Sometimes even the best relationships have hiccups. As couples go through their ups-and-downs, it’s important not to let our ‘downs’ become disastrous. Here are a few tips to smooth the ride and avoid a breakup-worthy disaster:
1. Recognize that work can be a danger zone.
- Don’t have lunch or take coffee breaks frequently with the same person.
- Don’t get into discussions around the water cooler with co-workers that you find attractive.
- When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public, not in a room with a bed.
- At the office party, pretend the coworker who’s flirting with you has gonorrhea, then talk about your happy relationship, or better yet, talk to someone else.
2. Minimize your alcohol and drug intake when you’re not with your significant other.
Skip that third beer when you’re out with the guys, or the second martini with work colleagues. Mistakes happen more frequently when you’re not thinking clearly. We all know that unintended hookups happen when alcohol is involved. Bad ideas somehow become irresistible, and in the morning you’ll have to deal with the damaging consequences.
3. Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship.
Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours their heart out to you. Emotional disclosures are the first step to building an inappropriate emotional bond that could end up in an affair. Most affairs aren’t planned, and they’re often with people less physically attractive than their spouse.
4. Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home.
If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage, and not someone you find attractive. If the friend is knocking marriage in general, respond with something positive about your own relationship.
Cheaters say the danger developed because emotional intimacy grew over time with someone they worked with.
5. Don’t go over the line when you’re on-line with Internet friends.
Discuss your online friendships with your partner and show him/her your email if they’re interested. Invite them to join in your correspondence so your Internet friends won’t get any wrong ideas. And definitely don’t exchange sexual fantasies online (i.e., don’t be an Anthony Weiner!).
6. Keep old flames from reigniting.
If a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame.
7. Make sure your friends are supportive of your marriage.
Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don’t believe in fooling around.
I can’t begin to tell you how many women (who have boyfriends and husbands) at my job break all of these rules. They go to “lunch” with just guys or are having two martini lunches with their customers. All of these bars in Downtown are like lubrication for Infedility.
I think friends will support the marriage if they support the guy you're marrying, which occurs when they like the guy and if the guy can "hang" your friends.
Although these tips are very helpful, I think keeping things refreshing and young in a marriage is very important as well. Keep your husband interested by doing something spontaneous. That may keep him from straying away.
Prevent? Why not accept? Accept that you don’t possess your spouse and they don’t possess you.
No one is going to “follow” this. You can show it to your husband (or wife) all you like, it wont make any difference. Hundreds of years have passed and nothing has changed. Why not accept that this is the way humans are (men and women). Change your language, change your mind set, accept that we are all keen lovers. The harm is in not accepting your nature and trying to control and suppress your innate desires.
It’s so refreshing to read this. I’ve learned that real communication, honesty, openness, and willingness to express desires between partners is so much more vital to a healthy, lasting relationship than strict monogamy. It’s nice to know there are reasonable strangers on the internet.
There’s a scene in Happiness (1998 film), where the grandfather is talking to his doctor about his health, his doctor says he is doing well, as long as he stays off the salt – later you see him taking extra salt. That’s what I think you’ll do to yourself if you deny what you are too often for too long.
You are wrong.
My wife and I have both followed this basic principles and we have been happily married for 7 years.
You say “…Hundred of years have passed and nothing has changed. Why not accept that this is the way humans are…”. We didn’t have all of the social media and instant access to people the way we did hundreds of years ago. Today it only takes turning on your phone or computer to begin flirting with someone. It has only been this way for the past decade or so. Not hundreds of years. So you do have to be alert and communicative with your partner.
The one things that has not changed is that work is a danger zone. This has always been the case since it is the people we spend the most time with.
Extramarital affairs always start with one seemingly innocent dinner date or a coffee time chat, heck, even a watercooler chat. The key is to nip it at the bud when mild flirting starts.
Indeed, the work place is a danger zone!!!! I’ll let my husband read this 🙂
Great tips. If only everyone followed these, I’m sure the divorce rate wouldn’t be nearly so high.
I agree. WHen you’re married. Dont be his wife, wife. Be his mistress, wife. Get what I mean? 🙂
i think the key to a good and honest relationship is good communication and to KEEP THE FIRE BURNING. you will not have your partner look for another when you keep them happy and contented. 😉
All relationships go through their ups-and-downs; the important thing is that we don’t let our ‘downs’ become disastrous. Here are a few tips to smooth the ride. Maintain appropriate walls and windows…