One of my close friends from college once told me that the most appealing thing to him is when he sees a girl out by herself–just having a coffee, reading or working–and having a great time. He explained that it’s a huge turn-on if she’s comfortable enough with herself to be alone and enjoy it.
As an introvert, he may have been a little biased, but I think he makes a great point. For one thing, if we already love and appreciate ourselves then we won’t feel the need to constantly agonize over whether others are validating us, which makes for much easier, healthier, and less stressful relationships. Heck, it makes for an easier life in general! Not to mention, self-love has a way of shining through and attracting the right people to you. And the love you have for yourself is a pretty strong indicator of your ability to love other people.
Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
It’s cliché but true: you have to love you before you can expect to love another person. Like, really, really love another person. No matter how wonderful and doting your partner is, ultimately that person is going to do something you really wish they hadn’t. When that happens, you’re going to be faced with the realization that you’re dealing with a human being–a human being that is just as flawed as your family, your friends, the people you love as much as the people you hate, and you yourself.
The way in which you deal with these “shortcomings” will largely be defined by how you deal with your own shortcomings. If you are loving and accepting of yourself in spite of your flaws, you are likely to react with that same love and acceptance towards others. However, if you are disdainful and unforgiving towards yourself, expecting perfection at every turn, then guess what? That’s exactly how you’re going to treat your partner.
If you want to find love, you need to find a way to love you. Your version of self-love doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s. You might want to practice yoga and meditation, or take the time each day to read a novel, or treat yourself to a bubble bath. Don’t be afraid to indulge or be a little silly. This is about becoming the best, most secure and vibrant you. So play. Try something new. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as it makes you feel cared for, worthy and in control of your own destiny because you absolutely are! Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
By the way, the point is not to get a boyfriend. If you do loving things for yourself hoping that this will attract a man who will then take over, don’t kid yourself. Self-love, like many popular versions of romantic love, is a lifelong commitment. If you’re only doing it to attract a guy, it’s not going to work. The idea that prince (or princess), charming is going to save you or transform your life in some grand way is not only unrealistic. I’d argue that it’s overrated. Romantic love can certainly be wonderful, magical, and perhaps even transforming, but it works best when both partners have a sturdy foundation to build on. This is not the picture of love that the media or the entertainment industry would like us to have, but it is a picture grounded in reality.
Practicing self-love is its own reward. Remember that this time, before marriage or children or even a serious relationship, is one of the few periods in your life when you are able to indulge, spend time alone, and take care of yourself to the extent that you’re able to right now. It won’t be this way forever. Cherish it.
How do you practice self-love? Share your stories with us below!
I’m already on my 30’s yet I’m still single. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a lovely woman only to end up being heartbroken just because I didn’t give myself time to love myself first.
Once you get used to practicing self-love, it will come easy and it won’t be like a task anymore.? You just have to kee doing it.
Love is transformative but I don’t think it’s enough most of the time. Love is meant to be good but we have to realize that there’s only so much that love can do for us.
Same sentiments. I don’t always think that love will solve things like this.
Self-love is really important. Honestly, it took me forever to realize that. It took me ages to realize that sometimes, it’s me who’s the priority and not other people. I don’t think it’s selfish to love yourself more than others sometimes but not in a conceited way. When you practice self-love, you’ll also start to realize that you deserve more and that you shouldn’t settle for less. In time, it will be easy for you to let go of people who aren’t good for you as well. Self-love has a lot of benefits and it will all come easy.
Amazing article. I realized a lot of things that I haven’t been doing and it also explained a lot about my behavior towards other people.
We’re all flawed beings but it doesn’t mean that we should be too hard on ourselves.?
This is so accurate. Haven’t you guys ever wondered why is it that when one person in the relationship is toxic, in the long run, the other would end up being toxic as well? It’s because it’s never true that a person can fix you when you’re not your best. It’s only you who can fix yourself once you decide that it’s what you really need. When you’re with people who are toxic, you are bound to go that path because it was never meant for that person’s path to be fixed by you.
I used to have a girlfriend who always needed building up and it was so tiring. We both have our fair share of problems to deal with yet I felt like I was trying to carry her behind my back along with my other baggages. It wasn’t a good feeling and eventually the relationship had to end whether I liked it or not.
I also had the same experience before. We can’t save them even if we wanted to.
Loving yourself should come naturally if you decide that you want to love yourself. If you don’t think of it highly that you need self-love, it will be difficult to achieve it.?
I agree with this article. I can be hard on myself sometimes and I’m the same way towards my partner whether I like it or not. The way I see my own insecurities serve as a looking glass to the way I see my partner. The things I lack are most of the things I demand of him. I know it’s not right and I try my best to be self-aware, but this article is making me realize that maybe I need more time alone in order to be aware of the things that I need to work on before I enter a relationship that’s not doomed to fail.