Relationships
10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate
Actionable ways to help you meet your soulmate — much, much faster.
The quest to find my soulmate was challenging, to say the least. Often, it felt as if I had a better chance of winning the lottery than finding “The One.” Not only are there so many things vying for our attention and time, but there’s also the complicated dance of finding someone who we desire who also desires us and is available— on every level. Sounds daunting, doesn’t it?
Me, with my hubby Michael
I was a bit of a dating disaster. Not because I was a bad girlfriend (I wasn’t), but because I wasn’t focused. I dated guys I already knew were a dead end. I wasted so much time on guys who didn’t have the attributes I really needed in a man. I went out with movie stars, artists, entrepreneurs… I figured I had better odds if I said ‘yes’ to dates more often than ‘no’ — maybe one would stick. That said, I always had a strict no-physical-intimacy-until-after 10-dates rule though (more about that later).
It wasn’t until I hit 30 that I really got focused. I signed up for every dating site (and wrote about them here) and stacked my dates every free night I had. Two drinks: one after work at around 6pm, and another (the more promising date) at 7:30pm, so it could potentially transition into dinner if it was going well. While that led to a series of mediocre dates, it was exhausting. Eventually I gave up on that approach and asked my friends to set me up. That was when I met my soulmate. A fantastic blind date, followed by a month of dating, and we were engaged. Five years later and we’re still going strong.
If you’re still looking for your soulmate, here are ten things to remember when looking for your soul mate:
Marina
Thank you for offering the advice to not sleep with someone for at least 10 dates. I used to be a “sexually liberated woman” and would sleep with a man when I felt like it. It got me in trouble because I would become emotionally attached to men that were wrong for me. I slept with my soon to be ex-husband almost right away because I felt such a powerful attraction. The sex was absolutely mindblowing and the best I had ever had. I was sucked in and fell in love immediately. He was selfish from the very beginning, but I kept overlooking his self-centeredness because I wanted it to work, and I wanted more sex. 5 years later, I am in the midst of an ugly divorce after complete betrayal and abandonment by the man that was my whole world, that I made countless sacrifices for and that I loved as deeply as a woman can love a man. I always knew that I loved him more than he loved, I knew he was selfish, and I allowed him to disrespect me from very early on in the relationship because I was hooked with the sex. He broke my heart into a million little pieces and I am struggling to put my life back together. I haven’t turned cynical and I still believe in love. I’ve now made a decision that any man I date, I will get to know for a few months before making love with him. Yes, I love sex, but I have had enough of it in my life that I am willing to sacrifice it for some time to find my soulmate and avoid more failed relationships with the wrong men. I don’t know how anyone could possibly survive heartbreak this bad more than once. I don’t know if I’ll adopt your 10 date rule, but I would need to feel confident that I know someone before having sex.
George Sumanta
You calmed my stormy heart. Thank you so much for this motivating article! I suddenly felt I owe myself a big HUG
Jeweli Prater
? So now, how do we define soulmate?! Does it necessarily mean romantic partner?! ?
Luthi Sanders
May I suggest a follow-up article, “signs that I’ve found my soulmate…”?!
Jessie Fernande
I agree with making a list but I’d make a list of characteristics I love about myself, things that generate good feelings. I might sound narcissistic, but I just believe in self love…
Reid Hooks
Soulmate, I’ve seen her and she knows how I feel about her, just waiting for her to make up her mind, on what to do next.
Angela
“If you truly are looking for love and want to find that person that you can spend the rest of your life with, remember that it is YOU who creates compatibility.”
Honey Smith
Oh well, I used to believe in soulmates and thought I had met mine. To me, he was perfect, I thought he was everything I ever wanted, and we were inseparable from the day we met. Unfortunately, he was a clinically-diagnosed psychopath…
Juli Woods
I think you should change the title. To me, the article suggests ways on finding a “romantic partner.” A soulmate doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic partner, right?! It may be a close friend…
Anila William
Relationship is a process, it is important to learn how to overcome obstacles for it to work.
Lusi Martin
Yeah, both should communicate and understand!