20-Something Self

4. You’re going to change a lot in your 20’s.

Try new things. Experiment. Meditate. Travel. Read self-help books. Do everything you can to grow as a person and figure out what is truly important to you at your core. It’s not about owning more stuff or having good hair! It’s okay to outgrow and change your friends if you discover that they aren’t maturing as people and don’t have decent values.

Advice for My 20-Something SelfIt’s also important to remember that with every year that passes, as you grow and evolve, you’ll get much clearer on what you’re looking for in life, friendships and your career. What you need in a boyfriend will also change dramatically.

5. Sex clouds things.

When I was single, if I was interested in dating a guy, I waited at least a few weeks, often longer, before getting naked with him. I waited until I knew he wasn’t seeing anyone else, and until I felt 110% comfortable. You may not want to admit it, but chemicals are released in our brains when we have sex with someone, and they create a false feeling of closeness. Get to know someone first, so you can see if they’re even worth being with. A good guy who cares about you absolutely will not pressure you, so if a guy does, you should drop him immediately, because he’s only after one thing.

6. Stay open.

Don’t be closed-minded. If someone has a different opinion than you, genuinely listen to it. They might be ill-informed, or they might have different values than yours, or they might actually modify your opinion on a topic. Either way, part of growing is staying open and keeping your ideas somewhat fluid. That said, if someone says something based on contempt, feel free to tell them to shut the hell up.

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A writer, artist, and designer since she was young enough to put pencil to paper, Hilary taught herself code and created Urbanette when she was a teenager. Currently, she lives in Monte Carlo, but spent the past decade living in NYC, still considers herself a New Yorker, and visits regularly. She's always traveling, looking for hot new topics, destinations, and life hacks to bring to Urbanette readers.

Reader Discussion: 79 Comments

  1. My advice for my 20-year-old self is, FUCKING STUDY! I regretted my waste of time when I was in my early 20’s. I neglected studies and wasted my life in a low paying job and burning it all in alcohol and vices. I suck i know but i turned a new leaf and have been sober for 5 years now.

  2. cassy white

    if I can advise my 20-year-old self. I’d probably beat her senseless and say “don’t be lazy! that big paying job won’t make you happy work on your passion and stick with it”

  3. Most important line written in history: DON’T WASTE ENERGY STRESSING ABOUT ANYONE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MARRY.

  4. Alexa Falquet

    I am 20. I like reading a lot of articles on the similar topic because I am trying to learn from other’s perspective on life and experience. This one is special because it formulated as a warm advice. You made me consider voting for the first time in my life. I tried meditating once. It helped me immensely, and now I have the motivation to do it regularly. By the way, I’m bookmarking this! 😀

  5. Hannah S

    Really touching advice — and so on-target! I wish I’d known these things when I was younger…

  6. Jenny Garett

    I wish it wasn’t too late for me to follow your wonderful advice and to make one for myself. You know, i want to share an read this to younger people today. It was definitely exhale worthy and touched a part of my soul that needed to hear it. Thank you for this beautiful post. I like your list very much.

    • Thanks! It’s never too late to make positive changes and try to grow as a person. I’m always trying to grow — every day…

  7. Merry Robinson

    Loved all the advice. Brilliant! 🙂 I really enjoyed this article because it made me think. I really see where you are coming from and I connect with every advice you said. I want to read this to everyone I know. Great list, some real wisdom to be found. love lots! 🙂

  8. Elsie Spurlock

    This is a great article. After reading, I instantly felt relieved of some of my stresses and inspired to be thankful and happy. Accepting the things you can’t change is utterly important. If you start accepting the things you can’t change then you start accepting the people who won’t change. Thank you Hilary, it was good indeed, especially the last page which was the best.

  9. Kimberly Vigil

    These are not the regular tips/advice. You approached the issue from a different dimension. It was really great actually, my fave are nos. 1 & 3. Perfect to have all of this in one place. Thanks, Hilary!

  10. Esther Earl Harris

    Very well explained article! inspiring and interesting. one must read it! (:

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