What Kind of Soulmate Should You Be Looking For?

Why the soul mate you really need may not be the soul mate you’re searching for…


The last time I went out with a friend, we spent most of the night commiserating about our love lives (or, rather, the lack thereof), and the rest complaining about our mutual friend who’d all but gone MIA after meeting her latest “might be the one” boyfriend. We’d tried going to a party, but found that we’d rather spend it sitting together than socializing with other people.

What Kind of Soulmate Should You Be Looking For?

The search for love is everywhere. In our books, movies, TV shows, and in the way we talk to each other. It’s clear that romance is on our collective minds. Many of us prioritize finding love over pretty much every other aspect of our lives. Everyone searching for their soulmate wants to find that special someone so they can skip ahead to their ‘Happily Ever After’.

But why do we limit that to romance? Love, trust, great memories—they don’t have to be restricted to the sphere of romantic relationships. In this culture-split between hookups and finding love, we’ve forgotten about our friends. And yet close friendships are absolutely integral to our happiness. As we search for our soulmate, we should also be on the lookout for our friend soulmates.

The ones who can make you laugh at anything and talk you out of crying. The ones who make a supportive comment right when you expect them to take the mickey out of you. The ones who solve your life crises. The ones who know you, who have seen all your flaws and love you for them. I know it sounds nauseatingly cheesy, but are they not your soulmates too?

I met my closest friends in high school and college, and to say they’ve made my life blessed is the understatement of the year. Somewhere between the sleepovers, the excess mango-passion-fruit smoothies, and our unending enthusiasm for the same movies and books, they became my best friends and I love them more than anyone.

We’ve become so distracted by the complications of romance love that we’ve forgotten about the beauty of platonic love.

But the value of friendships is often undermined. We’ve become so distracted by our focus on romance that we’ve forgotten about the beauty of platonic love. We say things like “we’re just friends,” as though friendship was somehow a lesser form of relating to another human being. The last time I broke up with a boyfriend, the first comforting phrase I got was, “At least you have your friends.” But there’s nothing at least about my friends. They are the most beautiful parts of my life.

What Kind of Soulmate Should You Be Looking For?

My close friends and I fulfill each other in ways that I’m learning to acknowledge and appreciate. I now tell my friends that I love them, and I let them know just how much I appreciate them. We bring out the best in each other and enrich each other’s lives. That’s why focusing on your friendships is just as important as finding romance.

Take the time to talk your friends through hard times, revel in your inside jokes and shared passions, support their dreams, and keep in touch despite any distance. If you do, you’ll be rewarded with the kind of soulmate that transcends romance. It’s not the fairytale ending romantic comedies taught us to aspire to. In many ways, it’s better.

Of course, finding love is valuable and worthwhile. But don’t ever let your friends fall by the wayside because of romance. They’re just as important as your significant other. And, if you treat them right, you just might find that you have a true partner for life.

Avatar of Auriane Desombre

Born in France but raised all over the place, Auriane has wanted to write ever since she was old enough to spell her name. In her spare time she loves reading, hanging out with her best friends (even when they're not in the same time zone), and spontaneous singing with her Broadway-bound roommate.

Reader Discussion: 54 Comments

  1. Avatar of Virginia Farleigh

    Virginia Farleigh

    This article only proves that the soulmate we are seeking is not always through romantic encounters. Any of those pesky men will never be my boyfriend! I found my soulmate with my friends who support me through thick or thin, who also have the same trips as I. Friendship is one of the greatest love we freakin’ have! Why would I search for someone who will only give fake promises from the start and then treat me like a property in the end?! No f*ckin’ way!!!

  2. Avatar of Rachel Adams

    Rachel Adams

    How will you know if who you meet is your soulmate? You can work on it for all those years, but he’s not the one for you, he is not the one for you. I suggest just don’t go marrying anyone who you can’t see growing old with even if he’s not the one.

  3. Avatar of Pepa Washington

    Pepa Washington

    cool article but really confusing. it says looking for a soul mate, but isn’t soulmates supposed to be random encounters? why would I look for something synthetic if it can occur naturally right? anyway, still cool article. good read. 10/10

  4. Avatar of Elvira McElroy

    Elvira McElroy

    You don’t need a man to be happy. You just need to surround yourself with happy people and do things that will make you happy. And besides, getting a boyfriend because you’re lonely is an ugly way to start a relationship.

    • Avatar of Adina Bass

      Adina Bass

      Same. My relatives always wonder why I still don’t have a boyfriend. But how could I have one if I don’t romantically like anyone yet?

  5. Avatar of Jennifer Kirkpatrick

    Jennifer Kirkpatrick

    One of my friends told me that having a boyfriend is like having a 24-hour job. Just thinking about it makes me tired. So, I guess I’ll just stick to my friends. Lol

  6. Avatar of Hillary Williams

    Hillary Williams

    Earlier, my friend told me that she suffered another friendship breakup. I don’t know about other people, but this is very real and it happened to me too. She was devastated. I told her that she’d find a new friend, because that’s how it was for us. I didn’t like her at first, but we became very close. She’s my soul mate, because soul mates don’t have to be your significant other. They can also be your friend and your mentor.

  7. Avatar of Diane Roth

    Diane Roth

    I absolutely love this article. Romance isn’t the only thing that can make people happy. Friendship does too.

  8. Avatar of Caroline Soloviev

    Caroline Soloviev

    Thanks for the article. My family wants me to get married so I feel a lot of pressure from them, I only have 31 years old and am single for a long time now. I can’t really say that I’m feeling good like that, I wish I could build a good relationship with someone soon. And I don’t really have this feeling you’re talking about with a girl friend. Oh I feel sad now…

  9. Avatar of Jackie Lewis

    Jackie Lewis

    I love this article!!! I literally tell people that my best friend is “the love of my life” and people, especially men, get touchy about it. I never understood why. She is my best friend, has been there for me at every moment, and looking at all my past romantic relationships, I have treasured my friendship with her more than most of them. I think it is so important that we don’t undervalue the friendship between women and how important it can be to people.

  10. Avatar of Alexandrea Valdez

    Loved this!!! I really feel so much better about being single. As females we sometimes fall into the pressure of society that you must be in a relationship just because that’s what is expected of you, and if your not in a relationship we sometimes feel like we are unattractive and undesired. In my case I really feel like I also intimidate guys for some reason and they are scared to approach me. But I know that perfect guy is waiting for me somewhere and I will happily wait for him. I hope he comes soon though. LOL!!!!!!…

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