Let’s face it, ladies. After the sexy honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship, the more likely you are to hit a point where he (or she) takes you for granted.
No need to freak out just yet though. This isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting in effort to make you feel valued.
To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try:
1) Change it up
Do you feel like he (or she) isn’t putting any effort into the relationship? His (probably subconscious) reasoning for why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evenings or days each week, get take-out from the same restaurant and watch the same shows on Hulu. While that may feel comfortable, it would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of never-changing plans.
Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, go to a concert, or get a group of friends together. Aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half. Make a pact to surprise each other at least once a month with secret and romantic date night plans.
2) Communicate
Generally, as a rule of thumb, it’s encouraged to give men space, at least in the early dating stages, and allow them to do most of the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. If you’re always leading or planning things, this might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship and eventually leave you feeling taken for granted.
Though it’s important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It’s not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.
Be careful of the way you approach this conversation — if he (or she) feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he’ll get defensive about how he’s been acting, rather than open-minded.
3) Get your own life
Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you’ll always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.
Has it been awhile since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?
The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.
But despite all these suggestions, which are good for any relationship, if a guy is taking you for granted, maybe it’s simply time to move on and find someone who won’t…
Much gratitude to you for sharing your wisdom with the world! Perfect example of using what tried to harm you for your betterment. Definitely a gift! Perfect Analogy at the start.
This right here is PERFECT!!! Thank you…I’m about to be a dangerous woman in a good way ?.
You truly have eyes to see, and the ability to clarify. Wow. Thank you. Well explained.
The value of a loving, empathetic person is lost on them because they don’t embody those traits. Extreme selfishness inhabits their soul, they cannot see past their own wants and needs. They are only out for what can enhance their life and woe betide anyone who even hints at any equality in the relationship. It’s a terrible state of mind they are in. Stay strong everyone because underneath all that false self and bravado they are the worst cowards to ever walk the earth because without empathy there can be NO humanity.
Yes, they will never move up to our level, they will only bring you down to theirs.
From someone that has seen it from start to finish the narc will see themselves one day. Don’t fight don’t argue don’t play their game. If they are a true narc they will destroy themselves without your input.
Now it makes sense… a person who hasnt lived or been through difficult times cant value one who has because they just dont know. This is really good stuff. Makes sense.
Thank you for your work. This is so true and I am done dealing with fake people taking me for granted ?
Mine just told me that I have extremely high expectations that he can’t do to keep his own happiness. The only expectation I ever had of him was to behave like a husband and not a single man.
Great message! I have been noticing this lately within my relationships. Thank You!