When someone told me I say sorry too much, I decided to count how many times I apologized in a day. I expected a number around five, and I expected that to sound like a lot. So when I hit twelve, I was shocked to say the least. I apologized before I asked a question in lecture. I apologized to a friend when Netflix stopped working. I apologized to some guy on the subway when he stepped on my foot. The worst part is, he didn’t even apologize back.
As it turns out, I’m not alone. A study found that women apologize more than men, and report committing more offenses. It’s not that men are less willing to apologize, but that women find it necessary to apologize more often than men do. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to stop.
Apologizing is often necessary, and a sincere apology can go a long way in terms of repairing a friendship and forgiving others. But if you pepper sorry into your everyday language, those sincere apologies lose their impact. Plus, over-apologizing negatively impacts your self-esteem and makes you seem smaller to others. Cutting the ever-present sorry from your speech is hard, but these techniques will help erase these unnecessary apologies:
Count Your Apologies
The first step to solving any problem is recognizing you have it. Tomorrow, start counting how many times you apologize. When I did, the number certainly took me by surprise. Notice every time you say sorry throughout the day. If you’re a chronic apologizer, the word has probably infiltrated your speech to the point where you don’t even notice it slipping out.
Pause And Think
Before apologizing, pause to consider whether you really need to say you’re sorry. If you’re about to ask a question, ask an employee for a favor, or smooth over an awkward situation even though you aren’t at fault, don’t apologize. You shouldn’t feel guilty for asserting yourself, so don’t let guilt seep into your language.
Look For A Different Phrase
If you use “sorry” as a filler word where it doesn’t belong, take a second to find another. If you’re asking a question, replace the “sorry” with “I have a question” or “I was wondering.” If you’re trying to smooth over an awkward situation, say “excuse me” and move on. Chronic apologizers pepper “sorry” into their sentences like nervous high schoolers pepper “um” into their class presentations, so it could be that all you need to do is find another filler phrase—one that bolsters your confidence instead of tearing it down.
Realize Your Worth
Over-apologizing can come from low self-esteem, especially if you use ‘sorry’ to preface questions or comments. Remind yourself of your worth and speak with confidence. You should not apologize for your existence or your feelings.
Be Firm
Often, women in positions of authority apologize to soften a request in an attempt to be well-liked. But apologizing in these cases undermines your authority. Remember: you’re not “being bossy” if you’re the boss. Don’t apologize for it.
As someone who uses the word sorry like punctuation, I know how hard it can be to remove it from your everyday vocabulary. But I also know that it means I’m perpetually apologizing for participating in conversations, asking questions, and taking up space. In short, I apologize near-constantly for my existence. With these tips, I became aware it and have managed to avoid apologizing unless I’m actually in the wrong. Use them to show ‘sorry’ the door, and rebuild your speech with confidence.
Do you ever catch yourself apologizing for no reason?
In times like this, you should visit a psychiatrist. Maybe you are experiencing some behavioral problem that needs medication. It’s just my opinion.
I say sorry too much, but I don’t think I have the mannerism. I think I’m just really clumsy. Lol
I didn’t know there’s a mannerism like this. Like, saying excessive sorry for a day?
Lol. I will tell my friend that she should have a list! Haha! She’s always apologizing, even it is my fault. I thought she’s insane, but then I read this one. I can now understand her situation.
Yes, it’s true. If you always apologize, the impact of your apologies are being lessened, or worse, your apologies are useless because they are used to it.
If the people surround you, knows that you’re always apologizing, that can take advantage of you.
IKR! We, women, are the ones who apologizes first. What about men? Urgh! They do nothing!
You need to find a man that can say he’s sorry sometimes and set his ego aside. That’s very important in a relationship and men like that exist!
If it has been part of your vocabulary, it is really hard to remove. But, think of this. Apologizing should be sincere, and if you apologize for its part of your language, how can people trust you?
I like the idea of counting how many times you will apologize in a day. This is for you to realize that you’re doing too much.
Think of this, “I am worth it”. Every time you talk to a person, whether it’s a man or woman, you are worth it. Don’t apologize if you’re not doing something wrong. You’re not under them.