The first time a close friend took me aside to share some serious criticism was in 11th grade. She saw me making a mistake and tried to help me fix it. At the time, I jumped to the defensive and ignored her comments. Only with the 20/20 vision of hindsight did I realize that she was right. Our closest friends know us better than anyone, meaning that they’re the best people to help us tackle our flaws.
Taking criticism is never easy. Hearing about our own flaws tends to bring up a defensive response that has ended many a friendship in the past. But getting criticism is also the only way we can work to improve. Next time a friend tries to give you constructive advice, do your best to get what you can out of it without getting hurt.
Differentiate Between Mean And Constructive Comments
Just because a friend tries to help you, doesn’t mean she’s right. If your friend is more insulting than constructive, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. But if she takes you aside and addresses the issue with kindness and respect, recognize that she’s doing her best to help you. Hear her out.
Avoid Defensiveness
If your friend shares constructive criticism with respect, avoid getting defensive. Responding to criticism with a defensive or belligerent attitude is a sure-fire way to start an argument. Your first reaction might be to defend yourself and deny her claims, but try not to vocalize these feelings right away. Instead, thank your friend for her concern and take some distance to think things through.
Do your best to get what you can out of their advice
Respect Their Opinion
Hearing criticism is hard, but so is approaching a friend with advice. Respect that your friend has your best intentions at heart and wants to help you. Instead of harboring resentful feelings, think about what you’d do if you reversed your roles. Letting a loved one make mistakes is easy–it’s much harder to intervene, but in the end it’s the right thing to do. Hard as it might be to hear, take the advice as a sign of love. It takes a lot of courage and affection to approach someone on a sensitive topic.
Evaluate With Honesty
Before broaching the topic again, think about what your friend had to say and evaluate her opinion. Be honest with yourself—is she right? If you have questions or want to talk things out more, go to your friend for help. Likewise, if you’re feeling hurt or blindsided, now is the time to talk through those emotions.
Set Goals
Once you’ve evaluated your friend’s advice, decide how you want to use it. Form some concrete goals based on the advice you’ve received to improve yourself. No one is perfect, and criticism is the only way we can see our own flaws and work on them. Use your friend’s honesty to make new goals for self-improvement.
Avoid getting defensive so you can understand their point of view
Those close to us see us at our worst, making them the best people to turn to in times of trouble. They’re also the best people to help us better ourselves. Sensitive topics are difficult for everyone involved, but we walk away stronger, ready to strive for new goals.
It’s not easy to criticize. It takes a lot of guts. For those people who have our best interest at heart, their criticism is done in good faith. It’s meant to draw us away from or prevent more criticisms coming from people outside our support system or our circle. Friends easily criticize us because they somehow feel privileged to do it. It’s not to malign us, but to make us see that something is not right and it has to be corrected or changed.
It shouldn’t be a criticism if it’s a fact. It might be something negative, but it is a fact nonetheless. No matter how hard it would be to accept it, nothing can change the fact that it is a fact. So, we just have to deal with it. If we can change that negative fact into something positive as a result, then that would surely be a favorable outcome for us.
There’s a saying that it is hard to accept the truth, which is utterly true. some people values their pride the most and replace the truth with lies just to ignore it. It’s essential to understand reality and accept the truth so that one can get back to leading his/her life the way they really want to. I value impartiality and other people’s perspectives. For me there are two kinds of criticism, the truth and the made up(maybe the people who said it just don’t like you at all).
Fantastic advice! Of course, it’s very hard not to be “defensive.” For my part, when I receive criticisms from friends or people who have known me for so long and have seen me at my worst, their criticisms matter and I really try hard to improve. But for others, I just ignore. LOL
Great tips!!! I tend to be angry when I receive criticisms. But quite often, when I really listen and take note, I find value in them and turn them around to my advantage.
One of the things I do when I receive criticisms via email is writing back, BUT NOT SENDING IT (and I do this by editing the recipient’s email address to a wrong one as soon as I hit reply button)!!! In my reply email, I get out all my anger and frustration. After, I can actually take criticisms lighter and positively!
“Don’t get mad.” “Take criticisms as constructive points.” Well, easier said than done. I have this in mind but I must admit, I still feel mad when I receive criticisms.
I guess what makes the difference is the “tone” of voice of the critic(s). If comments are made in a nice tone, then I don’t have problems, but if it’s otherwise, oh! …. no comment with an eyebrow raised. LOL
I usually respond to criticisms with silence. More often than not, wondering why that a criticism was made. I just believe that silence is much better response than defensiveness, anger or walking away.
It is “ethical” to “thank” the person offering criticisms. More often than not, they’re coming from a “place” wanting to help. But of course, saying “thanks” takes courage.
Everyone is entitled to own opinion. So instead of being defensive (and in a fighting mood), respond rationally and calmly. I’d suggest that you refrain from feeling mad but instead meditate and acknowledge other person’s point(s).
When I receive criticisms, I ask myself why that criticism was made. Is the person trying to help or make things better? Is the person suggesting positive improvements? Or is the person just mean, jealous or in a rude mood?
In my evaluation, I usually see that there is validity in the criticism but I make sure that it won’t let me down, instead take it to help me improve. But of course, it’s never easy to admit that I’m not perfect!
Very well-written! When I was younger (and well, immature), I can’t help but get mad when I receive criticisms. But of course, life experiences taught me a different perspective — never ever respond to a critic in anger!
Based on experience and faults from my past, I teach my daughter how to handle criticisms and how to make them constructive. Of course, there’s always a room for improvement. Not because someone criticized us means we are at our worst, stop and meditate, that “someone” might be challenging us to be better or be at our best 🙂