One of my close friends from college once told me that the most appealing thing to him is when he sees a girl out by herself–just having a coffee, reading or working–and having a great time. He explained that it’s a huge turn-on if she’s comfortable enough with herself to be alone and enjoy it.
As an introvert, he may have been a little biased, but I think he makes a great point. For one thing, if we already love and appreciate ourselves then we won’t feel the need to constantly agonize over whether others are validating us, which makes for much easier, healthier, and less stressful relationships. Heck, it makes for an easier life in general! Not to mention, self-love has a way of shining through and attracting the right people to you. And the love you have for yourself is a pretty strong indicator of your ability to love other people.
Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
It’s cliché but true: you have to love you before you can expect to love another person. Like, really, really love another person. No matter how wonderful and doting your partner is, ultimately that person is going to do something you really wish they hadn’t. When that happens, you’re going to be faced with the realization that you’re dealing with a human being–a human being that is just as flawed as your family, your friends, the people you love as much as the people you hate, and you yourself.
The way in which you deal with these “shortcomings” will largely be defined by how you deal with your own shortcomings. If you are loving and accepting of yourself in spite of your flaws, you are likely to react with that same love and acceptance towards others. However, if you are disdainful and unforgiving towards yourself, expecting perfection at every turn, then guess what? That’s exactly how you’re going to treat your partner.
If you want to find love, you need to find a way to love you. Your version of self-love doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s. You might want to practice yoga and meditation, or take the time each day to read a novel, or treat yourself to a bubble bath. Don’t be afraid to indulge or be a little silly. This is about becoming the best, most secure and vibrant you. So play. Try something new. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as it makes you feel cared for, worthy and in control of your own destiny because you absolutely are! Become your own best advocate. It will make you feel amazing, and it will show potential partners that you value yourself enough to do it.
By the way, the point is not to get a boyfriend. If you do loving things for yourself hoping that this will attract a man who will then take over, don’t kid yourself. Self-love, like many popular versions of romantic love, is a lifelong commitment. If you’re only doing it to attract a guy, it’s not going to work. The idea that prince (or princess), charming is going to save you or transform your life in some grand way is not only unrealistic. I’d argue that it’s overrated. Romantic love can certainly be wonderful, magical, and perhaps even transforming, but it works best when both partners have a sturdy foundation to build on. This is not the picture of love that the media or the entertainment industry would like us to have, but it is a picture grounded in reality.
Practicing self-love is its own reward. Remember that this time, before marriage or children or even a serious relationship, is one of the few periods in your life when you are able to indulge, spend time alone, and take care of yourself to the extent that you’re able to right now. It won’t be this way forever. Cherish it.
How do you practice self-love? Share your stories with us below!
Great words. I need this right now. I’ve been struggling to love myself even if others think it’s easy. I was in an abusive relationship before and it made me question about who I really am and how I see myself. During those years I was in that relationship I could barely keep my emotions afloat and I was so down. I forgot how to take care of myself and love myself. It’s been a year and a half since then and I have yet to recover from all the emotional damage it has caused me. But every day is one step towards recovery and self-love.?
Be strong and keep your head up high. You can get through this!
Self-love is synonymous to a lot of things and is a pre-requisite of deeper love. 100% TRUE AND ACCURATE.
This is what I teach my kids all the time. In a society that’s full of hatred and judging other people, they need to know that self-love is the root of all love.
Oh enough talk about prince and princesses. I’ve grown mature enough to realize that there is no prince that would save a damsel in distress like me. I also realized that if there’s anyone that could save me from myself, it’s me. It’s not an easy task to love yourself enough to dismiss negative feelings. But it’s worth the try. Self-love isn’t a one-time thing, it really is a journey that we all need to keep doing. That ‘want’ so love ourselves more also needs to come from our own heart and not just because we feel obligated to.
Be strong when you love yourself. Because you can encounter a lot of obstacles while you’re doing it.
Please don’t forget that self-love is also synonymous to trying your best to not get affected when other people pull you down. ?
True, this is very important for all of us to remember. Know your worth and don’t let others trample on it.
I have a friend who’s having a hard time dealing with his own feelings and issues. I told him that maybe instead of looking for a girlfriend or someone to love, he should just spend more time alone thinking his feelings through and dealing with his issues. He wouldn’t listen because he thinks that being alone drives him twice as crazy. But by the way he tells his stories, it seems like he’s not attracting women who are serious or women who aren’t in the same state as him. He needs to learn it the hard way, I guess.
Self-love truly is rewarding. It’s a very simple thing that you have to practice everyday and you’ll learn to do it for yourself habitually in time.
If you can’t love yourself, it’s really impossible to love others. If you can’t appreciate yourself, how can you appreciate others? It’s as simple as that. Work on yourself first.
It doesn’t mean that you will become selfish if you try loving yourself more. It just means that you will take care of yourself while you take care of others. It just means that you won’t ignore your needs while you cater to the needs of others. It just means that you will love yourself while you’re loving others. Others think that loving yourself is bad because the world doesn’t just revolve around you. When in fact, the world doesn’t revolve around other people as well so it’s best to just balance everything out. Love yourself, love others.