When I decided I wanted to stay out of the dating world for a while, I was met with a variety of reactions. From “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone,” to “Sure, you want to be single now, but wouldn’t it be great if you met the right guy?”, it was clear that few people supported the decision.
I chose to stay single because I was so extraordinarily happy with the people and work in my life and didn’t want to rearrange any of it to make room for a significant other. But as soon as I dropped dating from my priorities list, a lot of people seemed determined to put it back. The advocacies for online dating, the offers to set me up, and the insistences that I’d change my mind, if only I found the right guy, were endless.
My feminist side was miffed. Here I was, young and unbearably happy and surrounded by people trying to convince me that my life was imperfect because it didn’t include a guy. Even though we say we’re past the idea that a woman needs a man to be complete, in practice it seems we’re not.
What kind of message are we sending when we encourage our girlfriends to find a man, even when she’s professed a desire to remain single for a while? Romance is wonderful, but it’s hardly the only thing worth living for. If a woman chooses to focus on her career, her friends, or something as simple as having the entire mattress to herself, why can’t we support that?
Despite the progress feminism has made, it seems we still see an unmarried woman as a failure. I have known so many successful, happy single women who are pitied and looked down upon –as if something is fundamentally wrong with them because they aren’t married– a phenomenon much rarer for single men.
It’s important to learn how to create happiness from within, rather than looking to the external world for personal fulfillment. Everyone should to take some time alone to understand the difference between alone and lonely. To enjoy time with friends, and develop individuality and independence. We should encourage young women to enjoy singledom as a time of personal and professional growth and realization. Instead, we share dating advice.
Despite all this, the benefits of single life are starting to gain popularity. More people live alone now than ever before. 15 million people in the US between the ages of 35 and 64 choose to remain single. They’ve escaped the pressure to commit to a relationship and opted to enjoy single life instead. This often gives them more opportunities to be social, and to build their career, than married life would. So why can’t we encourage that choice—or at least respect it?
It all ties back to the traditional family values we cling to. For those who do choose to date, more expectations aren’t far behind: When are you going to get married? Are you going to have kids? How are you going to raise them? From the dolls we played house with, to politicians who give commencement speeches telling us to get married and have kids, we’ve been schooled on what we should want. Apparently, we should want to see women married and raising 2.5 kids behind white picket fences. But in this time of change and reevaluation of marriage, can’t we allow people to dispense with these notions all together?
Women exist outside marriage and motherhood, a concept that we all should’ve internalized a long time ago. Instead of shoving girls into relationships, we should encourage each other to take time for ourselves. Enjoy singledom while you have it. That’s not to say we should all give up on love and marriage; both are beautiful, valuable things. But being single is as well, and it’s time we acknowledged that.
Have you ever chosen to remain single for a while? Share your singledom stories in the comments!
Being in love is such an amazing feeling, but I just can’t do that kind of longterm commitment. I genuinely enjoy being single. Every time a relationship ends with someone, part of me thinks “Ahh ~ what a relief… I can breathe again” no matter how infatuated with them I was. It’s fun in the beginning but after around a year with someone I just feel so suffocated and want to do so many things by myself.
For me there is nothing wrong with been single, not saying I don’t enjoy the companionship and closeness a relationship brings because I do. For me it’s not a need or even a want most of the time, however I am not one to jump into a relationship just for the sake of it, to meet the status quo as a lot of my friends do because been in a relationship is the norm for them, they feel empty when not in a relationship and jump from one to another. I guess for a lot of people relationships are also a status symbol and the loss of them can be a loss of status as well.
I like being independent. I think it tells you something about a person’s character if they’re ok being alone. I don’t like being with a person that could possibly bring me down. To anybody who can’t accept someone else for being different than them, I’d say fudge ’em! At least I’m happy being who I am, and not pretending to be something I am not. Remember, you are your own person. You control your own destiny. Live your own life and be happy! 🙂
Nothing is wrong with being single. There´s only something wrong with all those people who think that the only way how to live your life is their way, and if you don´t fit “everyone needs to be in a relationship” stereothype then you´re either a poor loser or a sick human being. Or both.
Certainly don’t think there’s anything wrong with being single as long as you’re happy.
I know my family worries about me being single as they don’t want me to be lonely. I get that, but I’m struggling to convince them that I’m not lonely! I’ve got friends who are in happy relationships and want me to find someone because they want the same for me which is nice.
I’ve got single friends who aren’t happy being single, and those who are. And then there are people who look at me like I’m from another planet and assume there must be something wrong with me!
Certainly it’s nice to have someone to share things with and for many people, that’s a partner, but I don’t think that’s always the case. As you get older, many people have paired off and/or had children and life becomes more difficult, and I think that’s why it’s always important to be open to new friendships as there’s usually someone out there in a similar position to you!
You know how you hear of people making agreements with friends along the lines of “if we’re still single when we’re 40, lets get married!”?… I’ve got an agreement with a couple of friends that when we’re older, we’re going to move into an old folks’ home together and raise hell! 😀
There is nothing wrong with being single in my eyes. But then, I do like my personal space! I have occasionally had the ‘Never mind, The One will come along one day ;)’ and ‘Don’t worry, you’re very pretty. The boys will find out what they’re missing soon enough’ and even ‘The boys will be lining up to take you out one day!’. I pretty much pay no attention to these wild declerations, especially as these sort of things come off the back of me saying ‘I don’t have a boyfriend…’ and not having a chance to continue with ‘…And I’m not interested in one like that anyway’.
Some people don’t like being single, and that’s fine as well. It’s all fine!
There are different standards for men and women, and I find this quite annoying. Men get a high five for being single and sleeping around, but when a woman does it, she gets labelled every bad name under the sun and she needs a man to settle her down. When I tell people I’m single, I too get the ”awww don’t worry, the right one will come along”, and from the nastier people ”why? can’t you get a boyfriend?” as if there’s something wrong with being single.
I don’t really understand relationships and peoples need for them. I can’t understand why some people have to be in one all the time, and why couples fight and break up constantly. The world is obsessed with sex and relationships, if you’ve no interest in either, there must be something wrong with you, and you must be pitied and people must fix you up because they assume you are desperately unhappy without ”another half”.
The world is obsessed with romance and sex. After escaping a terrible scenario with someone who seemed to just want sex(we never did it though, or even kiss) and was in love with the IDEA of being with me, I’ve decided to do a one-person protest against it. I’m 18, and I don’t need to be with anyone! Especially someone so sexually driven! My entire life I’ve been against gender stereotypes! And this is one of them! Females “needing” a man! BAH! I’m going into the construction field and staying single for a looooooong time, if not forever!
I was thinking of this the other day, as so many wretched people keep trying to wreck my life and “fix me up.” I came to think that a good come back would be, “You’re not trying to fix me up to make me happy, you’re trying to fix me up to make you happy. Because you feel threatened by single women who are self-sufficient.”
I can definitely relate to your feelings, being single myself, I always meet people who act like being single is such a taboo. I think people think that the only way to be complete and happy is to be in a relationship, so if you are single you must be incomplete and unhappy. It feels like generally, most people are unhappy when they’re not in a relationship so they suspect everyone feels the same way. There is nothing wrong with being single, though, and I think most importantly people have to be happy and fufilled by themselves before they get a partner. A partner isn’t the missing piece in life’s puzzle.