As technology evolves, so does the dating game. The good news is the modern gal isn’t without plenty of available bachelors right at her fingertips, literally. With one single tap of her phone, she has access to hundreds and hundreds of single men. The bad news, however, is that men and women judge books by their cover more than ever. Dating apps have become the libraries of single men and women who you can rent to take out, and the smartphone is the library card.
Tinder: The New Rule to the Online Dating Game
In the past, websites like Match.com, eHarmony and OKCupid were the top resources for online dating. Then, Tinder came along and transformed digital dating with its quick and simple swipe interface. Forget filling out pages of a relationship questionnaire or reading profiles to find a potential match. With Tinder, it comes down to a glance at a single picture to determine a person’s worthiness of romantic pursuit (or one-night hook-up).
The dating mobile app is predicted to have nearly 50 million active users with 12 million matches. The app processes more than a billion swipes per day, and users spend about 90 minutes a day on the app, which surpasses the average time spent on Facebook. Not only is the swipe-style dating app popular and growing, but it’s addictive.
An Unkind & Unrealistic Dating Landscape
Tinder presents a treacherous dating territory. You grow accustomed to easy access to hundreds of singletons, and there’s always potential for the next one to be more appealing and more attractive. Even while on a date, the high of a match can be more exciting to pursue than a true connection with real potential in person.
For example, a man in hot pursuit of “the next best thing” can mindlessly and unapologetically dispose of the person he’s currently dating or even just talking to. Known as “ghosting,” a disinterested man (or woman) drops communication and disappears without a trace, let alone an explanation. The options are endless, and everyone is merely just a profile, not a person.
Before you judge a man guilty of ghosting, think about how the phone screen also protects you. The dating world can be harsh, especially with the advent of dating through a mobile app that determines your eligibility based on the two L’s — looks and location. It’s no wonder you feel pressure to curate the perfect profile picture that makes you seem flawless. Competition in the dating game is fierce. To compete, you need a killer selfie, laid-back sense of humor, interest in fitness and football, perfectly timed wit and “cool girl” attitude.
Stay Positive, He’s Out There
If you’re exasperated and exhausted with the modern dating culture, don’t lose hope. According to research by the Pew Research Center, 59 percent of Americans believe online dating is a good way to meet people. However, 88 percent of people (including myself) met their partner without the help of a digital platform. In other words, you should mix and match it up. Ask your friends to set you up. Keep looking for the one, both online and offline, with these dating tips:
- Snap a selfie: Women who post selfies receive 4 percent more messages, claims a Zoosk study. Embrace your iPhone as a first-impression tool and capture spontaneous moments while out and about. You don’t have to pose in front of the mirror with pouty lips to attract a man, either. Live your life and snap a selfie during your happiest and most authentic moments.
- Make new friends: A hot and heated hookup is romantic, but sometimes the most successful relationships grow from a trusting friendship. Expand your social circle over a shared interest, such as joining a running or hiking club. Meetup offers a wide range of groups for people to meet others without the pressure of romance and impressing one another. Create friendships and a date may just become an unexpected outcome.
- Be present and open: Invest in online and offline dating by being present and giving everyone a fair chance. Focus on the person you’re interested in and ditch your own superficial cues. Also, be aware of when you may need to take a break from the dating app. If your head is constantly down with your face to the screen, you may be missing out on opportunities for real-life interactions that could lead to love.
Hilary‘s tip: “Don’t ever give up, and don’t ever settle! I was so close to resigning myself to either being single forever, or moving to a smaller city in hopes of finding more genuine guys there. Luckily, I have always been of the mindset that it’s better to be single than with someone who’s wrong for me, because I’d just broken up with a guy when a friend set me up on a blind date. I was so apathetic about dating at that point that I blew him off a couple of times before finally meeting him. Our first date was three hours long and we were engaged in just about a month. After years of bad first dates and two-faced men, I really didn’t see that coming!”
Want more? Check out an educated comparison of the top dating sites, one woman’s Internet dating experience, and a fun and adventurous guide to speed dating. You can also learn why you can’t find love in NYC, or how to hook (& keep) a real man.
Social media has killed social skills. People don’t know how to talk to each other any more. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I get an email or text with “hey babe”, or “fancy a pint?” If that’s all the effort you’re going to put in (first impression) it gives me a pretty good idea just how lazy you’re going to be in all other aspects of a relationship.
if everybody could put their mobile phones down and stop pretending to all their virtual mates that they have amazing life’s and great relationships – they might end up with amazing life’s and great relationships. imagine that.
Back in the day you could approach someone on the street and talk to them and it was accepted, nowadays you’re seen as a creep or weirdo that’s why it doesn’t happen too much. that’s why online / mobile dating is the way these days.
After my divorce, I bit the bullet and tried a spot of online dating. I dated two men for a few months apiece which didn’t work out and several dates with some unpleasant characters obviously only after one thing and extremely reluctant to take no for an answer. Perhaps I ventured out too soon after my divorce and didn’t give it enough time, but after deciding that dating serial dating men isn’t for me, I’ve kicked online dating into the long grass. Now I’ve been on my own for a few years, I’ve found I actually don’t mind it at all. If I can bring some happiness to a nice bloke who can make me happy in return it’ll be a bonus but I no longer see it as the be all end all of life. If it’s meant to happen, it will.
There is a lot of ways now to find love, but love is not perfect, nor is the person you meet, and if you actually end up liking each other, things just may get serious, you never know!
No amount of technology will change what people want to do. If people want to find a casual sexual partner on Tinder or wherever, then they clearly already wanted a casual sexual partner anyway. If anything, the openness of these new dating apps might just make people a bit more honest and unwilling to settle for something that they don’t really want, which can only be a good thing as far as I’m concerned.
Tinder doesn’t work for those who want to connect their brains with a future partner. I’ve heard soo many stories from friends and work colleagues, male and female, wondering why relationships don’t last made from that dating app…. why? Because it’s just utilising ONE element of what makes a LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP. The other ingredient is found by getting to know someone properly…. Sadly people rush in, marry the pretty picture etc and then repent at leisure ! We know of one male aquintence who dated a series of women from Tinder and was engaged to each of them…. he kept breaking the engagements because he saw someone else that caught his eye… on Tinder. Just meet people in real life doing the things you love, it’s old fashioned.
If the romance isn’t there though it won’t go further than the first date. I do think it’s a shame that good old fashioned courtship is being lost, but that’s the way things are done now. And we should adapt to it.
My experience with online dating hasn’t been a positive one at all. I always make it clear up front that I’m interested in getting to know someone and see how things go, and people always say they’re cool with that and they’re looking for the same thing too. In reality, it’s completely the other way around. A big part of the problem is that in the old days, you had to actually go out to bars/clubs and parties, whereas now, everyone is ‘on the hunt’ around the clock on their phones/laptops, which I think creates a false sense of choice and a feeling that there’s so many people to get through in a limited time. As ever, though, quality will always trump quantity.
i believe that oldfashioned romance is dying and has been replaced by speed dating and online dating apps. I suppose it’s the next generation’s idea of a romantic liason and there is obviously a market for it, yet there is something so cold and clinical about it. The art of face to face conversation (with two people in the same room, not skyping on their computers), is also becoming rarer these days. I also love catching up with friends and I always say that I’ll meet them for dinner, but not on facebook, as it’s a poor substitute.