I was talking to my best friend the other day, and she admitted something to me. That about a year ago, a guy she dated for a about a month gave her herpes. The shocking part was that he had an outbreak the first time they got naked and, when she asked about it, he said that it’s not a disease — that his penis had simply always had those marks on it. She trusted him and, consequently, two weeks later, she had her first outbreak of this incurable disease. When she confronted him, he denied it, but she could see on his face that he was lying. Whether his hormones took over, was too embarrassed to talk about it, or he simply wanted to feel ‘normal’, she’ll never know. At any rate, it was unfortunately too little too late, for her.
It’s not easy to accept having a STD. For those that suffer from them, it’s common to want to ignore the issue. In attempts to feel normal, some simply don’t get tested (too scary!) or knowingly continue to spread the infection or STD through unprotected sex.
Could it be, for that individual’s various personal reasons, the spread of STDs and STIs are not always accidental, but rather, deliberate?
This is not to say that those carrying infection or disease are deliberately trying to harm others. Although there have been cases of very conscious and deliberate STD spreading (apparently some feel that they’ll be more normal if others have the disease as well), this is not the norm in general.
Usually, in an effort to deal with such a serious and anxiety-ridden personal issue, continued unprotected sex is a semi-unconscious reaction. The infected person rationalizes the concern for the other person’s safety away, or simply forces one’s self not to think about it at all. As a result, there are 19 million new cases of STDs each year.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, every year, 1 out of 4 teenagers contract a sexually transmitted disease.
I mean, I get it. Coming to terms with having a STD like herpes or HIV would be so awful that I’d want to just ignore it too. It’s life changing, which is why denial of the condition easily accompanies this reality. Dishonesty runs rampant for those infected. I mean, who would want to risk their friends or colleagues finding out about their secret? Fear of rejection by family and friends is understandable.
They protect their secret because they don’t want to risk seeming unattractive, like they could be damaging to others, or because it has the possibility of making it hard to have a ‘normal’ relationship. The stigma presented by the general public is enough to encourage a carrier to hide this unfortunate truth.
People with STD’s are no different when it comes to wanting a normal life, sexual and otherwise. Most often, they do not have ill-will or a desire to deliberately spread the infection (although some misogynists have admitted to doing exactly that). Again, continued sexual intercourse without disclosure is often an emotional and unconscious reaction to a deep desire to maintain a normal life.
In attempts to feel normal, they continue to have unprotected sex and spread the disease.
Here are a few things you should know:
- Condoms protect against HIV, but not against many other STD’s like herpes and genital warts.
- If your partner has spots or sores — stay away!!
- A blood test can tell you if you have herpes.
- Herpes can be spread even without visible symptoms.
- Always use a condom.
- Look for signs of other diseases that a condom can’t protect against, like herpes.
- Ask your partner if they have a STD before you start making out (once you’re in the thick of it, they’re even less likely to be honest). But don’t trust a person just because they say they’re ‘clean’.
What it boils down to is picking partners who aren’t ‘players’ (the less sexual partners they’ve had, in theory, the lower the risk), and –I hate to say it– opting to masturbate instead of going home with that hot guy from the bar. The less partners you have, the lower your risk. Oh yeah; and do your next partner a favor — get tested!
Sex is normal nowadays. I’m not surprised with this one. Even teenagers are involved in pre-marital sex.
Having sex with a condom is irritating. I can’t feel anything when I’m having sex. That’s the reason why some people tend to take some risk in doing unprotected sex.
That jerk! He’s getting on my nerves. How can he afford to lie like that? That’s a serious illness!
Yes! Exactly. Spreading the illness is a crime. They are spreading an incurable disease.
It is hard to find if the person is carrying that disease. For safety, use protection when doing the sexual intercourse.
Sorry but anyone who has unprotected sex is asking for trouble, unless they are in a long term monogamous relationship and both have been tested more than once. Get educated!
Honey my relationship was supposed to be monogamous. I was faithful he was not. He lied and purposely infected me and is doing it to many other women. He likes to do so because he needs a harem of women so if one gets angry and leaves he can call another to take her place.
Sad but true… I think most people who found themselves infected try to deny the truth. They act normally and the tendency is they spread the disease 🙁
I agree, get tested once in a while especially if you (or your partner) have multiple "sexual partners." You'll never know… Prevention is better than cure. Be safe!
This is alarming! Thank you for the very informative article. I believe the key is “acceptance.” Though easier said than done, accepting that you have the disease will lead to getting cured, thus preventing its spread. But I understand if some people want to keep it a “secret.” It’s not easy to admit…
It's pretty hard to empathize with someone who deliberately spreads an infection. I do see where they are coming from in terms of wanting to maintain normalcy as a coping mechanism, but still. Regardless of intent, it's still an incredibly selfish move. I was once unknowingly put in a compromising position by someone. Thank goodness we were both ultimately okay, but looking back, to think that a few moments of closeness (which, by the way, could have been achieved in non-sexual ways had that actual need been expressed), were, to him, worth potentially infecting someone for the rest of their lives, makes my blood boil.
This kind of thing infuriates me. So disgusting! To deliberately give someone a disease that they will have with them for the rest of their life and could lead to complications is just unfathomable. Always be safe rather than sorry.