Are 'Taken' Men Sexier? - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


Are ‘Taken’ Men Sexier?

It’s human nature to covet what we can’t have…


The man sitting across from me is in every single woman’s husband wish list: smart, charming, attractive, successful. His style of dress is very GQ, and his conservative suit with the artsy purple tie tells women he is responsible yet spontaneous. The gold band around his ring finger reflects the harsh light of the commuter rail — blinding, but not binding. So what if he’s married? His wife is no more real to me than Santa Claus. Like many women, I want the unattainable man. But what is it that makes the unattainable so desirable?

Are ‘Taken’ Men Sexier?

It’s human nature to covet what we can’t have. When we diet and restrict certain types of food, the desire for what is denied us becomes unbearable. The taken man is the chocolate cake of dating — sinful yet simultaneously irresistible.

Women also love to compete with each other for “the best man,” or in this case, “the groom.” A man who’s in a serious relationship with someone must have a lot to offer. The fact that he’s so desired by someone else makes him all the more attractive to the single woman.

Also, a committed man is appealing for just that reason: he’s committed to a relationship. In this day and age where most men fear the “Big C” more than a root canal without pain-killers, the committed man is a rare gem. What women tend to forget is that that same attribute which makes them attractive isn’t very compatible with their intent to lead them astray.

Are ‘Taken’ Men Sexier?

Women have been trained, since childhood (think: Disney) to compete with each other…

There’s also the other woman to think about. It’s one thing to get involved with a man who slips his ring in his back pocket every time a cute pair of Manolos walk by, but it’s quite another to knowingly pursue someone who’s clearly marked territory. Being cheated on hurts, and if getting a lump of coal in your stocking isn’t enough to deter you, then the guilt you’d feel after intentionally causing his wife pain definitely should be.

Are ‘Taken’ Men Sexier?I’ve never been the man-stealing type, but I’ve certainly had more than a few friends who were all-too-eager to throw their panties in the ring. Some did it for a narcissistic ego-boost (if I can tear him away from his wife and kids then I must be really special), others did it because they have intimacy issues (if the person can’t commit to you then you don’t need to commit to them).

When you boil it all down, some people are simply competitive and some can’t resist a challenge regardless of the destructive fallout (I bet I could get you to leave them if you could have me instead).

While the pursuit of the unattainable man can be a thrilling challenge, the end result always ends up in heartache; one cannot unattach anything without ripping some seams. And in the event you are successful and end up attaining the unattainable, there is bound to be distrust on both sides.

For him, there’s the fear that you’re not the type who respects relationships, and that it might extend to your own. For you, well, you know for certain that the man you’re with has cheated at least once, but unlike Santa, will never know for certain if he’s been bad or good…

Sitting across from me in the crowded train is a man who is perfect in that innocent way that only a man in a relationship can be. My stop approaches and I get up to leave. My life is complicated enough and besides, that great suit that he’s wearing was probably laid out for him by his very real wife.


Read more: Thinking About Cheating? 12 Reasons Why You Should

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging ( and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

Reader Discussion: 166 Comments

  1. Alicia Kim

    Well, we always want what you can’t have right? When you meet someone who is unavailable you’ll tend to notice the notice the more.

  2. Flora Kennedy

    The reason we are attracted to “taken” men are, more approachable because they tend to be nicer, more gentlemen than single men. Think about single men tend to annoy us more with the catcalls than married men. We see them as better people, better husband and better fathers than single men.

  3. Dixie Hawall

    So basically women being perverts is that men are bigger perverts?

  4. Hilda Curtis

    May be they’re just being practical thinking that the married guy is already house-trained as opposed to the bachelor who hasn’t been properly domesticated yet?

  5. Ana Drake

    Personally, if I have a crush on someone and then find out they’re in a relationship, my romantic attraction for that person almost instantly vanishes. I might still like them as a person, but any affection I feel for them that moment on becomes purely platonic.

  6. Cristina Clarke

    Just to be clear if the guy I liked was married I wouldn’t date him. But to be honest there is some sort of weird thing about knowing that a guy that you find to be a suitable partner is already taken.

    • I think it’s in our nature. But our morals should dictate that not because it’s in our nature, we should act on it even if it hurts someone else. Right?

  7. Edith Glover

    Why waste time with unproven single men when they can use other women to “sort the weat from the chaff” and then steal them for themselves?

  8. Faith Lucas

    In some cases, the reason some women seek to poach married men is because that if a guy was able to get married in the first place, he must have proven himself to be prime relationship material and thus worth grabbing while in their minds, single men must be loser because if they weren’t, they would be in a relationship already.

  9. David Terry

    This is why I am here. I thought my wedding ring would repel women or at least establish that I am off the market. WRONG! It appears to attract more than repel.

    • Laurie Ryan

      True I thought the ring scares women away. Instead it reels them in. Crazy.

  10. Myron Stephens

    Any man who is already taken is an automatic turn-off for me and I will never chase one.

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