Life is short, and as cliché as it may sound, the reality is that you only have one life to live — make the most out of it. I think about this on a regular basis, and it’s a big part of the reason that I moved from NYC to France. Because I knew that in order to seize the day and be as happy as possible, it’s important to constantly reevaluate all aspects of life: where to live, work, who to be friends with, etc.
While many people live their life to the fullest, some don’t and regret it later – as told by those dying, who had many regrets according to a book “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” by Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent most of her time in palliative (end of life) care and recorded the top five regrets of her terminal patients. Her list is as follows:
# 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
According to Bronnie, this was the most common regret she heard from those who passed away. She writes: “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.”
You’re the one who makes your life. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you should do since it’s your future. Honor your dreams. If you want to be an artist but your parents want you to be a doctor, follow what your heart because in the end, your happiness is what matters the most.
# 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
The fact is we have to work. With the unstable economy nowadays, many work more than two jobs to support themselves and their families. Bronnie said that this regret was common among male patients she handled, but women also suffer this regret. They regret working so hard because they missed the growing stage of their children or their partner’s companionship because they were busy being breadwinners. Learn to balance by dividing time for work and time for family and friends. The key here is time management and essentially, work-life balance.
# 3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
We tend to keep comments to ourselves to avoid conflict. Bronnie wrote: “As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many ended up developing illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried.”
We can’t control others or their opinions, but there’s nothing more important than being yourself. Be honest; for nothing is more important than expressing yourself. Remember: many will appreciate it.
# 4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.
No man is an island. Many have forgotten friends who once mattered to them. It’s important to stay in touch with those people who stuck by you. Cherish them because they simply love you.
# 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier.
Bronnie said that this was one of the common quotes she heard. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again,” she wrote.
Happiness is indeed a choice. If you want to be happy be happy. If you want to wallow in misery, then so be it. If you don’t believe me, watch the movie Life is Beautiful.
While we often have struggles and trials, it’s either you choose to face it with a glass half-full mentality or the other way around. There’s nothing wrong in making others happy, but it’s also important that you be happy yourself.
In the end, it’s all about making choices. Live your life to the fullest. Be wise, honest and happy while you can. And never stop trying to improve yourself.
Oh, and on a bit of a morbid note, don’t forget to make a will! In ours, we assigned Mercy for Animals as our sole benefactor, since we don’t have kids. It’s never too soon to make a will, because, well, you just never know…
Always remember that living your life that’s fueled with passion will always make you happy. Not that it’s all unicorns and rainbows, but it will always give you a sense of fulfillment that you’re doing what your heart truly desires despite of trials.
It’s also easier to overcome those trials when you know you’re fighting for what you really want and you don’t have to drag your feet just to get where you want to be.
Expectations from other people kill you in the long run. You’re living your life for them, not for yourself. It only takes a short while to see that you don’t even know who you are anymore because you’ve lived in other people’s shadow of their expectations of you.
It’s important to take note of #1. I grew up with a strict mother and she has told me that I can’t do a lot of things just because it doesn’t meet her standards. When I was younger everything I did was to please her, only to end up disappointing myself because she doesn’t think it’s enough. Even as I got older the habit of needing her approval stayed. It always made me feel like I was not doing enough, when in fact I am capable of a lot of things and it was left unseen. Do it for yourself, because in the end it’s just you who has to deal with it all.
Thank you for this. I know how you feel and I used to feel it too. It took me a long time to finally see myself in a different light.
I agree with this article but I hope no one takes this in a mediocre kind of way. Some people would be like, “Oh hey, it said I shouldn’t work too hard because I’ll regret it in the future.”
“We don’t just live to pay the bills.” I wish that this was the case, but in reality, sometimes it really is the case. Not all of us are well-off and some just really have to work hard so they can open doors of opportunity for themselves to improve their life.
Work-life balance is somewhat a dream that only some people can achieve. I’m a work at home mother and even if I spend most of my time at home wherein I can watch and guide my children as they grow up, there are still moments when I feel like I still can’t give my kids enough time. I make it to a point that as they get home from school I take care of them, but in the afternoon I’m back to my desk working. They still demand attention from me, saying I’m always on my computer working. Kids these days can’t be satisfied by just seeing you at home and feeding them on time. It’s a constant battle to be a parent and an employee all at once. Even if I see myself regretting this in the future, at least I managed to provide my kids all the things they need.
#3 would have been relatable to me. But the thing is, I choose my battles.
This article is true at some point but sometimes the need or the responsibility to be able to do things for your family is bigger than your own dreams.
Like what they all say, “Work smart, not hard.”
I know, there’s a big difference in working hard and working smart. Some people just can’t figure it out.
This is what I usually teach my daughter: to live and do things in life that caters to what her heart desires. It’s so easy to tell our children to study well and to try and achieve a lot. However, if they don’t feel it in their heart that it’s what they should really do or it’s what would help them be successful in the future, they won’t grow up as happy adults. They’ll end up regretting the things they did when they grow old because they didn’t feed their soul with passion. We don’t want to be a part of that regret as parents. As much as we want them to succeed, we should also teach them to make the right choices at an early age while guiding them so they won’t go astray.