One of my close friends from college once told me that the most appealing thing to him is when he sees a girl out by herself–just having a coffee, reading or working–and having a great time. He explained that it’s a huge turn-on if she’s comfortable enough with herself to be alone and enjoy it.
As an introvert, he may have been a little biased, but I think he makes a great point. For one thing, if we already love and appreciate ourselves then we won’t feel the need to constantly agonize over whether others are validating us, which makes for much easier, healthier, and less stressful relationships. Heck, it makes for an easier life in general! Not to mention, self-love has a way of shining through and attracting the right people to you. And the love you have for yourself is a pretty strong indicator of your ability to love other people.
Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
It’s cliché but true: you have to love you before you can expect to love another person. Like, really, really love another person. No matter how wonderful and doting your partner is, ultimately that person is going to do something you really wish they hadn’t. When that happens, you’re going to be faced with the realization that you’re dealing with a human being–a human being that is just as flawed as your family, your friends, the people you love as much as the people you hate, and you yourself.
The way in which you deal with these “shortcomings” will largely be defined by how you deal with your own shortcomings. If you are loving and accepting of yourself in spite of your flaws, you are likely to react with that same love and acceptance towards others. However, if you are disdainful and unforgiving towards yourself, expecting perfection at every turn, then guess what? That’s exactly how you’re going to treat your partner.
If you want to find love, you need to find a way to love you. Your version of self-love doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s. You might want to practice yoga and meditation, or take the time each day to read a novel, or treat yourself to a bubble bath. Don’t be afraid to indulge or be a little silly. This is about becoming the best, most secure and vibrant you. So play. Try something new. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as it makes you feel cared for, worthy and in control of your own destiny because you absolutely are! Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
By the way, the point is not to get a boyfriend. If you do loving things for yourself hoping that this will attract a man who will then take over, don’t kid yourself. Self-love, like many popular versions of romantic love, is a lifelong commitment. If you’re only doing it to attract a guy, it’s not going to work. The idea that prince (or princess), charming is going to save you or transform your life in some grand way is not only unrealistic. I’d argue that it’s overrated. Romantic love can certainly be wonderful, magical, and perhaps even transforming, but it works best when both partners have a sturdy foundation to build on. This is not the picture of love that the media or the entertainment industry would like us to have, but it is a picture grounded in reality.
Practicing self-love is its own reward. Remember that this time, before marriage or children or even a serious relationship, is one of the few periods in your life when you are able to indulge, spend time alone, and take care of yourself to the extent that you’re able to right now. It won’t be this way forever. Cherish it.
How do you practice self-love? Share your stories with us below!
Self-love sounds easy, but it’s far more complicated than it seems. I think the ways of how people should love themselves differ from one person to another. Others need more than just bubble baths.
I think you’re right. I personally don’t think bubble baths are enough for me. Sometimes I need numerous nights of trying to deal with negative feelings and trying to take care of myself isn’t the easiest. Most of the time it feels like I need more than just self-love that I need.
I always teach self-love to my daughter. However, it’s such a fine line between selfishness which is very hard to balance.
In the end, the only person that can save you is yourself. Others won’t do it for you and you have to accept that fact. They may be there to support you or help you get through it, but they won’t do the job for you. A lot of relationships fail because they think that it’s an equation of a 1+1=2, when in fact there isn’t even any equation involved because it’s just YOU. People fail to see that individuality plays a major role in loving yourself and learning to love others. It’s not because others shouldn’t play a role in loving yourself, but more of a stepping stone towards being able to love others the right way.
It is really attractive when you meet someone who is capable of taking care of themselves instead of always depending on other people.
Life can be so hectic most of the time and we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. ☹️ It’s sad but true, but I think it’s why there are a lot of cases of depression lately.
It feels so good to take care of yourself sometimes. Even if it’s just bathing in warm water, lighting up candles, sipping wine or hot chocolate… It’s amazing.❤️
There’s a saying that if you’re broken, you’ll attract broken people too. I really agree because there was a time that I was in a “dark” place and most of the time, I’d be talking to people who are also in a dark place. I was toxic, they were toxic as well. I think you really have to learn how to deal with your own problems too before you can add another person to your life. Sometimes broken people need to heal first before they can fully enjoy the extent of loving another person in return– the right person.
Yes, people need to heal first before they can learn to love others.
When we’re overworking or saying bad things about ourselves, we forget that self-love is important.
Every morning when you wake up, face the mirror and say these words to your self. “Haters gonna hate, I do me better than they do themselves. Word won’t hurt me if it hurts I’ll just break their jaws so it would hurt them to”
Perfect timing. A really brave call you made here. This deeply resonates with me, thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Sometimes life can be so confusing, and it’s nice to read words that cut right through to the soul and address the truth like this one. Thank you. 🙂 🙂