Who Is Your Ideal Partner? - URBANETTE: Lifestyle Magazine & Blog


Who Is Your Ideal Partner?

Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?


In high school I had this delusional criteria of the perfect boyfriend- a rich kid who could manage to take me to dinners at the fanciest restaurants; a jock who’d make me the envy of all the other girls; and a bad boy with a heart of gold and a gentleman’s touch who’d sweep me off my feet and melt my heart. I was young and incredibly shallow.

Who Is Your Ideal Partner?

A few epiphany-inducing lectures in philosophy, sociology and literature in college changed my perspective of what boyfriend material is. Back then, I wanted my boyfriend to be an intellectual, and of course, he had to have wit, charm, and looks…

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who deviated from the norm of strictly adhering to standards. I’ve heard of stories about women foregoing the ‘better catch’ simply because they’ve found the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The ‘better catch’ may have been financially stable or better looking. He may have possessed a stellar career and reputation. So why would you settle for anything ‘less’?

Who Is Your Ideal Partner?

Why would a woman go for the average Joe when she could go home with the next big thing?

Simple, really.

Many people begin their quest for their lifetime partner in a naive fashion similar to my teenage experience. Others unconsciously do the same. But don’t get me wrong, though. A standard is there to weed out the bad and reveal the good. In fact, it’s the starting point. When you meet someone that doesn’t conform to your set of standards, you hesitate at first, thinking that he’s not for you.

If he’s successful in getting your attention, you decide on two things: to accept or to reject. Then there’s the third option people like me end up choosing, and that’s to give the relationship a try; or at least a second chance.

As you gradually mature and grow into the relationship, you will find that your set of standards has been evolving and will continuously evolve until the time. It ultimately becomes a mish-mash of characteristics, philosophies, dreams, and values that inevitably hold a higher place over material possessions and good looks.

Who Is Your Ideal Partner?

At some point you may begin to understand that each individual is complex and inherently different from another and that not one person will fit all your ideals.

This is the time when you eventually come to terms with imperfection and the realization that everyone has flaws you have learned to accept. The man that has captured your heart has kept you in his arms simply because he’s himself – no ostentatious dates or extravagant presents. Just him, his tool box, and a box of chocolates and Kleenex on a bad day. There are many like him, it’s just that ladies are too busy giving security passes to “safe” men.

What happened to me is not unique. I met a man who didn’t meet my standards; but what’s special about it is that my relationship with him is one that continues to teach me to be independent without being alone. In the duration of our ongoing relationship, I have learned to be patient and to listen. I learned to appreciate the arts and how to fix, maintain, and repair things around the house. I learned to be humble and to be considerate of others. I learned to admit my mistakes and make up for them. All of these I would not have picked up from someone who had everything I wanted.

Who is my breaker of standards? He doesn’t drive a fancy car. He doesn’t play the piano or the sax. He doesn’t have a trust fund nor the face and body of an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He doesn’t have a butler because he can manage his own schedule and cook his own food. He drives a beat-up Mitsubishi Lancer. He plays the drums. He’s a middle-income earner battling his way to new opportunities. Most importantly, he’s the one who made me realize that standards are merely a set of basic criteria that hinders you from seeing and experiencing something more meaningful.

Sarah enlightens us on a daily basis with the newest trends as (and often before) they transpire. She is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing, blogging (InsiderDiva.com) and modeling while on the road. In her spare time she gets manicures, suntans on yachts in Greece, shops for even more shoes, and lives in the limelight. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

Reader Discussion: 92 Comments

  1. Rebecca Shoults

    Every one deserves ideal partner and should look for it. If you are staying in a relationship that’s all wrong for you, it’s important to take a few steps to determine if you need to end it. This can take time and a commitment to loving and respecting yourself. This may seem simplistic, self-love and self-respect are the basis of loving another person.

  2. Daniela Lange

    Nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve just for the sake of being part of a couple.

  3. Tania England

    We all know intellectually that we should not settle for less than we deserve but our emotion is conflicted. This makes us unwilling to take the chance of breaking things off because we fear we won’t meet someone else and will be alone for a long time. Perhaps some of our friends have been single for a while and they complain about how hard it is to meet a nice man. Underneath all of these is a deep-seated fear of being alone.

  4. Mona Soler

    In the end, we all have to settle for a little less than we deserve because perfect doesn’t exist. It’s a mirage created by advertising and a fantasy we’ve been holding onto since we were taping posters of our crushes to our bedroom wall.

  5. Stephany Patel

    Everything in this article was on point. Thank you.

  6. Martha Goins

    There may be no such thing as the perfect partner, but an ideal partner can be found in someone who has developed themselves in certain ways that go beyond looks, charms, and success.

  7. Eveline Renaud

    I honestly have never been too bothered about finding a partner. I’d rather not waste years of my life dating one person after other, frantically looking for someone to share my life with when I never had a life in the first place. If I ever fall in love, then so be it, but I’m not going to desperately look for it. Each time I think I have fallen in love, but on some level I know it’s going to end up the same.

  8. Nadia Covey

    It’s really not that complicated, after many years I have learned that you simply can’t go wrong with choosing a nice\kind person.

    • Anne Knotts

      Cannot fully agree with you. A nice\kind person is wonderful, but if you completely neglect factors like sexual attraction and common interest you can easily find yourself attracted to others way more than your partner or get bored.

  9. Elora Algarin

    Kinda hard finding a guy who is physically attractive, I mean yeah there’s a whole lot of them but, me? LOL as if someone attractive gonna fall for a face like mine.

  10. Irma Earnshaw

    I just wish to have a man that’s nice, animal lover, helpful, be himself, good looking, selfless, treats me the way a lady should be treated, do what he can to protect me, always there to help out when needed, if we argue, at the end of the day we’ll apologize to each other, sweet, fun loving, humorous and also want him to be hardworking and not be like those guys that just slacks off every day and is just rude and are jerks but now I’m just a single pringle but I’ll meet the one I love soon but I know that I am asking for a little too much of my dream boy but U just want him to just be himself and not have to feel the need to impress me.

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