Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
So what are you gonna say about a lady who takes her man for granted by starving him of sex, claiming she doesn’t enjoy it but still claiming that she loves him??
Keep each one's independence. Always make sure you have time for yourself (alone or with your own set of friends) and give him his time (to spend alone or with his set of friends).
Any guy that you have to do this stuff for isn't worth anything. A guy who's really into you won't want you to be aloof. He certainly won't take you for granted. He'll want to spend all his time with you. If a guy's taking you for granted now, it'll only get worse later. Get out while you can!
I actually have to agree with you on this! I was dating a guy who I gave plenty of space and I have even been unavailable to him from time to time (because no one is ALWAYS available) and he STILL treated me like this. So I got rid of him and dumped him. This isn’t about you and what you need to do more or less of, it’s about a man who is choosing not to choose you…PERIOD. He has made it up in his mind (for whatever reason that doesn’t matter) that you aren’t important enough for him. Sure, he may regret it, because most men really don’t know what they have until it’s gone but it doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t see you as a priority. Men know that if you want a women you have to work to keep her around. They are not dumb! A man who isn’t working doesn’t care if you are around or not.
Before marriage, men always do “special” and “out of the box” surprises. But after marriage, they’re all gone. And most of the time, men tend to do things that will make us suspicious (whether they’re conscious about it or not).
I personally think that after marriage, the element of surprise is gone. A couple going out on a date always try to surprise each other, after marriage this is somehow lost. Familiarity breeds boredom. So learn to change routines!
EXACTLY!! I particular dislike when people get into relationships and only surround their life around their spouse. Yes you guys are in a relationship but have your own life too. Do things by yourself, go out, meet up with your friends you haven't spoke to in years. Have your own hobbies. Spending time away from your spouse makes you guys actually miss each other more.
Love this!
Men always say they hate it when women become manipulative but most of the time, it’s THEM that force us to be manipulative.
When a guy takes me for granted, I go out a lot at night with my girlfriends. It usually works! The guys I date will come crawling back. I guess it’s because men are naturally competitive and territorial. So when they feel as though their “property” is slipping out of their hands, they will hold on to it.
I totally agree with you! I used to be my boyfriend’s “doormat” (if I may claim), but when I started flirting with other men and he found out, the tables turned. LOL!
Great Points!!! A month ago, I felt I’m being taken for granted. I communicated the matter (my feelings) with my partner and now I can already see that things are getting better.
You did well. That’s always useful to communicate. But also I think you should keep your own secret garden and never change a time you were supposed to spend with yourself for something else because you’re in a relationship 🙂