Do you ever wish you could go back in time and tell yourself something you’ve learned through the years, to help make life a bit easier? What would you say? Personally, if I could give my teenage self some advice, I’d tell her a couple of things:
1. Don’t take people’s opinions (of issues, politics, other people, etc.) as fact.
Ask pointed questions – dig! – to find out what a person really believes. Often, you’ll find that people are just repeating things they’ve heard without really understanding it. For example, if they say they’re “fiscally conservative and socially liberal” ask what specific things they think the government should cut back on? What social initiatives do you think the government should fund, and why?
Which brings me to:
2. Learn about politics.
It matters. How they feel about welfare, women’s rights / pay equity, and other issues is a reflection of that person’s core values. Ask them why they feel that way. It’s often difficult to find out what a person’s core values are other ways – talking about politics gets to the root quickly.
And speaking of politics, get involved on a local level. Vote, and voice your opinion. You CAN enact change!
3. Don’t waste energy stressing about anyone you’re not going to marry.
And don’t worry about finding The One, because when the time is right it’ll be 100% obvious to you. In the meantime, don’t worry about having a boyfriend or lover or what he’s thinking or if he likes you. Pick up some hobbies and learn to love yourself and your alone time.
No matter what your relationship is like or how much time you’ve put into it, if he can turn off his compassion for you and doesn’t treat you with love in the middle of a heated argument (or if he likes to argue), then ditch him. Same with if he doesn’t say sorry quickly. A mature man will apologize for hurting you and try to see things from your point of view, even if he didn’t think it was his fault. Don’t put up with that kind of shit, you’ll just end up regretting it.
Wasting time with guys who aren’t your soul mate just increases the chances that your soul mate will come and go while you’re distracted with some guy who doesn’t matter to you. That said, don’t be on the hunt for your soul mate – it’ll make you more likely to settle or project “soul mate” status onto someone who doesn’t deserve it, just because you want it too much.
Foster friendships instead. This will help you to see a guy for who he really is, over time. Go out with him and his friends – what are they like? When the The One comes along, you’ll just know, and it won’t be based solely on a feeling, it’ll be because he’s kind, intelligent, and right for you — and because of a feeling.
A mature man will apologize and try to see things from your point of view, even if he didn’t think it was his fault.
4. You’re going to change a lot in your 20’s.
Try new things. Experiment. Meditate. Travel. Read self-help books. Do everything you can to grow as a person and figure out what is truly important to you at your core. It’s not about owning more stuff or having good hair! It’s okay to outgrow and change your friends if you discover that they aren’t maturing as people and don’t have decent values.
It’s also important to remember that with every year that passes, as you grow and evolve, you’ll get much clearer on what you’re looking for in life, friendships and your career. What you need in a boyfriend will also change dramatically.
5. Sex clouds things.
When I was single, if I was interested in dating a guy, I waited at least a few weeks, often longer, before getting naked with him. I waited until I knew he wasn’t seeing anyone else, and until I felt 110% comfortable. You may not want to admit it, but chemicals are released in our brains when we have sex with someone, and they create a false feeling of closeness. Get to know someone first, so you can see if they’re even worth being with. A good guy who cares about you absolutely will not pressure you, so if a guy does, you should drop him immediately, because he’s only after one thing.
6. Stay open.
Don’t be closed-minded. If someone has a different opinion than you, genuinely listen to it. They might be ill-informed, or they might have different values than yours, or they might actually modify your opinion on a topic. Either way, part of growing is staying open and keeping your ideas somewhat fluid. That said, if someone says something based on contempt, feel free to tell them to shut the hell up.
7. Some people just want to bring you down, for no reason.
No reason that you’ll ever figure out, anyway. Whatever excuse they use to try to hurt you, it won’t be the real reason they’re upset. They’re upset because they’re jealous, or because they don’t like them self in comparison to you, but instead of admitting that, they find an unrelated excuse to blame their feelings on you.
