I can easily point out the day, date and time when I started calling myself a feminist. Two years ago I read a newspaper article about how a fourteen-year-old girl had been raped and then denied an abortion. This story angered me, it gave me shivers to know that I live in a world where people so casually deny women the right to their own bodies. It was at that moment that I decided I was a feminist, and that I hated people who wanted to take away my rights and give it to a fetus who was using my body to survive without my consent.
From that point on, I lived under a canopy of my staunch belief that people who are anti-choice do not deserve my respect. It is so easy to fold your arms across your chest and pass judgement in your mind, dividing people into two groups: for/love and against/hate. The people who do not agree with something you passionately believe in go on the side of people you detest and the ones who agree with you become your new best friends.
Then something unexpected happened. I found out that my best friend was against abortions.
She was against women having bodily autonomy and having a right to decide what they wish to do with their own bodies. This news both vexed and confused me. This was the person who always stood by me, even when I made terrible mistakes. The person who was my very first friend on my first day of elementary school. The person who would commiserate with me after each bad date.
We now stood on the opposite side of one my biggest battlegrounds. How could I simply drop this person into one of the well-divided sides in my mind? I couldn’t.
She called herself ‘pro-life’ for a reason. She was against abortion for a reason. And I hadn’t realized that everyone had a life experience, beyond what I could superficially see, that created the path to their current beliefs. When my best friend’s mother had a miscarriage, she lost her unborn sister, whom she had already started to love. I have never gone through anything like this, but I can see how it could change a person’s opinion about things.
I am feverishly against people dictating what I should do with my life. So how can I expect someone else to do what I want them to and to believe in what I think is right?
We can learn something priceless from everyone if we’re open to it. Because of my best friend’s story, I learned the power of acceptance and respect. I learned to respect the people who held beliefs that did a poor job of aligning with mine — as long as their views aren’t based on fear or hatred. I learned to ask, and learn from, the question: why?
It is because of the existence of contrasting people that the world can paint beautiful, abstract images of life. I know it’s a cliché, but life is truly lived in the gray. I do not want a world where symmetry is the only route to a good life, I do not want a world like Paris under Napoleon III. I want a world where we all can have our opinions heard, and where we all can paint the pictures of our choice.
So here are a few words to my best friend, and all those who call themselves pro-life: I respect your belief and I hope you respect mine too.
If you ask someone what they think of abortion, the answer would almost always be “It’s a bad thing!”. Then, abortion is always synonymous with pro-life and it’s very easy to assume that not agreeing to abortion always means, “Oh, he/she is pro-life because they hate abortion.” I just want to clarify that even though being pro-life generally means not supporting abortion, a person can’t always classify themselves as pro-life. Being pro-life has a lot of connotation nowadays just like feminism. It can mean something good or bad, it would highly depend on what we want to do with the vague information. But I think that’s also where the misunderstanding comes. Now, I’m wondering if you ever asked your friend why she thinks she’s pro-life. Maybe listening to her will also enlighten you about her case instead of making it seem like you hated her because of her belief despite saying you respect the opinions of others.
I love how this article isn’t aggressive. It was well-written and the opinions are on point. I hope that in the future, you will be writing more for Urbanette. I’m getting quite tired of articles that are too angry sounding.
Respect is what we all need to practice. Respect for women, respect for opinions, and respecting our bodies.
My mom was a victim of rape and I was born out of it. My mom kept it to me for years and I hated her for it. I even told her that she was selfish because I wanted to know who my father was and she denied me of it. I guess she just decided to tell me the real story because she was so hurt by the things I said. But now, all I have for my father is hate and I can’t help but feel like I hate myself too. I feel like the moment I was born, my mom was bearing the pain twice as much. I was hurting her even before I became aware of it. I look a lot like my father and everytime she looked at me, I feel like I reminded her of the trauma that she experienced. I wish I was never born. I honestly wish that she just made a better choice because hurting her unconsciously was the worst thing I’ve ever felt.
I’m sure that whatever choice your mom made, it’s because she loves you. I know it feels terrible, but always know that her love for you was stronger than any pain that she has experienced. Don’t let things like this define both of you. Stay strong and always support her!
Without people’s contrasting opinions, the world will be boring. I can’t imagine everyone agreeing with each other because there’s no fun in that! ?
I haven’t considered myself any of the two. I think I’m somewhere in between because I can’t say I’m pro-life and it could mean that I’m okay with bearing a child that was conceived because of rape.
Not sure if it’s alright to comment on something that’s directed to women since I’m obviously a dude. Some of you will say that I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman and all that blah blah blah, but I have a younger sister. If by any chance that anything like this happens to her, I would want her to have a choice. My family and I would respect her choice because it’s something that she will carry for the rest of her life. It’s not a choice between that pink or blue dress. It’s a matter of life and death for the person involved. Let them have that choice.
I am also against other people dictating what I want to do with my life, what more with my body. As long as I know that I’m making the right choice, then the opinion of others isn’t what’s important. But if by any chance I’m making the wrong choices, their opinions are always welcome. But as long as I’m not harming myself with my choices, I don’t need anyone telling me what to do.
I’m not going to unfriend a friend just because she disagrees with what I believe in. Not unless of course she’s the one who chooses to unfriend me just because she can’t accept the fact that I don’t always agree with her. She shouldn’t be my friend in the first place if that was the case.?
What’s also stupid about this pro-life shit is that they’re also not supporting the use of contraceptives. Screw you because I have PCOS and I don’t take birth control just because of unwanted pregnancy. I’m using it to manage and regulate my hormones! I use it so I don’t bleed to death for months because my period won’t freaking stop. Contraceptives aren’t just used for the sole purpose of birth control! Pro-lifers trying to get rid of contraceptive pills in the market should go dig a hole and bury themselves in it. Pro-lifers get such a bad reputation because most of you don’t consider all the factors surrounding every circumstance. F*cking stupid people.
I agree. Also, if these pro-lifers also ban family planning, since it’s basically a thing for preventing unwanted pregnancies for the sole reason of pregnancy being a choice, the population can increase drastically and it can lead to bigger problems.