“Having it all” can be a pretty tall order to fill — loving marriage, fulfilling career, stylish home, well-behaved children, flat abs, homemade dinners. Yes, comparing real life to the perfect pictures on Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook can be incredibly discouraging, especially when your kids are running rampant and dinner is plain-jane grilled cheese. Again.
Fortunately, the secret to balancing all of these important aspects of your life is knowing when to step back and invest in romance. Romance is often the first aspect to get sacrificed, but if you can keep the romance alive then smiling through life’s annoyances and balancing work with soccer practice will feel a whole lot easier.
Psychology Today claims that happy couples have 20 positive daily interactions for every negative one. Intrigued? Follow these five tips to carve out a little more time for romance and watch as your life’s balance melts into place:
Plan Ahead
Many of your most important to-do items get done regularly and naturally. Your next salon visit is booked on your calendar a month in advance. Your bills are paid through automatic bill pay. Your grocery list is posted on your refrigerator for daily updating. Why not approach quality time with your spouse in the same way? Take a few minutes with your hubby to commit to some monthly dates. Establish a comfortable budget, and alternate who plans the date. Planning ahead like this is the only way to snag a romantic weekend getaway at a bed and breakfast, or concert tickets to see your favorite musician.
Make Time for Small Luxuries
Date nights don’t have to be huge events. Plan a relaxing night at home instead. Text your spouse throughout the day to tell them you love and miss them, and that you’re excited for date night. Buy a bouquet of lavender for your nightstand or order a fresh flower arrangement for the dining room table. Put on some jazz, spread a blanket on your bedroom floor, and have a wine, chocolate and cheese picnic after the kids are in bed. It might seem goofy, but the change of routine will spark some conversation and refresh your flagging spirits for the rest of the week.
Give Back to Others
Studies show that people who volunteer to help others are healthier and less stressed. Combine these benefits with quality couple time by planning a date to volunteer together. Shovel an elderly neighbor’s sidewalk. Walk dogs at a local animal shelter. Pass out flowers to strangers on a busy street corner. The cheer you share with others will inspire you and may even ignite a new admiration for your spouse.
Sweat Together
According to the Mayo Clinic, exercise boosts energy and improves mood. Want a little extra motivation to get moving? Nab your spouse as your new biking buddy. You will both be invested in the results, plus conquering a new health goal will strengthen your bond and provide something concrete to brag about your spouse at his next work party.
Turn off Work
Turn off your work, literally. Establish a specific space and business hours for yourself with a clear start and end. After 6pm, for example, shutdown your computer and leave your home office regardless of the email barrage filling your inbox. Shut the door and start the home part of your day. Set your phone to notify you of new messages only from your personal accounts. After the kids are in bed, shut down all electronic devices and just talk with your spouse for 30 minutes. Catch up on work news. Compare calendars and get on the same page about your upcoming obligations. Dream about your next vacation. Read the newspaper together. This daily, focused time together doesn’t take much work and it will have huge payoffs in the long run.
This is such a good read. I would like to add that being romantic doesn’t mean being obsessive. There’s a difference between expressing appreciation and expecting a person to devote all of their time to you in return. You’re an individual, not just one half of a relationship, so don’t be consumed by your efforts to romance someone else. You can be romantic and be yourself at the same time.
True romance is doing something special or unexpected for someone you love, even though you don’t have to. It is showing the person you love that you’re thinking about them. It shouldn’t feel forced. There are no limits to romance; it can be shown by a handwritten note, by going for a walk, or even by making someone a sandwich. Romance is something simple and sweet that reminds your partner why they fell in love with you in the first place.
Great article! I’ve been married for three years. I feel like I’m still begging for quality time with him. He doesn’t like to go out. He rather watch TV than having a dinner date with me. I’m gonna let him read this article. Thank you!
Romance offers emotional security to us. When your partner never shows his or her romantic side to you, don’t you get suspicious? Of course, in married relationships, romance must be there to keep the flame alive through decades. In the absence of romance, married life would be a dull affair. You must have seen many couples bonding well during the initial stages of their marriage and quarreling with each other after a few years. That is because of lack of romance. This is why romance must never be ignored.
For me, romance is very important in a relationship. Many people think that having sex is romance. I believe no, romance is more than that and is more about bonding with each other and increasing the intimacy levels. It shows how much you are attracted to your partner and how much you care for him or her. Romance is the language in which we all express our cravings.
I really needed this article! It’s soooo hard to find balance once you have kids. I totally agree about the romance aspect and how everything is so much easier if you feel fulfilled in that way. Thanks so much for the fantastic tips — I’m going to start doing them starting today 🙂
I love bedroom picnics! It the fabulous little slices of life like that which are most memorable.
I agree that romance is really important. I’ve watched friends in long-term relationships and sometimes they get to take their partners for granted. Some of them even become more excited seeing friends than talking about their partners. This actually makes me sad. People should make time to rekindle the romance in their relationships.
I’ve never been in a relationship longer than 6 months (I travel too much), but even in short relationships, it’s so true that if you’re emotionally invested and it’s not working, nothing in your life goes smoothly because it takes up so much of your emotional bandwidth.
I don’t have kids yet, but I’ve been in a long relationship (6 years) and I can totally relate. When the romance in my relationship suffered, it made my whole life crumble… I got cranky, I didn’t want to deal with chores, I got resentful, etc. Being happy with the level of romance in a relationship makes you feel like you can handle anything. I agree that it should never, ever, EVER be neglected.