10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate

Actionable ways to help you meet your soulmate — much, much faster.


The quest to find my soulmate was challenging, to say the least. Often, it felt as if I had a better chance of winning the lottery than finding “The One.” Not only are there so many things vying for our attention and time, but there’s also the complicated dance of finding someone who we desire who also desires us and is available— on every level. Sounds daunting, doesn’t it?

10 Tips to Help You Find Your Soulmate

Me, with my hubby Michael

I was a bit of a dating disaster. Not because I was a bad girlfriend (I wasn’t), but because I wasn’t focused. I dated guys I already knew were a dead end. I wasted so much time on guys who didn’t have the attributes I really needed in a man. I went out with movie stars, artists, entrepreneurs… I figured I had better odds if I said ‘yes’ to dates more often than ‘no’ — maybe one would stick. That said, I always had a strict no-physical-intimacy-until-after 10-dates rule though (more about that later).

It wasn’t until I hit 30 that I really got focused. I signed up for every dating site (and wrote about them here) and stacked my dates every free night I had. Two drinks: one after work at around 6pm, and another (the more promising date) at 7:30pm, so it could potentially transition into dinner if it was going well. While that led to a series of mediocre dates, it was exhausting. Eventually I gave up on that approach and asked my friends to set me up. That was when I met my soulmate. A fantastic blind date, followed by a month of dating, and we were engaged. Five years later and we’re still going strong.

If you’re still looking for your soulmate, here are ten things to remember when looking for your soul mate:

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Avatar of Hilary Rowland

A writer, artist, and designer since she was young enough to put pencil to paper, Hilary taught herself code and created Urbanette when she was a teenager. Currently, she lives in Monte Carlo, but spent the past decade living in NYC, still considers herself a New Yorker, and visits regularly. She's always traveling, looking for hot new topics, destinations, and life hacks to bring to Urbanette readers.

Reader Discussion: 123 Comments

  1. Avatar of Marina


    Thank you for offering the advice to not sleep with someone for at least 10 dates. I used to be a “sexually liberated woman” and would sleep with a man when I felt like it. It got me in trouble because I would become emotionally attached to men that were wrong for me. I slept with my soon to be ex-husband almost right away because I felt such a powerful attraction. The sex was absolutely mindblowing and the best I had ever had. I was sucked in and fell in love immediately. He was selfish from the very beginning, but I kept overlooking his self-centeredness because I wanted it to work, and I wanted more sex. 5 years later, I am in the midst of an ugly divorce after complete betrayal and abandonment by the man that was my whole world, that I made countless sacrifices for and that I loved as deeply as a woman can love a man. I always knew that I loved him more than he loved, I knew he was selfish, and I allowed him to disrespect me from very early on in the relationship because I was hooked with the sex. He broke my heart into a million little pieces and I am struggling to put my life back together. I haven’t turned cynical and I still believe in love. I’ve now made a decision that any man I date, I will get to know for a few months before making love with him. Yes, I love sex, but I have had enough of it in my life that I am willing to sacrifice it for some time to find my soulmate and avoid more failed relationships with the wrong men. I don’t know how anyone could possibly survive heartbreak this bad more than once. I don’t know if I’ll adopt your 10 date rule, but I would need to feel confident that I know someone before having sex.

  2. Avatar of George Sumanta

    George Sumanta

    You calmed my stormy heart. Thank you so much for this motivating article! I suddenly felt I owe myself a big HUG

  3. Avatar of Jeweli Prater

    Jeweli Prater

    ? So now, how do we define soulmate?! Does it necessarily mean romantic partner?! ?

  4. Avatar of Luthi Sanders

    Luthi Sanders

    May I suggest a follow-up article, “signs that I’ve found my soulmate…”?!

  5. Avatar of Jessie Fernande

    Jessie Fernande

    I agree with making a list but I’d make a list of characteristics I love about myself, things that generate good feelings. I might sound narcissistic, but I just believe in self love…

  6. Avatar of Reid Hooks

    Reid Hooks

    Soulmate, I’ve seen her and she knows how I feel about her, just waiting for her to make up her mind, on what to do next.

  7. Avatar of Angela

    “If you truly are looking for love and want to find that person that you can spend the rest of your life with, remember that it is YOU who creates compatibility.”

  8. Avatar of Honey Smith

    Honey Smith

    Oh well, I used to believe in soulmates and thought I had met mine. To me, he was perfect, I thought he was everything I ever wanted, and we were inseparable from the day we met. Unfortunately, he was a clinically-diagnosed psychopath…

  9. Avatar of Juli Woods

    Juli Woods

    I think you should change the title. To me, the article suggests ways on finding a “romantic partner.” A soulmate doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic partner, right?! It may be a close friend…

  10. Avatar of Anila William

    Anila William

    Relationship is a process, it is important to learn how to overcome obstacles for it to work.

    • Avatar of Lusi Martin

      Lusi Martin

      Yeah, both should communicate and understand!

Load 10 more comments

Join in the Conversation! Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Urbanette moderates and edits comments for grammar and to facilitate an informed, substantive, civil conversation. Abusive, profane, promotional, misleading, incoherent or off-topic comments will be rejected. Please use your full name. Moderators can only approve comments written in English.

All content is strictly copyright. Contact us for permission.