I know it’s hard to understand, but some people simply won’t listen to reason. They can’t be convinced that they’re wrong. Why? Because they aren’t engaging their higher-thinking part of the brain. The more you try to convince them they’re wrong, the more they’ll try to prove they’re right and (illogically) get even more entrenched in their misguided emotions and ideas.
Related: How to Overcome Haters
8. Try not to feel sorry for yourself.
I know it’s really hard sometimes, but it won’t get you anywhere. Learn to meditate instead. As Helen Keller said, “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world.”
9. Adopt two cats from a shelter.
Pick two that already get along. Treat them with kindness at all times and they’ll meaningfully improve your life. (Say good-bye to loneliness!)
10. Don’t worry about what you have and what others have.
It honestly has no lasting bearing on your happiness. Nobody ever said this on their deathbed: “I wish I’d bought more crap.”
What advice would you give?
I would tell myself nothing because the past doesn’t matter. Great read though. Very interesting seeing how things have change for you since you were 20.
20 year old me needs to hear these:
1. Everyone doesn’t know what they’re doing in life. And that’s ok.
2. No matter what you do, no matter how good your intentions are, someone(s) will not like you.
3. Stop relying on the approval of others. Your life and your happiness is ALL you have control over.
4. Stop being ignorant of the world. Read, listen, and understand the opinions of others. ESPECIALLY if you disagree with them.
5. The only reason you are mad about anything is because you are ignorant of the situation, you don’t accept what is, or you are not living in the present moment. Simple as that.
6. No one has control of your happiness but yourself. Get out of the heads of others and live life for you.
7. Nothing will get done if you don’t put in the work.
8. Success will not fall out of the sky. Get your ass into gear and put in the work.
9. Anything in this world worth fighting for requires patience and discipline. Stop giving up whenever you’re faced with challenges.
10. Happiness is found within. Accept that your life is never what is seen in movies or books or Facebook. No one lives a perfect life. And that’s beautiful.
Oh my god this is genius! I’d tell myself not to be too scared to call people out on their BS and stand up for people who need you. I have a lot of regrets around not speaking up when I was thinking in the moment that I should.
This has hit home… I’d tell my younger self not to let people silence her. discover your voice, use it, and be relentless in telling your truth.
Really enjoyed this. I would tell myself “Stop worrying about what is normal and to embrace your weirdness, it’s what makes you unique and will always be some of the best parts of who you are. “
Things I would tell my younger self
1. Nothing is permanent, neither joy or sorrow… it will pass eventually.
2. Being angry is valid, let yourself feel… but don’t let it over power you. You won’t even remember what was making you so mad in a few years.
3. You might think all the people around you will join you in your most important moments of life… most of them won’t. Some people are just meant to be part of a brief period of your life. And that’s okay.
I would tell my younger self that you’re gonna end up at the college that you least expected to end up at and you’re gonna love it, all those feelings that you’re having towards girls are normal and probably mean something, high school sucks and will be over soon, you’re gonna climb multiple large mountains and feel really proud, and you’re gonna really appreciate your brother after leaving for college and not seeing him for 3-4 months
1: Remeber who you are, because that all you will have once you finish copying people and leave them.
2: Follow rules so you will be less likely to get kicked out of places.
3: You can choose your family as well as who stays in your life.
4: Bestfriends are the only reason you can save money and not go to therapy.
5: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind~Dr. Suess”?
I like your advices. They are nice and inspiring ? One of the biggest things I think I would tell my younger self is to forgive others when they have wronged you, even if they aren’t apologizing. Holding on to grudges is a waste of time, energy and adds so much negativity into your life. Another thing I would tell myself is to not worry so much about the future. You WILL graduate, you WILL go to college, etc. Life usually works out one way or another and stressing out about things that you have no control over will just bring you anxiety. ALSO, don’t make yourself feel bad for asking for help. You are not crazy for needing medication or therapy, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
Dear 20 year old me; stop comparing yourself to others, you are beautiful the way you are, however… short hair doesn’t work on you. Stop trying to make it happen. listen to mum when it comes to money. Years from now the decisions you make now will affect you getting a mortgage. Is it worth it for literally a pile of crap 10 years from now you won’t remember?