The first time a close friend took me aside to share some serious criticism was in 11th grade. She saw me making a mistake and tried to help me fix it. At the time, I jumped to the defensive and ignored her comments. Only with the 20/20 vision of hindsight did I realize that she was right. Our closest friends know us better than anyone, meaning that they’re the best people to help us tackle our flaws.
Taking criticism is never easy. Hearing about our own flaws tends to bring up a defensive response that has ended many a friendship in the past. But getting criticism is also the only way we can work to improve. Next time a friend tries to give you constructive advice, do your best to get what you can out of it without getting hurt.
Differentiate Between Mean And Constructive Comments
Just because a friend tries to help you, doesn’t mean she’s right. If your friend is more insulting than constructive, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. But if she takes you aside and addresses the issue with kindness and respect, recognize that she’s doing her best to help you. Hear her out.
Avoid Defensiveness
If your friend shares constructive criticism with respect, avoid getting defensive. Responding to criticism with a defensive or belligerent attitude is a sure-fire way to start an argument. Your first reaction might be to defend yourself and deny her claims, but try not to vocalize these feelings right away. Instead, thank your friend for her concern and take some distance to think things through.
Do your best to get what you can out of their advice
Respect Their Opinion
Hearing criticism is hard, but so is approaching a friend with advice. Respect that your friend has your best intentions at heart and wants to help you. Instead of harboring resentful feelings, think about what you’d do if you reversed your roles. Letting a loved one make mistakes is easy–it’s much harder to intervene, but in the end it’s the right thing to do. Hard as it might be to hear, take the advice as a sign of love. It takes a lot of courage and affection to approach someone on a sensitive topic.
Evaluate With Honesty
Before broaching the topic again, think about what your friend had to say and evaluate her opinion. Be honest with yourself—is she right? If you have questions or want to talk things out more, go to your friend for help. Likewise, if you’re feeling hurt or blindsided, now is the time to talk through those emotions.
Set Goals
Once you’ve evaluated your friend’s advice, decide how you want to use it. Form some concrete goals based on the advice you’ve received to improve yourself. No one is perfect, and criticism is the only way we can see our own flaws and work on them. Use your friend’s honesty to make new goals for self-improvement.
Avoid getting defensive so you can understand their point of view
Those close to us see us at our worst, making them the best people to turn to in times of trouble. They’re also the best people to help us better ourselves. Sensitive topics are difficult for everyone involved, but we walk away stronger, ready to strive for new goals.
I tend to think of myself as my core-self and then my outer-self as a balloon which I’m holding. The criticisms are toward the balloon. I can let the balloons go or and blow new balloons. Feel what I’m saying? 🙂
Great article. It’s helpful to each and everyone. Coping with criticism is a difficult task. Most of the people gets angry when someone criticizes them. But if we handle criticism in a positive way, it can help us to be confident and better in every way.
When I receive criticism, I don’t take things personally. Whether it’s just or unjust, criticism is always someone else’s opinion. So I just think that they just want to share their own personal perspective and views of the situation that may or may not be aligned with the way I do or view things.
The key thing to remember is that whatever circumstance is, don’t respond in anger as this will cause a scene and create bad feelings – and possibly a bad image of you.
Responding emotionally and defensively by throwing insults back at the other person will never do you any good and will deny you the opportunity of learning from the criticism. ?
Personally, I give feedback to a friend or a co-worker because I am genuinely trying to help them make a better decision because I care about their well-being.
If the criticism I get is made kindly and based on facts, then I thank them for their opinion. I mean like what else can I do?
I hate criticism, and I’ll never react nice to it. Everybody should mind their own business. Unless my actions are causing others disturbance, I think nobody has the right to snoop into my business and tell me what to do. No way. ?
I’m not sure how accurate this article is, because not everyone who seems genuine about their criticisms want the best for you. Other people just really have smooth tongues and they’ve thought about how to destroy you in the most accurate way.?
I would have to agree with this. We have to keep in mind that there are millions of personalities out there and even those who are closest to us can have a personality that can be manipulating.
Every single one of us has a unique perspective of reality influenced by our thoughts and experiences and sometimes our perspective creates different ideas how things should be.No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able please everyone?